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If my H leaves me for her, then I am a really sad person and I really do need some self improvement. Not true. If your H were to leave you for her, then it means he has a lack of boundaries and is making poor decisions. This does not reflect on you.
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If my H leaves me for her, then I am a really sad person and I really do need some self improvement. Not true. If your H were to leave you for her, then it means he has a lack of boundaries and is making poor decisions. This does not reflect on you. Word.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Good point Mr W. I hate that my view is so A filled. I try not to do that. To be honest, I didn't even notice the dates were a few days apart either, I was FOCUSED on the content. The advice is still the same. SNOOP and Plan A until you KNOW for sure.  More details to note.... He didn't respond IMMEDIATELY. His response was around 4 hours later. Not typical of an affair at all [more particularly on his end] Mr. W
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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On the plus side: you finally have a crucial valuable piece of information about what is wrong with your marriage. With a little more information, you can fight the disease and your marriage can recover, given support and guidance from the excellent folks here. I second this. I'm sorry and glad. Glad you are uncovering the truth. Sorry the truth may be what it appears to be.
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If my H leaves me for her, then I am a really sad person and I really do need some self improvement. Not true. If your H were to leave you for her, then it means he has a lack of boundaries and is making poor decisions. This does not reflect on you. Word. FOR SURE. MY WH lives with POSOW. That says NOTHING about me and EVERYTHING about HIM. Letting my WH abuse me by continuing his A while living with me would have said much more about ME. Besides, they always say that Wayturds AFFAIR DOWN. It may not be looks or social status but it is DEFINITELY true in MORALS and PERSONALITY(and in my case it is TRUE for EVERYTHING).
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Well, regarding the inappropriate texts, it may not necessarily be a ROMANTIC affair; however, some men seem to like having female friends who offer no-strings benefits.
Kinda like an "She's just a fun person to hang out with once in a while, and I get laid, too" attitude...which is a REALLY SUCKY ATTITUDE about sex, IMHO.
So, his delay in answering her text isn't really surprising if she's just someone he hooks up with once in a while.
I'd keep snooping on this.
Last edited by Lady_Clueless; 03/29/10 11:55 AM.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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More details to note....
He didn't respond IMMEDIATELY. His response was around 4 hours later.
Not typical of an affair at all [more particularly on his end]
Mr. W It was actually days later....She sent the "Baby" message on 3/11 & he sent the "pretty lady" response the night of 3/14...She did not reply.
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Another thing to think about: My AT&T text messages don't always get delivered right away. I have gotten some that were sent several days earlier. I don't know what's up with that, but it happens.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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I fully intend to keep snooping.
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[ I said he previously told me that cheating = THE END of a marriage. He said that he didn't exactly say that. OH YES HE HAS...many times during our Marriage. Yet this time it was, "It depends on the context. For example, if a couple is like how we were a few weeks ago when one of us said IT'S OVER, I wouldn't blame the other spouse for doing something because they were told it's over." ugh... this is a common rationalization for an affair. A WS will tell his spouse that they want a divorce, so they tell themselves "the marriage is over, therefore I am ENTITLED to cheat." He has apparently entertained this rationalization in his mind and has been thinking about it. We have had - usually wayward wives - pronounce themselve "separated" and move into the spare bedroom to carry on an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It was actually days later....She sent the "Baby" message on 3/11 & he sent the "pretty lady" response the night of 3/14...She did not reply. Does that match up with the phone records? Were there any texts that were deleted between those two texts? Because his text response to her text doesn't seem in context. Sorry about all the 'text'ing. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Not saying you shouldn't be vigilant but this might be a case of hearing hoofbeats and assuming Zebras, not horses. Zebras are just horses in pyjamas.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Doesn't mean it's not inappropriate and might be an indication of an affair in the making but please realize you are in a room full of people who's spouses ALREADY went down a path that included text messages and the like exactly like these. Our collective hindsight on SAA is a bit skewd to say EVERYTHING is an affair. My take is a little different on this and I back up this view with the fact that we are almost ALWAYS RIGHT when we tell someone their spouse is having an affair. Rather than being "skewed" or "biased," we are "enlightened." It's about like a master mechanic who listens to and fixes engines every day for a living. I would call him experienced, educated, and enlightened...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I fully intend to keep snooping. Hey Chris, another thing you can do is go put a keylogger on his computer. eblaster is a good one that he can't detect. It will email the reports to an email address. It is at spectorpro.com and is easy to install. It takes under 5 minutes to install.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It was actually days later....She sent the "Baby" message on 3/11 & he sent the "pretty lady" response the night of 3/14...She did not reply. Does that match up with the phone records? Were there any texts that were deleted between those two texts? Because his text response to her text doesn't seem in context. Sorry about all the 'text'ing. Yes, I am saying this based on the phone records. What I did was read all the unerased text messages I could on the phone. I forwarded the suspicious ones to my email address, then I went online & compared the info...matched up dates & times. I scoured the records for text & regular calling & since 3/14 there has been no contact between him & her using the cell phone -regualr calls or text.
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Hey Chris, another thing you can do is go put a keylogger on his computer. eblaster is a good one that he can't detect. It will email the reports to an email address. It is at spectorpro.com and is easy to install. It takes under 5 minutes to install. I'll admit - I am initimidated by that sort of thing. He's the tech guru in the house...So I would be worried about being found out or having the program etc discovered. Here's what I found on the site's FAQs: 8. Can I monitor my spouse with this software?
You should NOT attempt to monitor your spouse, significant other or adult children with any SpectorSoft product without the consent and knowledge of such persons. Doing so may violate local, state or federal laws and you could be subject to civil or criminal penalties. I did order the SIM card reader for the cell phone just now but, I gotta be honest and say I am not willing to risk jail and my livlihood for this. My career requires a clearance. Thoughts?
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They write that to save their own butts. I don't see your WH taking you to court if you find proof of an A. Don't let the fact that he may find it discourage you though. I put one on my computer and my WH found it after only 2 hours but there was enough proof for me to KNOW that there was not "just a friendship" going on. Hard to refute, "That's why I want to do other things with you so it's not just about sex."
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hey Chris, another thing you can do is go put a keylogger on his computer. eblaster is a good one that he can't detect. It will email the reports to an email address. It is at spectorpro.com and is easy to install. It takes under 5 minutes to install. I'll admit - I am initimidated by that sort of thing. He's the tech guru in the house...So I would be worried about being found out or having the program etc discovered. Here's what I found on the site's FAQs: 8. Can I monitor my spouse with this software?
You should NOT attempt to monitor your spouse, significant other or adult children with any SpectorSoft product without the consent and knowledge of such persons. Doing so may violate local, state or federal laws and you could be subject to civil or criminal penalties. I did order the SIM card reader for the cell phone just now but, I gotta be honest and say I am not willing to risk jail and my livlihood for this. My career requires a clearance. Thoughts? That's just a legal disclaimer. That's like saying these bongs we sell are for tobacco use only. That's exactly what that software is intended for. If the computer is yours, you should not have any issues. However, if it is your husband's work laptop that the company owns, then yes, it would be illegal to install that program on.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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I'll admit - I am initimidated by that sort of thing. He's the tech guru in the house...So I would be worried about being found out or having the program etc discovered. Here's what I found on the site's FAQs: 8. Can I monitor my spouse with this software?
You should NOT attempt to monitor your spouse, significant other or adult children with any SpectorSoft product without the consent and knowledge of such persons. Doing so may violate local, state or federal laws and you could be subject to civil or criminal penalties. I did order the SIM card reader for the cell phone just now but, I gotta be honest and say I am not willing to risk jail and my livlihood for this. My career requires a clearance. Thoughts? Well, of course they're going to say that! You think they don't know how popular their software is specifically for the purpose of snooping on straying spouses? You think he'll press charges for invading his secrecy?? Do what you feel comfortable with. I'd be ready to change careers if that was the deciding factor. I'll try to be objective for a minute, here, and assume that the text exchanges could be totally innocent... Okay, time's up. They AREN'T totally innocent! Exchanging endearments with someone other than your spouse is  !
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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