((((writer))))

Just a few thoughts. First, there are things you can't control. One of them is the past - even five minutes ago. Might your son have made a bad dating choice? Yes. He's a teenager. What's done is done. Has your son had sex? Yes. I wonder how many people on this board had sex while still teenagers. If every person who had sex as a teenager is devoid of morals, most of my high school friends must be sociopaths. Your son made some mistakes. He is being punished by this girl not because she was brutally assaulted but because she has sour grapes and wounded pride from being broken up with.

I wish I knew someone who took cases like this pro-bono or that I was independently wealthy so I could help. I can pray that this girl blows it and that she is seen for what she is. The charges being dropped altogether would be a wonderful thing.

As far as UA goes, that stinks. But sometimes in crisis it really just isn't possible to do everything MB perfect. It just isn't. If my H had a stroke tomorrow and couldn't communicate, the EN of conversation just wouldn't be met in the same way until he regained his speech and coordination. Life gets in the way sometimes - it just does, at least in the imperfect world around me.

Please take care and keep us updated. From one mom to another, consider yourself hugged.

Writer, I am so sorry this is going on, and humbled that you have shared it with us. I will definitely be keeping you and your son in my prayers. I can't imagine the pain and grief your son must be feeling right now. I'll bet he now knows who his true friends are, and I hope he has a few good ones who are loving him through this, just like his family.

Writer I'm very sorry this is happening to your son & your family.

I have seen or witnessed this happening on several occasions.
Yes, technically is was stat rape but this law needs to be altered.

Yes , I know these laws are in place to protect but when it is consenual, that is totally different. Every instance needs to be looked at individually considering under what circumstances.
Before arresting a young kid & ruining his life & the rest of his HS career.

A guy I went to high school with had this happened he dated the girl for 2yrs & after they broke up,her parents found out about them having sex & filed charges against him. It was so sad & unfair.I do not even know if he ever got the legal trouble resolved to this day. I do know he was labeled as sex offender for many years.

Like you his parents racked up many $$$$$ fighting for their son.

Just a suggestion there are lawyers that take cases based on the unfairness of situations that work for pro bono or a small fee. Let your fingers do the walking & start calling & searching online for lawyers that handle these types of cases.

I realise you do not have time on your side but you have to do something to keep yourself sane !

Their has to be a silver lining in this some where !

Just remember everything happens for a reason , we may not know what at the time but there always is.

What does not kill you will only make you stronger !

Thank you everyone for the words of comfort and encouragement. I can really use them. I am reading, even if I'm not responding too much. I guess I just don't know what to say. My head is still reeling. It's been less than a week since our entire world was turned upside down and I'm still processing everything I guess.

Right now, we're going to the Wild Animal Park as a family and just walking around and looking at some beautiful butterflies and hopefully talking about anything but this. It's all we've talked about since Tuesday and honestly, I just can't think about it right now. I just want to sit under a tree and stare at a gorgeous blue sky and watch some giraffes munch on hay.

I will be back.

It isn't statutory by Utah law according to what I have read.

I do think it was good advice to let your fingers do the walking through the yellow pages. You can get a terrible attorney that way, but you can also get lucky and find a young lawyer trying to build his/her practice and who would do a great job. It costs you nothing but time to talk on the phone or even go see one for an interview and a free consultation.

If your son has the details of substance abuse, then extract those details from him and let your attorney know. He will find a way to use that as leverage if it is true and I have no reason to not believe what you son is saying.

Have you discussed a polygraph test? Has CPS been called? They have the ability in most states to do a polygraph and she is underage and so is your son. In fact, maybe CPS would be a good place to go if you can get them interested. You have information about substance abuse and child abuse. Of course they might blow you off because of the court case. But they may not if you can find a sympathetic case worker.

One more stone to overturn.

Larry

She's in California, though.

How are you today, writer?

SC: Yes, I'm in California.

I'm okay. I haven't been sleeping or eating well, but I'm hanging in there.

I keep looking at the clock, thinking how my son should be in 1st period right now, but he isn't. It's hard. I have to call the school this morning and figure out what our options are. I just want him to be able to graduate. That is my focus for the day. That and taking the baby to the doctor for her 18-month checkup.

writer,

He's being charged as a juvenile & being held in juvenile hall, not jail, right?

I know, if this is the fact, it doesn't make it any easier on you. As a mom, it kills to see you child going through such a serious problem and you feel helpless.

My suggestion, having "been there-done that"...

Quickly gather some "character reference" letters for him. Get family, friends, neighbors, church, school to write letters for him describing the type of person he is. Let the court know he has support behind him, he is NOT a troublemaker, and he is loved & admired by many & typically a good kid. Get those letters & ask the public defender if you can have them presented to the court.

And, yes, I said "public defender." Writer, don't let a court appointed public defender scare you. You are not tossing your son to the wolves or giving up on him by allowing him to be court represented.

True story-- a young man (kid) was charged with a crime. Naturally his mother was frantic. She also did not have alot of money but checked with local highly respected lawyers (free consultations) to see if it would be possible. It wasn't. With an extremely heavy heart she attended the court appearance when he was assigned the public defender. Who was he assigned? THE very lawyer she had wanted if she had had the money ($8,000)!!!!! Not all public defenders are brand new with little to no experience. Many seasoned, highly respected established attorney's sign on as court representatives too when their schedules permit. And it's OK if your defender isn't highly experienced. Sometimes the newer ones tend to try harder to win to establish their reputation. PLEASE don't kick yourself over this and put your family's future in great jeopardy. A public defender is OK, writer!! Honest!! This kid? Charges were eventually dropped due to the lawyer's perseverance and the kid ended up with no record.

Be sure to let us know what happens writer.

Hang in there!!!!

((((writer))))
Sorry your family is going through this. I hope your son is able to use this time to grow emotionally, rather than become bitter. Lots of kids make mistakes--no one was killed (right?) so most of this will be reparable. Ten years from now, he won't care about the prom, etc., even though I know he doesn't believe it now.

Yes, my son is a juvenile and being charged in juvenile court. He spent 3 days in juvenile hall and is now on home probation. He has to call a probation officer everyday and whenever we leave the house and tell them where he's going. He has to be in my presence every minute of the day, or in the presence of another adult approved by the probation officer. We haven't figured out how to get anyone else approved yet. You only get a machine when you call and they aren't too good about returning calls.

Our experience with the public defender hasn't been great so far. I liked her when we first met her, but she didn't do much when we got to court. She hardly said anything. She didn't even fight it when the judge decided my son wouldn't be allowed to finish out his last two months at the high school. She never said anything at all really. She's very young and probably not terribly experienced.

We will only be able to hire a private attorney if my son's bio father pays for it. He's supposed to be wiring the money to the attorney today, but of course, he isn't returning our calls again, so who knows what's going on. He disappeared for 15 years after he was ordered to pay child support, right after the first payment was taken from his paycheck. My son has only seen him twice in the past two years. I don't feel too bad about making him pay for this, since he owes me for 18 years of back child support, which I know I'll never see. Of course, getting him to do anything he says he'll do is like pulling teeth.

I know your senior year isn't that big of deal in the long run, but high school was my son's entire life right now, and the entire thing was just ripped out from under him. It's very hard for him right now, and no I don't like to see my kids suffer, especially when he didn't do what he is accused of doing. Yes, he made some stupid mistakes, like any kid, but my son is NOT a rapist. That much I know. I've lived with this kid for almost 18 years. He's a good kid. Even the attorney we spoke to and the public defender do not think the case will ever go to trial. There are way too many holes in the girl's story and absolutely no evidence. But that's not stopping her from ruining his last few months of school.

Writer


You do understand you can make his bio father's life a living hell over back child support if you want to, right? It isn't like it used to be. He won't be able to get a driver's license if you want to really go after him. You can always offer to settle his back cs if he pays for a lawyer now.

Larry

Again, unless you think that your son is not telling the truth, CPS may be an angle you want to try. They can give polygraphs on a whim. And they actually have more real authority than just about anyone else in the real world. It bothers me what you said about drugs and abuse.

Larry

Larry, I have no reason to think that my son is lying. He's never lied before. I'm just biding my time right now. I want to speak to our attorney before I do anything regarding the info my son has given me about this girl's family. I want to make sure I handle this the right way.

As far as back child support goes, I have thought about it. But my son is only about a month away from turning 18, so I would have to do it before then. At least, that's how it was explained to me. I have a support order against him somewhere, but he disappeared for 15 years, and the DA closed the case some years ago when they were unable to locate him. Turns out, he was living in Mexico. I only have a cell phone number for him now, and it's still unclear if he lives in Mexico or Texas or possibly both. I actually called the child support offices last week, but I could only get a machine, and I couldn't get anywhere with the machine unless I had a case number, which I don't anymore. I finally got a line that seemed to be leading to a live person, and then was told the line was too busy and I'd have to try back later before it hung up on me. Ugh!

I am really becoming quite jaded against the American judicial system very fast.

I have to believe you've already googled "California" plus "Age of Consent"

Here's wikipedia:





Subsection (c) is the scary one. When is the young lady's birthday. I believe you said she's already 16 and your son has yet to turn 18, thus, they are less than 3 years in age difference and Subsection (c) doesn't apply. Subsection (a) applies...by making it illegal for him (and the girlfriend) to have sex at all...but you have to read down to figure out where to classify such "act".

Which leaves Subsection (b) as the only applicable subsection. A misdemeanor. A misdemeanor shouldn't require a sex offender registry nor should it involve jail time. Since it appears the only applicable subsection...I doubt it will ever even go to trial. Not to mention, in lieu of a trial, many counties have diversion programs which allow "defendents" to avoid prosecution by staying out of trouble (i.e. Probation) and doing some required work (counselling, community service, etc.). Their records will become "clean" once completed ("minors" records are usually sealled anyway but at least he'll never have to disclose it even on say, a law school application as the diversion program is as though it was never prosecuted at all). In fact...by the subsections terms the X-girlfriend could be charged with the same misdemeanor. My feeling is the judge is being hard on him right now (not allowing him to finish out the high school year) because, in the end, the fear of prosecution and missing out on school will end up being the only punishment he gets.

That is...as long as there isn't a THREE year PLUS age difference between the two of them. If there is a 3+ year age difference he COULD BE prosecuted for a felony and/or a misdemeanor. There are also fines involved with money going to a teenage pregnancy information fund. Again...diversion programs may exist.

Mr. Wondering

Mr Wondering, I have the feeling her son is accused of way more than two minors having consentual sex. The young girl is probably accusing him of forcing her to have sex with him.

If it was just a case of two minors having sex, then they WOULD BOTH get misdemenors for what they did.

But it is not simply that.

Also, the boy would not be under house arrest for simply having agreed upon sex with the girl.

It has to be much worse than that, what this girl is accusing Writer's son of doing.

He has been charged with one count of rape by force and one count of oral copulation by force.

The girl waited 3 months to file charges. During that 3 months, they spoke on the phone over 200 times. Some were him calling her and some were her calling him. Many of the calls lasted over an hour. During this time, my son repeatedly told her that he didn't want anything to do with her and she repeatedly tried to convince him to take her back.

She filed the charges about a week after my son started dating someone else, after calling this girl and badmouthing my son to her repeatedly.

There is no physical evidence because she did not go to the doctor and there were no witnesses.

My son has talked to a few mutual friends and has been told this girl has admitted to at least one person that she was filing these charges just to make his life miserable. Of course, the person she told was her best friend, who is very much on her side, so not likely to help our case.

That friend needs to be subpoenaed and have the fear of perjury put on her butt.

W1:

Sorry to hear about all this.

Don't be afraid to ask for a different public defender...

LG

Sometimes it works. XH wasn't paying. Letter to the local CS office in his county through the CS office in this state and about three months later, the money flowed like the river. It was that or he lost his driver's license, hunting license, etc. The lady in the county CS office in his state is a serious pit bull.

Talk to your Lawyer about CPS. CPS can give lie detector tests in most states on a whim. Yea, not allowed in court, but as a practical matter, most of the time a DA will see a negative one and dismiss the case immediately.

And I agree with a deposition for "Best friend." It is amazing how fast one will sell out when they get in an intimidating atmosphere with an Attorney asking questions. If she is a minor, might not be able to force her to testify depending on the state you live in.

There are people advertising on the Internet who can supposedly tell you where a cell phone is located. I understand the technology and it is possible.

Just out of curiosity, ask the Lawyer if CPS gets involved in the case anyway because she is a minor. I dunno if she can be forced to get on the stand or not. The case load for a public defender in most offices is at the point of insanity. So you have to be very determined to do what you can to get the lawyer on your side so they will go the extra mile to take care of your son's situation.

Larry

Writer, I cannot do anything but support the advice of MrW, Larry and the others who know about the Law.

Getting the character references and even mailing them to the judge who will hear the case along with the district ATTy might be a good Idea also.

What CW said about getting your sons new GF to testify or seek CPS for help against this attack might help too. Call the Gov office.

I bet I know how your son is. He is generally quiet and kind? He got hooked up with this girl probably because of that trait. If her family are addicts they know first hand how to manipulate and they will do everything out of selfishness.

Get some info on the family also. I bet they have been in trouble before. Do you have any freinds who can help you do these things while you are hurting so bad?

IMO and it seems MrW who I believe is a lawyer it seems to me that if you get enough evidence o your sons good character and enough of her familys bad and get it in front of the DA and Judge this case may never go to court.

Again CPS is very powerful and could expose her whole family for who they are. Start the process for a new PD even if you plan on hiring another lawyer. Any messages that the court hears or see that show that you are going to fight this will cause them to look into details more sharply. You want that if you can prove the character of the girl and her family can be shown.

Even if your son has allready admitted to the court that he had sex with her if you can prove it was consentual and that she was only calling it rape after he broke up with her, (like the new GF testimony).

Or CPS blowing the door off there drug addictions and causing the parents to get in trouble because of what there daughter did(which will cause great problems with those ppl and divide her family).

Again get a freind or someone in the church to help you by spending time with you and making calls with you.

Tell your Son not to stop being a kind kid and you guys hang tight. This too shall pass.

Praying this will draw you all closer together and I hope your H will go to counselling with you and son so you can work through this without LBs