If I make him leave, does that mean my marriage is over?

Or do I hope that being away and the therapy and the meds that come will help?

I know I can't be treated like this. It's too much. But this is so far over what she was to him, and is more pathological.

Ridic,

I've been following your story (in horror) but haven't had anything to add until now. I had hoped that your H had been taken to the ER and gotten a psych consult.

I am not a doctor, but I have an H and two kids who suffer from both adhd and depression. I see what their meds do for them.

Anti-d's can begin to have a mild effect fairly quickly, but more often they take several weeks to really take hold. Then there's the added problem that based on brain chemistry, certain meds help an individual more than others. Your psych may not hit on the right med for your H the first time around. It takes several months to figure this out.

Recently I noticed that my H's depression is affected by both his anti-d's and his adhd meds (adderall). This caused me to read some studies online and I learned that some psychs will prescribe both anti-d's and a low dose of an amphetemine to people like your H who are so severely depressed. The amphetemine is quick acting and gives an immediate lift to the mood until the anti-d's get a chance to take hold. Then the patient is weaned off the amphetemine.

The problem with this approach is that the amphetemine (adderall in our case) only lasts a certain amount of time in the system. To control adhd symptoms, the medicine wears off after 6 hours or so. I have noticed, however, that the mood lifting effect lasts longer. For instance, if my son doesn't take his second dose of vyvanse (new version of adderall) in the afternoon, he's much crankier the next morning. If he has taken his second dose his mood is much brighter even though his adhd symptoms are fully evident.

This is the simple version. There are added complications, including the risk of the meds causing suicidal ideation, that only a psych can address.

The only thing you can do right now is to ignore everything he says. What he's proposing is insane. Focus on getting him the medical help he so desperately needs as soon as possible.

You'd think by the way he's moaning and groaning that you are all powerful and holding him captive against his will.

This is no way for you to live, being abused like this.

I say hold the door open for him and say, "Any further requests that I lie is pathological and I'm not keeping you here. Go ahead and leave. Know that you are welcome here if you are working on recovery of your marriage; otherwise, you are destroying all possible ability for me to love and respect you. Go act like a teenager somewhere else."

Thanks, Bea- for the information. I am going to follow that research and see what his psych plans for him.

He spent all day yesterday trying to get me to make him stay, then alternately, telling me that nothing would ever make him better. He asked me if he was having a nervous breakdown- I told him he was. Then he told me I caused it and there was no going back, because I won't email the affair partner.

At which point- I completely copied from KaylaAndy- and said just what she wrote.

And then I stopped speaking to him. He's sent 30 text messages since then, which keep up the alternating love/hate on me.

I haven't replied. He came home last night and tried to come into our room, but I locked the door, so he slept in the basement.

I will insist all day today, whenever he contacts me, that he needs to find other arrangements, and that I will never discuss his affair partner again with him. I am not going to be spoken to in this manner.

On a humorous note? As he texted me " DO you think I'm having a nervous breakdown?" the sone Breakdown by Tom Petty came on the radio.

Sign?

I think so. LOL!

Good job. If you can just hang in there and not go bonkers, he should start improving. I know how hard it is.

Pepper-

I want him to live elsewhere right now. He can live with his parents if he chooses, he just cannot stay here, regardless of whether or not he goes to therapy this week. I cannot take how he is treating me, and what he is saying to me, and I think at this point, by me being around and him thinking he can engage me, I am delaying his rock bottom.

Thoughts? Is this good thinking on my part?

He has a complicated relationship with his parents. They are very cold and standoffish. Sometimes, I can get good help from them, and they can be supportive, and other times they wall off and throw their hands up. It's complicated. And my husband's depression comes in a straight line from his father. Straight line.

I hope he gets his meds very quickly. He is causing serious harm to my ability to be compassionate towards him at all. And my wall of low was hit. I will not discuss his affair partner with him. And I will not listen to him tell me his breakdown is my fault because I won't lie to her. Enough.

I sure hope so. This is horrible to watch.

He just texted me that he mailed her a letter on Sunday.

I hope he gets arrested.

X2

I will do so right now. Contact her dad.

I am trying everyday, to do the right thing. It's hard, on top of how angry I am getting.

I assume he told me to engage me, since I have been ignoring him. I assume he was trying to provoke a response. I have cut him off emotionally. That angst he's been piling on me has to go somewhere.

Take it easy. You are doing GREAT. One thing at a time. Little steps. Don't look at the big picture, just the steps you can take that are within your control.

KEEP IT UP. You'll get there. One step at a time.

Be sure to tell her dad about his stupid request that you lie to OW/daughter about your marital status over the past 3-years.

Well if it is a �goodbye cruel world� letter it is both a violation of the restraining order and suitable reason for the police to take him in for a 72 hour psychiatric lock-down.




That does not happen often around here.