I hesitate to respond - because I am FWW.

Because I cant take the good advice other people give me much less offer it.

But then - the pain of a BS rips me up each time I read a thread...its my Bs all over again multiplied.

And the fogginess of a wayward frusrates me so much I wanna help them to. But really what do I got to offer.

ACE wanted to add my BRASS acryonym to healthy habits so I thought maybe I would add it here

When you are triggered think BRASS

When you are overwhelmed think BRASS

When you are curled in a corner crying your heart out and hitting your head against a wall because you have disappointed yourself so horribly you cant not even believe you have the will to draw another breath...think BRASS


Breath
Relax
Aim
invision your goal - a restored marriage, a succesful plan a, b or D what ever)
STOP -
thats stop the noise, stop the thoughts, stop the mind movies - just STOP all negative thoughts and actions
SHOOT -
go out a do something positive...buy flowers for spouse, buy flowers for yourself, file for divorce, by HNHN = what ever you need to DO to get you OUT of the closet where you are hiding and sucking your thumb...

Keep posting SisterReed. That was a good one.

Larry

I have to agree that it feels good when people just reply to my posts, no matter what they say. At least then, I know someone is listening to me. Sometimes, I want advice, sure. But sometimes, I just want to know that someone understands or heard what I said. Being a BS is so, so lonely.

It's weird, because I know I have so many friends right now. So many people are here for me, not just on MB, but here where I live. Despite knowing that, I feel so desperate sometimes for a hug. BSs cannot get enough hugs or understanding. So even if all you can post is "hey I read your post and am thinking of you" - that helps.



PS - I can't find some of the cool smileys that Mel and Pepper can... hmmm....

What I do is click on quote and then you can read the code where they put in the smiley. But shhhhhhhh don't tell anyone else kay? it's our secret.

HEHEHEHEHE

Well everything you wrote before the BRASS is WRONG. YOU ARE GREAT AT THIS. I emailed your post for future reference. Thanx for posting.

Hmmmmmm, I dunno Mel, that's an awful BIG favor to ask...I'll have to get back to you...

Mrs. W

At least I get kudos for some of my siggies.

Why do I think that on a certain level, uh, things might be getting a little out of control?

Oh well.

Larry

I can only keep up with a few threads, and I have not read this entire one, but I was very interested in not2fun's post. For those who don't know, not2fun (and several others) were instrumental in getting me though a very difficult exposure, and subsequent plan A, moved toward B, but eventual D; which is the right eventuality (tough to admit, but true).

During all that time, I started wondering and even developing a theory that 'vets' had taken up some sort of unspoken mission against Adultery itself. Like a little war, to make the world a better place. Maybe this is right to some extent, maybe totally wrong (I�m in a different emotional and mental place now, so not necessarily so attached to that view).

Regardless, there is a genuine opportunity here on this and other boards to help others improve their lives with simple gestures of encouragement, camaraderie, coaxing, reality checking, empathy, etc. And that�s only the direct assistance. What touches my heart is the opportunity to indirectly help a whole family; in some cases the children of adults (WS's)making bad choices. In a way, it is possible with this website to positively affect generations of people with a little effort, concentration, and general human kindness.

I know the help I have received here is, and will be, immeasurable to my children; and they hardly know what MB is!

opt

OPT


Yep.

Larry

Which part is wrong...see i shouldnt be offering my two cents...cause then my pockets are empty

You were wrong because you were saying that you didn't have much to offer. I think you have TONNES to offer and I can tell just by the BRASS. That was a great help to me and I am sure you have much more to offer.

Sometimes it can be as simple as saying that you agree with others have posted so that the BS/WS will see that it isn't just ONE poster saying that.

Sisterreed- Please post whenever you get the urge. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the results.

My two cents from my empty pockets is that I think that the people here need comfort and affirmation and love and advice on how to become loveable. I think that even the waywards, the recovering and the recovered that are here are here for the same reason. It is beyond rewarding to have that ahah moment and to learn and grow from it and watch the changes that occur in our Ms and our lives. Some recover their M, others just their since of selfworth. It is also beyond rewarding to watch the others grow and change.

We come here broken, grieved and damaged people and we rise from the ashes. That is what brings so many back to offer whatever help they are able. I am forever grateful to those braver than me who have shared their stories from the very beginning and all those who have offered their support and advice and love. I have benefited from it beyond what I can possibly begin to tell you and I benefited by lurking for the first two years.

If anything I share is any help at all, then I am giving back.

God's Blessings,

Say

Sister- please continue to post. As a BH, it helps me tremendously just to see FWWs on here. You can all also help us try to make some sense out of what doesn't make sense. Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, I think you have tons to offer so keep posting. Thanks.

Well said Opt and Say. Once again you guys have typed into words the feelings I wanted to express. You are awesome.

One of the very best on this board is MrsW, who is a former WW. Her contribution cannot be discounted. She does good. So any FWW is needed and appreciated because of what they KNOW in terms of the fog, how they got into their affair and how they got out and recovered their sanity.

MrsW contributes far more than FWW perspective. She has grown and learned as a person and has changed as she has adopted responsibility as her mantra. I think it is a shame that she is not as active here as she once was. But others will come in and take her place as time goes on. This is the way it works for a board like this one.

Larry

Larry, and Optimism,

I think you expressed so adequately a part of the Serenity Pryar (really the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi).

"for it is in giving that we recieve"

Thanks Larry and Optimism.

Tom

I just got back from a long business trip & a stretch of 55-hour work-weeks in preparation for the trip. Except for the server blackout last October, it was the first time (since I first showed up 8 months ago) that I've been away from these boards for more than a few days.

The absence made me realize more acutely that it's hard being here. It's hard reading the stuff that goes on, knowing that it's not just some awful paperback novel, but real stuff that's happening to real people. I think that whether you're a BS or one who did the betraying, there's a very real "trigger" aspect in reading people's experiences, recalling parallels or differences with one's own experiences, and going back over your mistakes (or in some cases a few things you did right) to pull out some nugget of advice or real-life illustration of a Harley MB principle that someone might find useful, or touch of empathy, or even a pointed criticism that might get someone thinking more clearly.

So my hat's off to the folks who are able to keep coming back here time after time, even year after year, to chime in with painfully-earned wisdom & make a positive difference in the lives of strangers.

I feel sometimes like Jacob Marley's ghost, wearing a heavy chain -- a chain I forged myself when I engaged in my affair, a chain I belted my wife in the face with, out of a blind alley, on the day I broke the news of it to her. What I really wish I could do is, like that ghost, go around and rattle my chain at idiots like I was, before they commit the sort of selfishness & inconsideration that I committed. Lacking that ability, it's been somewhat cathartic to be able to share advice with people who are walking on paths that I or my wife walked. But I need a lil' break from this place. Mark, Mel, Pep, Goldenyears, tst, LousyGolfer, lurioosi & lots of others -- TWC and I are glad that you've been called to be such constant & wise presences here. RedsWife, been rooting for you & your H from the start -- glad to see you climbing back & giving back. Thanks for the thread, Larry.

GO

I took a break and it was good for me. Now I am back. That feels good too. For me, it has been a reminder that life is meant to be lived and sometimes, that means adversity. Knowing that I can sometimes help someone who is facing what I faced is a reward for me. I don't take it personal anymore.

Larry