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 Happy Anniversary Smiley!
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Happy Anniversary!
What are the kids putting in the mail to WH? I know it probably feels like things are going at a snail's pace to you but really changes are happening quickly for you right now. This stuff takes time to happen, and time to change. I see a lot of change and right now all of it good.
Bet the tulips are lovely.
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I plan on sending something each week. Kids are sending pictures they made for him, cards. I have made a photo album with him and the kids that I wanted him to take with him but didn't come in time. I plan on sending something big every 2 weeks (care package) and something small in the week in between such as letters, pictures. Just a piece of home every time. I know during the last deployment I failed miserably on sending him stuff and I don't want to make the same mistake this time.
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smiley Doing good, especially with the stuff you send him. He is alone. Well, he has his military associates, so that means he is not alone because his bond with them is important. But he is alone. He is not talking to OW. And that means he is not going to get his infatuation fix. This means that he will think about her less and less and you and the family more and more. Remember the post I made about the quite times at night during combat? He will look forward to what he is getting from you. He will anticipate. Reward him. It is like Pavlov's dog. He will salivate at mail call. Been waiting to tell you that Larry
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What do I do with all of my questions? I have so much that i want to know but...then again do I really want to know?
should I ask him? Or just let it go?
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I think that for now, you should continue meeting ENs. There will be time for questions later You're doing so well!
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Write your questions down. Save them for later.
You'll almost certainly find that the urgent, burning, pressing, relentless questions of today become insignificant. You'll also find that several of them are really just different ways of asking the same thing.
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You guys are right...he's not completely on board as far as being with me still and if I start now on the questions that would just push him away..right?
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Yes.
You ask no questions and do not initiate "relationship" discussions..but be open to responding when he initiates it. Even then, keep your answers short and focused on the desire to save the marriage + preserve the family. Most of all work on ENs...In the past 2 days, some people have come up with awesome ideas on how to do that during a deployment over in the Military Room.
And I believe that turtlehead is right. Try what he / she suggested and write your questions down...
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FTR, Turtlehead is a she.  Smileygirl- I agree with what Chris is saying about how to answer. I think you should read up on the reverse babble threads and get some pockets responses to pull out that will throw him for a loop. I know one response that I was told to say was, "I believe in a M with only 2 people, want a cookie?" This was in response to a few things but mainly when WH would "suggest" that I was having an A.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You guys are right...he's not completely on board as far as being with me still and if I start now on the questions that would just push him away..right?
PRECISELY!!This is not the time to start drilling him. This is the time to attract him back into the M. Personally I think you should wait on the questions until he is home and you guys are working things out via the Harley methods together. The questions are going to be a huge drain for him. You want to ask them when you can offset their "negativity" with some awesome EN-meeting.
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FTR, Turtlehead is a she. Why Dahling, thank you for noticing!  You got excellent advice regarding "No relationship talk during Plan A". If he brings it up, answer politely but lightly and change the subject. Relationship talk is for recovery.
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FTR, Turtlehead is a she. Thanks. Smileygirl- I agree with what Chris is saying about how to answer. I think you should read up on the reverse babble threads and get some pockets responses to pull out that will throw him for a loop. I know one response that I was told to say was, "I believe in a M with only 2 people, want a cookie?" This was in response to a few things but mainly when WH would "suggest" that I was having an A. I am SO going to read the "reverse babble" threads. Want a cookie? LMAO!
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smiley,
You might want to write down all of your questions now. When he returns and you start R (we hope), look at them again before you ask them. You'll find that you don't need the answers to all of them anymore, just some. This will help both of you when the time comes.
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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I've used the "want a cookie". It really threw WW off her tracks. Still cracks me up too.
-SOL
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I am STILL laughing!
My co-workers are looking at me weird...
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I've always loved this logic... My favorite was always.. "Me too. What's for dinner..." As in: "I'm sick of living like this!" Me too. What would you like for dinner? Or: "I never wanted it to be like this." Me too. Would you like me to fix that roast for dinner or would you rather go out to eat? And: "I always trusted YOU!" Me too. I was thinking about that new Mexican place in town. Wanna try that tonight. I guess I was focused on food so much because in the early days the only time I ate was when we were eating together... Dropped 20+ pounds... Slept about 8 hours per WEEK. I knew she wasn't talking to him while we were eating... I agree. Want a cookie? ![[Linked Image from cool-smileys.com]](http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/129.gif)
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Lol great stuff guys. I can't exactly use your examples by bringing up food just yet but I can try.
I'm getting all anxious..he hasn't called in the last couple of days. I know he's busy... I feel like this is our first deployment all over again and I'm hanging on for every phone call.
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You can ask what he's eating, what he's been given to eat, or what's his least favorite thing to eat over there...LOL!
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Lots of good stuff in the military forum. I bragged about some of it in the posting thread.
Larry
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