The rules for the complaint!!!!!!!!!!! Oh!! I snorted!!!!!!!

Okay. So he texted me that he's signing a lease on an apartment.

And then he texted me that it's all my fault because I wouldn't call her/email her last week and tell her I was lying about being married. And that I am ruining us by my choices from last week.

I am setting up the intermediaries tonight. His parents are useless, so I'm going to go with one of my closest friends here and her husband. Garage door code- changed.

He keeps saying he will never get better and I don't understand.

I will be glad for the relief of no contact. I just keep thinking that my marriage is over, but he swings wildly from one thing to the other.

Tell me how him getting an apartment by himself, with her hating his guts could help me.

Please> I know I'm needy today, but I am struggling.

I did use the "control the truth line", and the line about not being friends. Because both of those are the absolute bottom line truth.

He's hurt that I would say I wouldn't be friends. He would never say such things, says he.

That's true. He says much worse.

Stay the course, sister. From where I sit, it appears that your WH is self-destructing. And you know what? You can't do a thing about it. You can't protect him from himself.

The best thing you can do is to remain the lighthouse that guides him home through the storm. And that means being placid, being consistent, not buying into his self-destructive drama. It means doing what you've been doing.

Take care of yourself and your kids. You are their rock. You've been great!

And you just go on and be needy if you need to (get it? 'Needy/need to'? ) You've got us when you're down.

Okay. I can stay the course. I can. I just don't want him hurt more, but I think he needs to implode completely. If getting an apartment by himself pulls him further out from us, and makes him feek even lonelier, then in the long run, i hope it causes him to try and get up faster.

Thanks. I struggle sometimes with asking for help. And I am very grateful for all of your help. So grateful.

Thanks for sharing that. It helps me with perspective. It really does.

I know it hurts to see someone you care about self-destruct.

But you know what? It will hurt you MORE if you stop his fall.....or protect him from the consequences. You have to get out of the way. You cannot be his safety net -- because you will not get a recovered husband that way.

Think about teaching the kids to ride their bikes -- sometimes they fall. But they LEARN.

Touching a hot stove? They LEARN.

A counselor was dealing with my parents once. Because my dad wanted to do "tough" love on my brother. And my mom wanted to keep rescuing him. Guess what? He's 43 and my mother still has to rescue him. Because he never learned the skills to fix anything for himself.

oh pep!

wavelength!

*sigh*

Ridic, hon, you are just not understanding how an addict's mind works.

What is the bottom line of all his moaning and groaning? The thing he comes back to over and over is that you are not helping him get access to his dope (heehee).

The rest (the apartment, the divorce) is just posturing and bovine excrement. Manipulation. Emotional blackmail. He is, in Kurt Vonnegut's words, farting and tapdancing in the hope that you will cave in and go trot off and convince his mistress to bang him again--while you take care of the house and be Good Mommy for him. He really thinks that this scenario could happen! Your husband is the King of the Cake-Eaters right now.

An addict will sell their own child to get more dope. They will dig in the trash, drink out of a toilet if their dope falls in it, lie, cheat and steal to get more dope. If you were hooked up to lethal electric voltage and he was told, "hit the button and OW will bang you again", look out, RS, cause you'd be lit up like a Roman candle. How much longer can your love last under these circumstances? Don't keep trying to find out.

Quickly get your Plan B back in place before you lose all your love for your husband.

So you are going to Plan B? Good!

Do you have a letter?

Gotta say, your WH sure does mess up a fun thread.

Prodigal son asked for his half of fathers money now.
He took it and wasted it
then he found himself sitting in mud, eating the rejected swill from a pigs trough.

He got up and at that point went home and asked to be a lowly worker on his fathers estate - didnt want to be son again just a worker...and father welcomed him back with open arms.

The lesson is...he had to get up out of the swill, and STOP his sinning and ask for forgivness.

Until one stops their sinful actions, admits their mistakes and asks for foriginess you are not required to give it.

He needs to find himself sitting in the pigs filth, eating its food and shirving in the cold of night and you cant keep him from going there. All you can do is take care of yourself, and your children. Protect them and protect yourself. If...in time you can love him and forgive him again...well then that will be a decision made then.

I think if you distance yourself from his insanity the more likely you can love him again...if you are buffeted day to day by his stupidity the love will leech away. You need to go dark plan b...to protect you and your children. To protect your love for him if any is still there.

I hope she is just taking a day off from the madness.

Her WH worries me.

I am now officially concerned.

and now you have made me officially concerned as well.