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Deleted the last nasty email. This one was pregnant too and I thought she would be sympathetic but she said I am sad and lonely person to be doing this. I DID THE RIGHT THING I DID I DID.
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Sorry for the multiple posts but I wrote a long update and some reason it didn't go through.
I got an email from chaplain about not finding OWH so I wrote him back to update him on what's going on. I really hope he can help me, even though now he knows I did not take his advice about not using facebook. He actually told me "it's not the classy way to handle things" and said the classier I handle things the better things will be and/or seem.
No, I disagree. The Chaplain may not understand that it is not "classy" to sit idly by while your marriage is being destroyed. He has the attitude most people do, that exposure is an attemp at retribution when it is not, it is shining the light of truth on the ugliness of the A. After all, if he isn't doing anything wrong, he should be PROUD and want the whole world to know, not threatening you if you expose.
I have no way to email the commander. Do i talk to the Rear D commander then? Is that how that works?
All I have is my FRG leaders phone numbers - and one of them IS the commander's wife.
Do I go to legal first then? And then to my commander? SG, Do NOT CALL THE COMMANDERS WIFE! Way uncool and she won't like being brought into this and the Commander won't like her being brought into your situation and the situation of one of his soldiers. Legal first, get your options. I dont know what service your H is in, but in the Navy, a Navy Wife outranks everybody and I mean everyone. If legal tells you they aren't able to advise you since it is possible action against your H or something like that, get the newspaper that is usually printed weekly for the base. In it you will find a lot of ads for lawyers that are retired JAG officers. Andrews AFB is called The Capitol Flyer, you know, the ones they put outside the commissary. SWW
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WH wrote me a message on FB last night before I found his secret page. My friend told me not to bring attention that I know of that page so that if he does update it we can see it. He actually posted on there that he is in a relationship with the OW. WHen I first saw that I was excited because I thought I found her husband or even boyfriend...I broke down when i saw it was my H. I may have acted on emotions last night but I really need this to be over my children are getting affected by this.
I hope you printed it out and made copies for evidence to the JAG if needed. Don't let him know you can see it and keep snooping for more evidence for legal.
Not sure if I shared this yet but I don't know where to go. Isn't his command deployed with him? Do I go to the Rear D command? Or do I go to legal first? I have my FRG leaders information and one of them happens to be the commander's wife. Should I call her and ask? Or do I try to go through my counselor and/or chaplain?
What kind of unit is this? They didn't leave a detachment behind? Isn't there a family support plan? The base out of which the unit is detached will have a family services office and Legal, that's where to go. SWW
Last edited by sickwithworry; 03/25/10 12:27 PM.
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Smiley PLEASE note SWW's advice.
-JKT
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Yes. SWW is giving sound advice.
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Please explain what kind of information am I going to get from Legal so I know what to ask. I don't want to just show up and not really know what to say.
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"What kind of unit is this? They didn't leave a detachment behind? Isn't there a family support plan? The base out of which the unit is detached will have a family services office and Legal, that's where to go."
They do have a detachment unit behind...I just don't know where to go. My counselor told me that some soldiers like to keep their wives isolated and ignorant so they don't know what to do. Feels like he's done that to me.
Oh only reason why I would call the commander's wife is to find out how to get in touch with Rear D.
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So this is his second affair?
Or was the affair in 07 with the same woman and you had a false recovery?
How did he meet OW?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Please explain what kind of information am I going to get from Legal so I know what to ask. I don't want to just show up and not really know what to say. Make an appt with Legal and tell them it's about a financial matter and that your H is deployed. Once in you tell them the story. Here is what he is doing and he is threatening to cut you off. You tell them that you believe that it is the wife of another service member but that she is not in the military. Right now you need financial protection. You may be able to get their guage on the UCMJ ramifications, but, much discretion is left to the Commander, which is why I say dont get off on the wrong foot by draggin his wife into this or by firing in an email. Now, since you aren't the service member they may not be able to tell you some things, or may refuse to, that's why i say call one of those retired JAG guys in the little on base newspaper, or have their number handy. Your first consult should be free. I don't know what a rear D is, but if you google the base there will be a phone directory, look for Legal. SWW
Last edited by sickwithworry; 03/25/10 01:10 PM.
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Deleted the last nasty email. This one was pregnant too and I thought she would be sympathetic but she said I am sad and lonely person to be doing this. I DID THE RIGHT THING I DID I DID. Just remember that you don't need the approval of CRAPWITS! It is better to get the DISAPPROVAL of a fool than their approval. You did great! Now, it is important that you finish up your exposures TODAY to give them tsunami effect. You have them on the ropes and cant afford to let up. And yes, exposure is very "classy," you can tell the chaplain. What is not "classy" is lying and cheating and doing a married man. There is nothing low class about exposing low class behavior. All you did was expose TRUTH. If people find that behavior non classy, then that reflects that behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Would it help to tell them that it's a family emergency in order to get seen quicker?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Have to run to an appt, but can y'all please get her on track to finish up her exposures today and get through to the commander? SG, don't let this dribble out, or you will lose the impact of exposure. This needs to hit the infidels like a tsunami.
SG, can anyone else finish up the exposures to the OW's facebook friends for you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can 't verify if there was an affair in Hawaii so I don't know. It is most likely a different person.
He met my OW through my kids' elementary school. When I first found out they were talking on by cell phone, this is what he told me. If you see someone every day at pick up you tend to make small talk. However ever since the beginning of the year he's been telling me about this woman he found attractive. He's just like that - that's just the way we were if he found someone pretty at the mall he'd tell me and I'd tell him the same. BUt I realize NOW that if he kept telling me about one person that should have been a red flag.
Here's another bomber- her daughter was in my son's class. They had the same teacher. WHen i found out about her, he told me she is out of his life because they moved. 2 weeks later my son shared with me that this little girl moved away. My WH used to tease my son to tell the little girls mom to come over for a playdate and asked if he thought she was pretty.....
So in other words ...my son is going to figure out that his classmate's mom is with his dad? Isn't that going to mess him up emotionally?
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Please explain what kind of information am I going to get from Legal so I know what to ask. I don't want to just show up and not really know what to say. Make an appt with Legal and tell them it's about a financial matter and that your H is deployed. Once in you tell them the story. Here is what he is doing and he is threatening to cut you off. You tell them that you believe that it is the wife of another service member but that she is not in the military. Right now you need financial protection. You may be able to get their guage on the UCMJ ramifications, but, much discretion is left to the Commander, which is why I say dont get off on the wrong foot by draggin his wife into this or by firing in an email. Now, since you aren't the service member they may not be able to tell you some things, or may refuse to, that's why i say call one of those retired JAG guys in the little on base newspaper, or have their number handy. Your first consult should be free. I don't know what a rear D is, but if you google the base there will be a phone directory, look for Legal. SWW Rear D means rear detatchment unit. He has not really threatened to take away money from me. I know I have to protect myself in case he does but he has told me he would never do that but then again he always said he wouldn't leave me for another woman. He has not actually threateneed me about taking away money though. Only way he threatened me was saying he will not call me for the entire year and he will go to command himself.
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Oh and 1 other thing, no 2:
1. Get a voice recorder and record what he says, particularly when he threatens you. Maybe a lawyer can chime in here, but if he is deployed out of the country and threatening you with financial ruin as well as his kids I think it's pretty understandable, if not admissible in court.
2. You are amazing. Getting close to delivering a baby and going thru all this and yet still able to think and function? I am impressed! You are better at this than I was.
Maybe you should be the one in the Army! Or, heck, we sure could use you in the NAVY!!!
SWW
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So in other words ...my son is going to figure out that his classmate's mom is with his dad? Isn't that going to mess him up emotionally? What will mess him up is lying to him about it and giving him false explanations. He probably has already seen alot more than you know and senses this is WRONG. But since no adult will validate his instincts he is thinking something is wrong with his head. When adults teach kids that wrong is right, nothing in life makes sense. It is horribly morally confusing. I would set him down and explain the affair to him and tell him it is wrong and why. My own father messed me up real by taking me around his OW. I grew to realize I must be a very stupid child because what seemed wrong to me was obviously not wrong to adults.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What Melody is saying is true. I have direct experience with parent's denying reality and it messed with my head big time.
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So go to legal and ask them what can I do to get financial protection? I am heading out to labor and delivery now so I won't be able to check until I get home. I may head to legal after the hopsital...but then I have to go to command tomorrow...
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Take care of yourself. Go to legal and see what they say in regards to who you need to go to next. One step at a time.
YOU DID GREAT. Keep it up
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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