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#2341673 03/23/10 08:05 PM
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I was wondering how many women here took back their maiden name at the divorce? I've lived under his name for 33 years; his parents were very difficult, too, so I just get negative feelings when I hear the name "G___".

If you took your maiden name back, how difficult was it to change your legal records, passport, Soc Sec card, etc? And do you feel that it was worth the effort?

For those who keep their married name, why did you keep it and do you ever regret it? I am leaning toward changing my name, but after 33 years, I know it will take some getting used to.


http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2399446#Post2399446
FBS- me, 53
FWH-53
Married 34 yrs
DD 27 and 30, DS 19 (disabled)
after 2nd DDay, filed for D Dec 09 (me)
6-6-10 WH moved in with OW
7-3-10 WH returned home
taking recovery one day at a time

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
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I took back my maiden name when I divorced my ex, but I was only married for ten months...it was worth every effort. However, it was enough trouble for me to wait four years after marrying my H to officially change my name this time.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
CWMI #2341725 03/23/10 11:51 PM
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I am not divorced yet, but I plan to change my name back to my maiden name for certain.

I like my maiden name anyways.



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I dont know yet if I want to take my maiden name back... I dont like my father so I dont want his name, but I dont like my STBXH either, lol. It's a lot to change too... ID, driver's license, credit cards, passport, checks, bank accounts, bills, car registration/insurance, social security card... I could go on.... I kinda like having the same last name as my kids, and hopfully I'll find a good man and get remarried someday... IDK.
I think after 33 years, I'd probably keep my married name. But if you cant stand it, then it's probably worth it to change it back. 33 years is a long time...


Me,BS age 24
WH age 23
DD age 3,DS age 2
WH deployed March '08-March '09
4 affairs
Plan A/B~complicated
I filed D 8/4/09
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I'm keeping my married name. I built a career with this name and would not be recognized by my maiden name. I've had it so long, it IS my name.

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I am hoping (I don't think there's any way I can enforce it) that my WW jettisons my surname when the divorce becomes final. She trashed everything else about our relationship, why she would want to keep her married name is beyond me.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I took back my maiden name. I always told him that I would only hold onto it if I was a widow. Some thought I should for the kids sake but what if I was to marry again? Wouldn't it change then? My last name is ok but I HATE my first name!! I am really tempted to change that! LOL

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My ex took back her maiden name. My understanding is that it's cheaper to do it at the divorce then later on. I know she was still (9 months later) working on changing IDs, but my ex can procrastinate. As well she had hyphenating her maiden with mine during marriage, so it was a bit less critical to get these changed I think.

I really didn't want her to change her name, and was surprised she did. She had dropped my name way before the divorce was final, and it hurt a lot every time I saw her maiden name. I know that wasn't the intention, but it still hurt...still does a little. She was starting to teach again, so it was the logical time to do that as far as name you go by.

I was surprised because the reason she wanted to hyphen the last name when we got married is so that could maintain the last name connection with her son. I assummed she would keep the hypen name for the connection to the kids she shared with me. She told me she got over all that.


Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
dkd #2343367 03/26/10 01:25 PM
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I took back my maiden name after 25 years of marriage - my children were all grown and I didn't see a reason to keep it - he cheated and I decided if he married the ow I didn't want the same last name.

I really didn't find it difficult at all to change my legal documents.

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I almost totally renamed myself. faint

I did not care for my maiden name. Plus, I had some issues w/ my father's family. sigh

I was never thrilled w/ what people called me while I was married.....two common/boring names. I did not feel they reflected me. So, I did started hyphenating my first and middle names together and slowly changed everything back before so much documentation became necessary for something like that. mr eek

When we divorced, the only two choices I had for my name were to keep his or go back to my maiden name. I could not afford a second court action. banghead

I spent 5 years, though, fantasizing over what I wanted my last name to be. It needed to be something that looked like it might belong on the family tree. My mother asked me not to use her maiden name - she did not want people to think I was 'an illegitimate child'. As there is a porn movie with the name I could have if I used her maiden name, I opted to honor her request. blush

When x married his second wife, I had a friend who was an attorney who did the name change for his costs. This time, I went for the whole enchilada. clap

I changed my first name to the hyphenated name I had been using for years. Neither name was particularly unusual but in combination they are striking....it is not Teresa-Lynn but that is an example of what it might be.

My legal middle name is the maiden name I dislike. I use it as a middle initial only. It ties me to the family tree. (Bear in mind that this new first and middle name combination is almost exactly what appeared on my initial birth certificate with only the addition of a hyphen.)


My chosen last name is my grandfather's middle name, my father's middle name, my son's middle name. It fits on the family tree. It is easy to spell. It is common and it balances my unusual first name. cool

Because I followed the established procedures and reported it to the Vital Records of the state in which I live, they amended my birh certificate. My new last name is now the last name that appears on my birth certificate. It is my maiden name. clap

I have totally renamed my self. I have a name as unique as me! I love my name. I don't identify with any of the three last names I have had in my lifetime. But, I LOVE my chosen name. hurray

The man I have been dating for several years has the same first name as my chosen last name. He tells me that he understands what a healing experience it was for me to do this as we were acquainted before the change. It is his spoken opinion that no man who expects me to change my name upon marrying him is worthy. He KNOWS that this is my chosen name and that I have this name for strong personal reasons. No one gave it to me. flirt


dance2I LOVE MY CHOSEN NAME! dance2

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okay, cinderella, that was thee most entertaining and confusing post I have ever read on this board. Or any other for that matter. My mind is still a blur from it.

My wife never took my name. It was always a bit of a sore spot. Then the kids had to have hyphenated names. Ugh, this whole thing is making me ill.

My name is very common, and I like it. I think I'll stick with it. whistle

~optimism


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
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I think it would matter only how you view the divorce. Me? If I divorce there is no question on dumping my stupid last name. Never liked it anyhew.

I have 2 daughters that I hope someday will be happily married. They will not be stuck with that last name anyways, so there is no reason to hold onto it for their sake.

To me a name holds a great place of honor and respect. My longish-polish maiden name sounds perfectly swell to me! It represents 50% of my heritage, and my current name only reflects 24 years of drama, issues and disfunction.
phooooey!


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Nice story Cinderella. Maybe if I ever get around to changing my name I'll do something like that. I often wonder how my decendants will ever follow my stage in the family tree. My son has the last name of his biodad (XH#1) and I have my married name from WXH. My old family plot is full and in a different province so the 2 of us will be buried in a completely different part of the country with little to no connection to the original family. If I were to start anew, in addition to trying to link the family tree, I would also give myself an alphabetical promotion. Through each marriage, I changed to names progressively later in the alphabet and have noticed distinct disadvantages of this. So if I were to ever change it again, I'll be looking through my family tree for names beginning with an "A" or "B". Not sure they exist but it would be a fun project to find out!

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Jumping a little late into this conversation, but I decided to keep my married name. Similar to Tabby1, my whole adult life, career, and volunteer activities are built on this name.

I laughed about it the other day because I never used to understand the purpose of "Ms" until I was filling out paperwork to move to another state, and had to check the "Miss Mrs or Ms" block. Well, I'm not Miss Lastname, and I'm not Mrs Lastname, so from now on I'm "Ms" LOL!


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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I absolutely HATE DESPISE LOATHE and DETEST the title "Ms" and even more so since I technically could go by it now. I absolutely refuse to be titled at all unless there are no other options available. My bank gets really irritated with me as I have to go in person to specifically make sure my checks don't have any title at all. I'm not "Mrs" anybody but I'm not "Ms" either!

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Optimism, let me simplify:

- I hated my maiden name. Then I got married and was called the equivalent of Jenny Jenson. It didn't please me because it was boring. uhuh

- Early in my married life, I chose to start hyphenating my first and middle names...think Jenny-Beth Jenson... to make ME happier. clap

- When we divorced, I didn't take back the maiden name I didn't like but kept x's because of our children. sigh

- I spent years fantasizing about a name change. My mom was fine with it as long as I didn't use her maiden name (Bond). Then I found out there was a porn movie with that name, "Jenny Bond and the man with the golden rod" - or something like that. mr eek

- When x married wife #2, I changed my whole name to, for illustrative purposes, Jenny-Beth....former-maiden-name....chosen-last-name. clap

- I LOVE MY CHOSEN NAME dance2

Last edited by cinderella; 04/27/10 12:54 PM. Reason: add elipses to name for clarity
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BTW my initial post on this thread had a serious typo near the end.

The Diplomat (my BF - whose first name is the same as my last name) says that any man who expects me to change my name if I marry him is NOT worthy of me.

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2 more things....

Optimism, if you like the name you have now, keep it. That's cool.

Tabby, I have never had trouble getting my checks printed without a title. I have had trouble getting them to change the last name because they failed to notice the change.

Now, that hyphenated first name is problematic for computer systems. Most of them aren't set up to handle it it. I NEVER know how my account is listed with your company. I call or go to a business and they want to know how the account is listed....I don't know what YOUR company did to my name. However, I can tell you how my name is PROPERLY spelled. Whatever YOU do to it is YOUR problem.

Last edited by cinderella; 04/27/10 01:02 PM. Reason: clarify

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