I'm new here. My husband is cheating but I don't yet have enough evidence to confront him. What do I do? I'm so scared and confused.

We need a little more anne.

Your ages?
How long married?
Kids?
Is the OW (other woman)a co-worker with WH (wayward husband)?
How long?
Is the OW married?
What's your clues and evidence?
A little background on your life and marriage.

Sorry your here but we may be able to help.

I am 40, he's 39.

Married 10 years. Together for 19 years.

Two boys, 9 and 5. I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

OW is a potential cilent he is trying to get some business from.

I don't know how long it's been going on or how many times. He met her in November '08. OW is not married and is 39 or 40. She had a bad breakup with her boyfriend in October '09.

Clues are that he isn't honest when he goes out with her. In fact, the first few times, he saw her, he didn't even tell me about it. He saw her in November and I know he gave her a ride to and from the restaurant but lied to me about it when I asked him why he took my car that night. Another clue is that he wanted his friends to meet her. He took her out Friday night and had his friends pretend to call him on the spur of the moment to see if he wanted to go out and then he invited them out with him to meet OW. He made it sound to me (and to her) that it was all spontaneous and unplanned but he planned it out with his best friend (a HUGE cheater) all week long.

I found some evidence in his emails. He and his best friend were emailing back and forth about their upcoming plans for Friday night. In one email, the friend asked if he was planning to [censored] her Friday night. WH answered with a joke so he could always say they were both joking. In a separate email, the friend asked him if I knew he was going out with her or if it was hush hush. WH says "Unlike you. She knows. I'm trying to get business from her." Friend replies with "ya I am sure but does she know what kind of business come on you know you are trying to [censored] her again" WH's reply was "That would be too close for comfort, but would be convienient since she lives five minutes away."

I don't want to confront him yet for two reasons. One is that he can (and I'm sure will) lie his way out of it. The second is that he has no idea I'm reading his emails and if he finds out, he will no longer talk openly in them.

Do I just wait and hope he says more?

How did you get this information? If it was from your (clearly) wayward husband you need to confirm it.

How are you getting his email? Do you have a keylogger or just hacked his passwords?

Do you have any cell phone bill information?




Is this in reference to THIS upcoming Friday night?

You are very correct on both counts. You need more.

I can read his emails because I have his password but he does not know that.

I know about the bad breakup because I saw her Facebook profile and she wrote about in on here.

In reference to last Friday, when he planned for his friends to meet up with him and OW.

Here is what his friend had to say about meeting OW "I liked your girl a little bit of a butter face but you guys looked great together we thought she was going to be all over you friday night Lets go out with her again soon"

Is this enough proof for a confrontation?

I know it's hard, but see if you can get anything else - he can spin that. It's a little vague and a WS will turn it into "Oh, he was just talking about her kicking my butt on the Golden Tee game..." or "He meant our SCORE looked great when we played on the same team!" And boom. You just lost a prime snooping source.

You have a golden opportunity with the email - don't lose your cool and tip your hand that you have his pw. Keep snooping. The best intel will be email between the two of them. Sorry if I missed this, but do you have access to his cell phone, or cell phone records? Those are prime snooping sources. How about his banking statements, credit card bills? Any unusual charges on those?

Can you snoop through his car for evidence? How about getting a VAR (voice activated recorder) to plant in his car to record anything he says while he's in it?

Key loggers - check them out. Go to http://www.spectorsoft.com Can you install one on his computer? They are virtually undetectable and are invaluable.

It sure is for me but he will still deny. We had a guy caught here once in his underwear in the doorway of a motel room and he still denied.

More would be better and before you do anything get a keylogger that takes screenshots on that computer. If he thinks you are onto him he will change passwords. Better if you have a keylogger on it first.

Don't tell him about this place. Stay cool.

Delete your history and cookies from here after every visit.

Have you done snooping? Bills, phones, cars, briefcases, drawers, the garage, everywhere? You need to carefully and thoroughly snoop.

Are you a stay at home mom?

Don't get caught snooping.

If your real name is anne you should consider changing the screen name.

By the way, his frend is a real stinking pile.

What Chrisner said - look everywhere. WS's are notorious for leaving clues. You just need to look to find them. If I had been suspicious, I could have caught my FWH with the first month's cell phone bill. And his emails.

Another thing: see if you can get his cell phone away from him. If it's glued to his side, even when he goes to the bathroom, that's a huge . See if you can get it long enough to check his texts. If they are erased, . Write down the cell phone number and the message for each incriminating text. Check his contacts - write them all down, including phone numbers. Pay attention to odd-sounding contacts, like the name of a company instead of a person's name. Call the numbers you don't recognize (use *67 so your number doesn't show up) and ask for an unusual name, like Jezreal Constantopoulos, or whatever. Any name that the owner of the phone probably wouldn't be called. You don't want to be caught flat-footed if the owner of the phone is the name you ask for.

A private eye would probably wrap this one up pretty quick.

I do have access to his cell phone at times but he doesn't make frequent calls to her. There migth be another phone (his cheating friend has another phone) but I haven't been able to find one. As for cell phone records, his work pays for his phone so I can't get to those. I check the banking statements and credit card bills but nothing unusual.

He cleaned out his car after his weekend so I'm sure there isn't anything in there but I can check. Which VAR should I get? That sounds like a great idea.

A key loggers doesn't help me since his laptop is his work computer and I can't put anything like that on it. He doesn't use our home computer.

I know with what little I have, he will deny and say his friends are playing a joke on him. I'm trying to remain calm but this is so new to me and being pregnant doesn't help (yes, it was planned).

I am a stay at home mom. I am not using my real name.

And, yes, his frend is a real stinking pile. And, as much as it breaks my heart, I'm beginning to think he is too. The friend has cheated on his wife for two years with at least three different women. WH would used to tell me all about it.

Get the evidence and then come back here.

I can't afford a private eye.

I'm trying to get proof. I will just keep reading the emails. It's almost impossible to pretend like nothing is wrong. How do you pull that off?

You can install a keylogger on his laptop if you can get it away from him for any length of time. You can install a keylogger that will email reports to your email address. It only takes about 10 minutes to install. The program erases its own files. You may have to tell the spyware program to ignore the keylogger program. What is your reluctance to install it?

I can't remember the name of the VAR I used, but plan on spending at least $40. The first one I bought ($25) was worthless.

I thought it was illegal to install a keylogger on a computer you do not own. WH is a lawyer. I'm just trying to be careful.

Where can I find a VAR?

You think your lawyer H will take you to court? Get the keylogger.

Check RadioShack for the VAR.

His boss owns the computer, not WH.

I'll look at RadioShack.

I would make some calls anyway. You might be surprised. If you catch his emails making another date sometime soon this would all be over in a few hours.

Be sure to print and hide multiple copies of whatever you find.

I am keeping copies of everything. I checked his computer and he keeps it pretty clean so I'm not getting anything off of that without the keylogger. I will get a VAR. I think that will help a lot.

This makes me so sick! I can't believe I'm pregnant and in this situation. Thank you for being so helpful. I hope this gets resolved (one way or another) sooner rather than later.