Mymissy- When did you give him the letter? Didn't you leave it in the house when you left? WS's HATE Plan B and will do whatever they can to break it. It makes them feel GREAT and makes you feel HORRIBLE. Please don't answer any of his texts. As a matter of fact, delete them without reading them. You could set up an IM but he shouldn't have to use it very often as you have little to discuss on a daily basis.

Delete 'em!

He needs to understand that there will be NO FRIENDSHIP with you after he shot you down with his affair!

I left the letter for him on the kitchen counter in the empty house.
Unfortunately I answered his texts, my bad.
Now I am trying to figure out how to trade vehicles back without having to see him. When we switched on Sat. all of my friends were here as "back up".

Why do WW's hate plan B, I would think it has opened the path for him to do whatever now; and I can no longer read emails - he changed his password on different computer.
But not reading them is better.

WS hate Plan B because they want to have it ALL. He loves the fact that he had 2 women who wanted him. He tries to contact you to show himself that you aren't serious.

Have an IM send him a message about trading the cars and have the IM do it. That way you do not need to have any contact with him.

Well, I guess timing is everything...
I left to take dog for a walk, WH sent me a text stating "I left some stuff for you on your porch".
OK, I read the text - but I did not respond.
When I got home, there was my reusable shopping bags that I keep in my vehicle, along with a few things that I left behind, all my stuff that was in my vehicle, and the sign for my business that used to be on the mailbox.
I am guessing that he does not want to switch vehicles back....OW would like to drive my vehicle (they are company leases and after D, I will not be able to drive) and I know that she is moving in a few weeks.
OWH called me yesterday and said she still planning on moving in 3 weeks. OWH has also started casually dating someone (mistake IMHO) and OW is not dealing with that very well. (???)

Obviously this is not a good example of being dark is it? I have been sucked back into the drama of his waywardness.
I really am trying...
I guess the best response is - no response.

I like the fact that I am no longer in the house and he can see me moping around. I guess that is why no response is best. I would think that the situation was as uncomfortable for him as it was for me. But like I said, he could see how much he hurt me and how angry I was.
I guess switching vehicles isn't an issue for now.

Well, I did not hear from WH today, no texts. I have to admit I am slightly disappointed.
But I realized today that I can breath, I am not feeling as though I am about to have an anxiety attack every minute of every day.
So far for me Plan B is all about personal recovery.
I find that I still have days of overwhelming sadness and wonder if those will get better.

Days and nights will get better... in time.

It just doesn't seem like it right now. You obssess and second guess and get upset and revisit every conversation.

Gather your army of supporters. Spill and cry and talk and pray.
Don't keep it all inside. Eventually you will get back your barrings. Then.... watch out WH. You will KNOW that it has nothing to do with you. He is the problem. And you will be ready for a battle.

What are your plans for the new place? Fresh flowers really do bring cheer! Splurge. How about a mani/pedi soon?

X3

Hold yourself accountable to what you wrote in the PLB letter.

You set the terms of your relationship today with that letter. Usually the boudaries you set in the PLB letter will be tried over and over.

HOLD STRONG TO WHAT THE LETTER SAYS. If WH sees he can walk all over that letter then you have let him set the terms of your relationship. Wayturds don't respect boundaries very well or they probably wouldn't be Wayturds would they..........

DID the doc turn out OK?

Nesre

Its hard to accept change cause we all want things the way they were.
Dont read into WHY there are no texts from him, be glad that there arent cause then you dont have to ignore them.
If you REALLY want peace and recovery please please please read up on plan B and understand the purpose of it and how it can help YOU. Its very hard for me(us) to sit here in the sidelines and watch you suffer when there is an easy way YOU can save yourself from that.

(((((MYMISSY)))))

I know it is hard, especially in the first few days/weeks of Plan B. You are going to have a withdrawal of your own for a little while. Gather that support and let it all out. Try very hard to change your way of thinking so WH isn't in every thought you have. It will get better, just start erasing him in your mind.

So do you have a new hobby? What have you always wanted to try and didn't? Do yo want to try skydiving? How about bungee jumping?

Thanks for the hug Scotty, I needed it.
Actually for right now I am too busy with work, rearranging my new space, and caring for my dog (she is stressed with the change) to take up a new hobby.
But I will consider skydiving or bungee jumping (not)
So for now the time remains lonely and sad; and I can't help my feelings. For the last 13 years (minus the last 13 weeks) I spoke to this person everyday, often several times a day. I know I sound like a broken record, but it all still feels like a nightmare and not real.
The reality of it all still s*cks and I can't seem to let go of the thoughts of what went wrong, why is he even attracted to her, have I made the right decisions, should I have continued to fight for the M, and what I might have done differently.
I am still surviving moment to moment some days, although I seem to cry a little less.
As hard as it is, I have maintained staying dark for the last few days.
I have to admit though I am considering going out to the house next week one day while he is at work to check on the dogs and let all three play together for a while. I have avoided doing that this week. It would just be to soon and to hard.

All of these questions and thoughts are COMPLETELY NORMAL. Just remember that they teach you something. You will learn from it. I remember counting the first few days in minutes, then hours. The first month, I could have told you how many days it had been. Now I just say 3.5 months. I have to actually look at a calendar to really know. It feels good, but it is also a little sad. I realize that in a way I am moving on.

So about the skydiving and bungee jumping, truth be told, I AM AFRAID OF HEIGHTS. I can't even stand on a chair without being scared. I just thought that it would get you thinking about some things. And some people really do enjoy these activities, although why you would jump out of a perfectly functioning aircraft is beyond me

You should visit your dogs. They are your family, and space is the only reason you left them behind. Yes, time it so you don't run into him.

And tell them it's OK to BITE OW when she shows up. As long as they've had their shots. Who knows what your dogs could catch from that skank!

HH- LOL IF ONLY. Wouldn't that be something to see?

Well I need some advice....
DstepD20 is home from school this weekend and has been spending some time with me. WH found a box of my stuff at the house and thought it was all of my things from HS. What he obviously did not realize is that it had many, many of the countless letters and cards and love notes he had written to me when we were dating and first married.
I am sending a few photos back to him via DstepD and thought I would include copies of a few of the letters to remind him of how much he was unsure if he ever loved me.

Good idea or Bad idea??????

The letters from 13 years ago now sound like the same stuff he now writes to OW. Only mine were longer and more in depth.

Any advice would be appreciated, he also offered to switch vehicles back and I thought I would just let DstepD do that for me, so that I don't have to respond to his text or see him.

Again any advice?????

I would send them to OW.........

Ok, that was a bit twisted!!!!


Missy, don't second guess yourself. YOU know you couldn't handle trying to Plan A ESPECIALLY with the blantantly cruel WH you have.....(honestly I am not sure which is worse a WH who lies about the affair and all that entangles or the WH who crams it down your throat without a single regard...... I will say it all
just pi$$es me off!!!!... ). Plan A is not for everyone, and it doesn't mean you are not strong or beautiful or worthy. Ya know, Mel is one VERY strong capapble woman, but she is very ADAMENT that she could NOT do a Plan A if her H was to cheat. She didn't with her last H and she didn't with her current H. And there is NO SHAME in that. So TRY on to question yourself with the "what it's"....

Instead, focus on YOU. What are some things you enjoy that got put to the wayside? What are some things you've always wanted to do but haven't? What are something that sound interesting that you never got to explore?

Make a "Bucket" list and then start doing them.....brainstorm without abandon!!!

Also, fill up your time...... Nothing is more depressing than sitting around doing NOTHING......

Do some volunteer work. Maybe spend time with elderly.....Become a Big Sister...... Work some weekends at an Emergency Childs shelter.....OR..... Do some work at a Animal Shelter. You could organize a donation drive for them. Set up a booth at a local
store seeking donations for pet supplies, food, old towlez and blankets......

Just stay ACTIVE!!!!!!

I'll be praying for you.....love ya bunches.....Not2fun