Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 49 1 2 9 10 11 12 13 48 49
Scotland #2344643 03/29/10 12:19 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Scotland - wow, that IS hurtful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves that kind of pain. I do want to thank you for sharing it with me. I know it wasn't easy but it does give me some idea of what I might be in for once I hear the recordings. Reading his emails hurt so much. Whatever I find out this way will likely be magnified 10X. My goal is to hold off on any confrontation until A) I have solid proof and B) I can remain calm. It's not going to be easy but it does help to know I can come here to vent.

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Thanks Going Forward.

anne505 #2345082 03/30/10 08:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
I put the VAR in the car. For anyone else who used one, how did it make you feel? I am constantly worried that it will fall out or be discovered. I don't know what would happen then.

Also, WH might be on to the fact that I read emails. He and the dirtbag friend were emailing about how the friend is possibly interested in OW. It sounded set up to me.

Just needed to vent about my concerns a little. Thanks for listening.

anne505 #2345091 03/30/10 08:15 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 552
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 552
I know how you feel. I've bought a VAR but haven't had the guts to put it in the car, yet.

I'm 2.5 months in since D-day and have been through half a dozen rounds of discovering contacts and the ensuing confrontations.

She claims that it is done now and that all she needed was closure. But, I still have that nagging feeling that we all know too well.

All the confrontations about cell phone logs, prepay phones, and sneaking around have really exacted a toll from us. I was prone to be preoccupied with the snooping, and she felt like a "caged animal."

Bottom line, if she was to find the VAR in her truck it would be catastrophic to any recovery. On the other hand, if she is cntacting the OM that too would be catastrophic.

anne505 #2345110 03/30/10 08:32 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by anne505
I put the VAR in the car. For anyone else who used one, how did it make you feel? I am constantly worried that it will fall out or be discovered. I don't know what would happen then.

Also, WH might be on to the fact that I read emails. He and the dirtbag friend were emailing about how the friend is possibly interested in OW. It sounded set up to me.

Just needed to vent about my concerns a little. Thanks for listening.

Yes, there is the possibility that it will fall. But DON'T worry about that! You are on a mission. If you've velcroed it securely you'll be in good shape.

Also, if you remember, I wondered about the emails being a set-up. But if you're remaining consistently pleasant and acting 'ignorant' (and we all know you're not, so go for the Academy Award)that is immaterial. Just wait for the intel on the VAR.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

schtoop #2345111 03/30/10 08:34 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by schtoop
Bottom line, if she was to find the VAR in her truck it would be catastrophic to any recovery. On the other hand, if she is cntacting the OM that too would be catastrophic.

This should in no way hinder your R. Why do you believe that? If she is truly remorseful she shouldn't care that you are doing what it takes for your healing. She should be an open book - I'm concerned that she feels like a 'caged animal'. There should be no independent behavior interfering with your R.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Maritalbliss - I do remember you questioning whether the emails were a set up. I don't think they started out that way but may be now. I'm praying that all goes well with the VAR. I guess if he does discover it, I will go ahead and confront with what I have. The phrase "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing" is what I'm operating on.

anne505 #2345193 03/30/10 10:37 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by anne505
Maritalbliss - I do remember you questioning whether the emails were a set up. I don't think they started out that way but may be now. I'm praying that all goes well with the VAR. I guess if he does discover it, I will go ahead and confront with what I have. The phrase "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing" is what I'm operating on.

Yep. That's all you can do, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you've got to confront sooner rather than later, then so be it.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

anne505 #2345203 03/30/10 10:43 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Quote
He and the dirtbag friend were emailing about how the friend is possibly interested in OW. It sounded set up to me.


Whaaat? They're talking about passing her around now?

Okay........ewwwwwwwwww


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
chrisner #2345297 03/30/10 12:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Chrishner - I don't know what's going on. They are either passing her around or he's trying to throw me off track since I know that dirtbag friend is a huge cheater. I'm hoping the VAR will give me some much needed answers. Today is OW's birthday. Dirtbag friend said in yesterday's email to WH that maybe he should take her out for a birthday drink. He also reminded WH to say happy birthday to her to which WH replied "When's her birthday?" I don't know what is going on!

Thanks, as always, for listening. I think I would be going crazy if I couldn't vent about all this.

anne505 #2345315 03/30/10 12:45 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
I was scared about WH finding the VAR and he DID. So I didn't get anything from that from the car. I then took it and put it in the house right near the computer and BAM_O I got him on the phone with her while I was at work. No waste in money there. What's the worst thing that he will do if he finds it? What is the worst thing that will happen? Don't worry about that. You are doing what is BEST for YOU and your M. Good Work.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
anne505 #2345475 03/30/10 04:09 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Originally Posted by anne
They are either passing her around.....

Yuck. puke Brings a whole new meaning to "Pass the butter."

Last edited by chrisner; 03/30/10 04:54 PM.

Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
chrisner #2345839 03/31/10 08:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
OMG chrisner...I can't believe you actually made me laugh about this but you did!!! You are too funny!

Good news...the VAR worked. Bad news, it didn't find anything. Yesterday was very routine. Lots of radio, a call to work, a call to me. Nothing else. If he talked to OW on her birthday (yesterday), then it was from his office. Wasn't able to get to his phone so I couldn't check it. He did write a birthday wish on her Facebook wall and then removed the statement so I wouldn't see it (the notification that would say "WH wrote on Butter's wall"). The message only said "Happy birthday my friend" so it's a huge red flag that he wouldn't want me to see that.

Since I pulled the VAR out of the car yesterday to listen to it, I was unable to get it back in there so I won't get anything from today. I can get it back in there tomorrow and I'll see what happens.

No luck with keylogger. I've been reading up on the issues of installing something like that on a corporate computer and I'm just not sure I want to do that. It may take longer this way but I think I can get what I need.

WH's dirtbag friend has started emailing me to see how I'm doing. He used to do that but it's been months since I've heard from him. Curious that I'm hearing from him now and I'm 100% certain it's to see how I will react to him so they can figure out if I know anything or not.

That's all for now. Sorry that there are no real updates. Things are kind of in limbo right now. I think this is giving me some insight as to what I'm dealing with though. I had suspected that he was seeing this woman only here and there and they were (for lack of a better term) occassional [censored] buddies. Not that it makes it any easier to handle but that does seem to be what I could be dealing with. It will also make my discovery a longer process because there doesn't seem to be lots of contact. I could be wrong but that's what it looks like now. Anyone else ever dealth with an A of this nature?

anne505 #2345925 03/31/10 10:43 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by anne505
Good news...the VAR worked. Bad news, it didn't find anything. No luck with keylogger. I've been reading up on the issues of installing something like that on a corporate computer and I'm just not sure I want to do that. It may take longer this way but I think I can get what I need.

I should have mentioned - try to be patient and leave the VAR alone for a few days. That way you can collect intel over time, which is much more damning. Get it back into the car as soon as you can and plan to leave it there 3-5 days.

WH's dirtbag friend has started emailing me to see how I'm doing. He used to do that but it's been months since I've heard from him. Curious that I'm hearing from him now and I'm 100% certain it's to see how I will react to him so they can figure out if I know anything or not.

You can pretty much take that to the bank. Something is definitely afoot. Cut them off at the pass - be your sweet, normal self. Waywards and their buddies are notoriously naive when it comes to thinking they're pulling the wool over someone's eyes.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Thanks marital bliss...great advice. I actually do plan to leave it in there longer next time. I really just wanted to verify that it was working and in a good location. I can also download the contents on my computer and then get it back in the car right away. It's going back in tonight and staying there until Friday. We will be out of town this weekend so it doesn't need to to back until Monday. I'm investing in lots of batteries because it seems to go through them quickly.

I'm sending a very sweet email to the dirtbag friend but not until tomorrow when the VAR is back in the car. WH does talk to dirtbag on the way to work and on the way home fairly often.

anne505 #2345946 03/31/10 11:12 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Quote
WH's dirtbag friend has started emailing me to see how I'm doing. He used to do that but it's been months since I've heard from him.



Hmmmmmmm..........that's creepy.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
chrisner #2345961 03/31/10 11:22 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Originally Posted by chrisner
[quote] Hmmmmmmm..........that's creepy.

Not to mention cold and calculating...

anne505 #2346034 03/31/10 12:45 PM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Just chiming in to say you're doing really well. This stuff is exhausting.

I love the names you've given to your cast of characters. "Butter", "Dirtbag Friend" - very descriptive!

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Thanks Turtlehead. I couldn't have made it this far without the help of everyone on this board. You're right, it is exhausting. For the first week, I couldn't focus or think about anything else. At least now I'm doing what I need to do and I'm feeling a little more in control.

My "cast of characters" is quite an amusing bunch. I guess I need a more descriptive nickname for WH since those around him are so "colorful". Of course I do have names for him but none of which I could repeat on this board without being censored...

anne505 #2346125 03/31/10 02:03 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
A
anne505 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 382
Okay, I just had to share this. Dirtbag Friend (maybe I should call him DF) blogs under a fake name on Facebook. This is what he posted a few days ago:

why are tiger and jesse the bad guys. Did anyone ever take the time to think why. I bet those broads dont know how to give blowjobs . They should concentrate more on how to keep a husband satisfied and a little less time crying about the cheating. Come on people. Its a fact all men cheat. These women need to wake up

What a sicko, huh?

Page 11 of 49 1 2 9 10 11 12 13 48 49

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5