Scotland - wow, that IS hurtful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves that kind of pain. I do want to thank you for sharing it with me. I know it wasn't easy but it does give me some idea of what I might be in for once I hear the recordings. Reading his emails hurt so much. Whatever I find out this way will likely be magnified 10X. My goal is to hold off on any confrontation until A) I have solid proof and B) I can remain calm. It's not going to be easy but it does help to know I can come here to vent.

Thanks Going Forward.

I put the VAR in the car. For anyone else who used one, how did it make you feel? I am constantly worried that it will fall out or be discovered. I don't know what would happen then.

Also, WH might be on to the fact that I read emails. He and the dirtbag friend were emailing about how the friend is possibly interested in OW. It sounded set up to me.

Just needed to vent about my concerns a little. Thanks for listening.

I know how you feel. I've bought a VAR but haven't had the guts to put it in the car, yet.

I'm 2.5 months in since D-day and have been through half a dozen rounds of discovering contacts and the ensuing confrontations.

She claims that it is done now and that all she needed was closure. But, I still have that nagging feeling that we all know too well.

All the confrontations about cell phone logs, prepay phones, and sneaking around have really exacted a toll from us. I was prone to be preoccupied with the snooping, and she felt like a "caged animal."

Bottom line, if she was to find the VAR in her truck it would be catastrophic to any recovery. On the other hand, if she is cntacting the OM that too would be catastrophic.

Yes, there is the possibility that it will fall. But DON'T worry about that! You are on a mission. If you've velcroed it securely you'll be in good shape.

Also, if you remember, I wondered about the emails being a set-up. But if you're remaining consistently pleasant and acting 'ignorant' (and we all know you're not, so go for the Academy Award)that is immaterial. Just wait for the intel on the VAR.

This should in no way hinder your R. Why do you believe that? If she is truly remorseful she shouldn't care that you are doing what it takes for your healing. She should be an open book - I'm concerned that she feels like a 'caged animal'. There should be no independent behavior interfering with your R.

Maritalbliss - I do remember you questioning whether the emails were a set up. I don't think they started out that way but may be now. I'm praying that all goes well with the VAR. I guess if he does discover it, I will go ahead and confront with what I have. The phrase "He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing" is what I'm operating on.

Yep. That's all you can do, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you've got to confront sooner rather than later, then so be it.

Whaaat? They're talking about passing her around now?

Okay........ewwwwwwwwww

Chrishner - I don't know what's going on. They are either passing her around or he's trying to throw me off track since I know that dirtbag friend is a huge cheater. I'm hoping the VAR will give me some much needed answers. Today is OW's birthday. Dirtbag friend said in yesterday's email to WH that maybe he should take her out for a birthday drink. He also reminded WH to say happy birthday to her to which WH replied "When's her birthday?" I don't know what is going on!

Thanks, as always, for listening. I think I would be going crazy if I couldn't vent about all this.

I was scared about WH finding the VAR and he DID. So I didn't get anything from that from the car. I then took it and put it in the house right near the computer and BAM_O I got him on the phone with her while I was at work. No waste in money there. What's the worst thing that he will do if he finds it? What is the worst thing that will happen? Don't worry about that. You are doing what is BEST for YOU and your M. Good Work.

Yuck. Brings a whole new meaning to "Pass the butter."

OMG chrisner...I can't believe you actually made me laugh about this but you did!!! You are too funny!

Good news...the VAR worked. Bad news, it didn't find anything. Yesterday was very routine. Lots of radio, a call to work, a call to me. Nothing else. If he talked to OW on her birthday (yesterday), then it was from his office. Wasn't able to get to his phone so I couldn't check it. He did write a birthday wish on her Facebook wall and then removed the statement so I wouldn't see it (the notification that would say "WH wrote on Butter's wall"). The message only said "Happy birthday my friend" so it's a huge red flag that he wouldn't want me to see that.

Since I pulled the VAR out of the car yesterday to listen to it, I was unable to get it back in there so I won't get anything from today. I can get it back in there tomorrow and I'll see what happens.

No luck with keylogger. I've been reading up on the issues of installing something like that on a corporate computer and I'm just not sure I want to do that. It may take longer this way but I think I can get what I need.

WH's dirtbag friend has started emailing me to see how I'm doing. He used to do that but it's been months since I've heard from him. Curious that I'm hearing from him now and I'm 100% certain it's to see how I will react to him so they can figure out if I know anything or not.

That's all for now. Sorry that there are no real updates. Things are kind of in limbo right now. I think this is giving me some insight as to what I'm dealing with though. I had suspected that he was seeing this woman only here and there and they were (for lack of a better term) occassional [censored] buddies. Not that it makes it any easier to handle but that does seem to be what I could be dealing with. It will also make my discovery a longer process because there doesn't seem to be lots of contact. I could be wrong but that's what it looks like now. Anyone else ever dealth with an A of this nature?

Thanks marital bliss...great advice. I actually do plan to leave it in there longer next time. I really just wanted to verify that it was working and in a good location. I can also download the contents on my computer and then get it back in the car right away. It's going back in tonight and staying there until Friday. We will be out of town this weekend so it doesn't need to to back until Monday. I'm investing in lots of batteries because it seems to go through them quickly.

I'm sending a very sweet email to the dirtbag friend but not until tomorrow when the VAR is back in the car. WH does talk to dirtbag on the way to work and on the way home fairly often.

Hmmmmmmm..........that's creepy.

Not to mention cold and calculating...

Just chiming in to say you're doing really well. This stuff is exhausting.

I love the names you've given to your cast of characters. "Butter", "Dirtbag Friend" - very descriptive!

Thanks Turtlehead. I couldn't have made it this far without the help of everyone on this board. You're right, it is exhausting. For the first week, I couldn't focus or think about anything else. At least now I'm doing what I need to do and I'm feeling a little more in control.

My "cast of characters" is quite an amusing bunch. I guess I need a more descriptive nickname for WH since those around him are so "colorful". Of course I do have names for him but none of which I could repeat on this board without being censored...

Okay, I just had to share this. Dirtbag Friend (maybe I should call him DF) blogs under a fake name on Facebook. This is what he posted a few days ago:

why are tiger and jesse the bad guys. Did anyone ever take the time to think why. I bet those broads dont know how to give blowjobs . They should concentrate more on how to keep a husband satisfied and a little less time crying about the cheating. Come on people. Its a fact all men cheat. These women need to wake up

What a sicko, huh?