They couldn't be any higher maintenance than my Cockers! They could not bear to be away from me. In fact, Honey actually developed skin lesions when being boarded when we went on trips. Lacey didn't get the skin lesions, even though they stayed in the same pen together. Nothing ever tested positive for anything, so the vet finally suggested that it was probably "separation anxiety". After that, he would get a tranquilizer every day that he was boarded, and that took care of the problem.

If I took a bath, he and Lacey would lie outside the bathroom door, with their paws up under the door, until I came out. They were constantly by my side, and I was glad of it.

If it wasn't for the massive hair shedding that Cockers do, I would love to have another one. My search for a non-shedding dog is out of consideration for my husband, especially since my arthritis means that I am not presently able to do much in the way of chasing dog hair around the floors.

It CAN be frustrating to spend a morning vacumning, moving furniture, dusting, and wet mopping all the floors...only to collapse in a heap on the sofa and watch as yet another hair ball rolls on by!

So, I'll be lucky if I can get my H to agree to another house dog; but, since he has to do the floors these days, I want as little shedding as possible. I can handle the accidents until I get the new puppy housebroken.

This is a synopsis of my story Pre-MB and I hope that some newbies will see something that might help them. It also helps me to see how far I have come. Wow it has been a bumpy ride. Some people may not agree with what I did, but bear in mind, I didn't know what I was doing. Now that I know better, I do better.

October/07 WH was acting a little "off." I got jealous about a female friend who found him on Facebook. She was a friend from his past. She found him. He had been acting weird so I accused him of havig an affair with her.

November 5/07 I found an email from WH to his work saying that he was not going to be going to work that day because he was sick. I found it and asked him about it. He said it was a joke. I believed him.

On November 9/07 119pm I got a phone call from WORKPLACE. I thought it was WH but it wasn't. It was a girl telling me that WH was making a fool out of me at work and that he was spending all of his time with a girl named POSOW. That he was leaving work early to be with her. All I could say in response was, "Okay." I hung up the phone and was in TOTAL shock. I called WH's cell phone until he called me back. He came home early and we were talking the whole time he was driving. He said that POSOW was just a friend and that the girl who called me was an old friend of hers that was just jealous that he was now friends with POSOW. We talked all weekend and he emailed POSOW because he wanted to warn her about what was being said. She was open and emailed me and even added me as a friend on Facebook. WH didn't want us to meet however. When I asked him about this he would respond with the fact that he wanted a friend of his own. He didn't feel like he had that. He went to work Monday, and told me what happened. Mainly that he confronted who had told and he told his HR dept. They were going to take steps to prevent this from happening in the future. What I mean by "this" is the exposing to the employee's family about an affair. There is now a confidentiality agreement which all of the employees have to sign which says that they can not discuss things that happen in their office. Well, That was the OPPOSITE of what should have happened. ARGH. Hampered my EXPOSURE efforts at their workplace. Doesn't matter because they apparently "flaunted" their affair at their workplace anyways.

Nov 9/07 to Jan 24/08. I had the "gut feeling" I would snoop and snoop and snoop. Checking phone calls etc. There was one from POSOW to WH. I then saw one from WH to POSOW. They said that they were just concerned for the other person because there was a bad snow storm and they wanted to make sure they got home okay. I was angry and called POSOW. She said that they were just friends and that he wasn't her type. She even told me what her type was so I could compare.

Jan25/08 I took the boys sledding. I had a gut feeling to check under the drivers seat of the car. I found an open box of condoms. I counted them and I thought there was only 11. I called WH and got VERY angry. WH got mad and said he was leaving. I thought he meant he was leaving ME, so I rushed home and he was there. WH said he just meant he was going to go to the store and wasn't continuing this argument. POSOW meant NOTHING and that I mean everything. He would NEVER leave me.

Mar 23/08 I got that feeling again. I decided to check the cell phone PAYG balance obsessively. I didn't understand why.

Mar 30/08 WH was going out to play pool. I asked him not to go. I told him I was feeling sick and wanted him to stay home with me. He went out. I checked the cell usage and found out that he was charged for a one minute phone call. I INSTANTLY knew where he was headed. I got BIL's gf to drive me to the pool halls he would be at. No car. Then I got her to drive me to POSOW's Apt. We pulled in the parking lot of her co-op and I saw our car. I barely let the truck stop before I was out the door. I started calling WH. This is the first time I met POSOW. WH said on HER cell phone(he wouldn't answer his so I called HERS and said, "Can I speak to my HUSBAND please?") that he was there to help her with a problem with her bf. I said, "Yea her problem with her boyfriend is that he is married to ME." Let's just say that night I was full of rage. He came home with me. We talked about it and he made me guarantees again that I was his world. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

May/08 I found out he was calling POSOW secretly. I broke the cell phone. We got new ones. He "promised" he would only talk to her at work about work things(Hey, I know this was BEFORE MB). I wasn't happy with it but what could I do? (No MelodyLane, I know NOW what I had to do, I meant then. I didn't have a clue).

Jul/08-Mar 09- I had funny feelings and WH treated me with disdain. I didn't know what to do. I tried what I could to make myself better and learn. I believed WH that I was being extremely jealous and insecure and I was actually trying to change that HAHAHAHAHA.

Mar/09- I decided to check online cell records(why oh why did I wait?) I found calls from Jul/08 until that day. I called WH and he came home. I told him I needed to talk to POSOW. I called her and left 3 messages and a facebook message saying that I needed to talk to her and she was going to make it easy on herself or I would go to WORKPLACE and confront her there. She agreed to meet me. She had a friend with her. I asked if she was afraid for her personal safety because I would NOT go to jail for HER. Then I talked to her for 1.5 hours. First she was RUDE and condescending. At one point she said, "Do you see any calls from ME to HIM? Whose fault was it then?" I said, "You answered the phone." She said, "WH loves the boys." Then she added, "Well, he loves you too I am sure." She said, "If I won the lottery, I would give you money." I said, "I don't need you money, what I need is for you to stay away from my HUSBAND." She was texting people while we were talking and I found it disrespectful If only I knew than what I know now.

Mar 13/09 I go away for a night to figure out what I wanted in life. I intended on sleeping in my car. I drove around crying, yelling and writing. I realized that I didn't need my WH. I found my STRENGTH. My WH called me 20 times and then my cell phone was dying. He begged me to come home. I did. We talked and I told him that he could not be friends with her anymore. He had to move his seat and not speak to her every again. He agreed. That lasted 3 days.(I found out in May/09)

May/09 I found out that WH was still talking to POSOW outside of work. My Mom saw him walking with her. I confronted and he said, "Yes I am still friends with her and I don't plan on stopping."

Aug 4-6/09 we went to a friend's cottage for a family reunion(IM'sFamily). WH acted withdrawn. Sometimes he was normal, and then he was cruel. We witnessed the IM's older son flirting with someone who was NOT his wife. WH said he felt uncomfortable witnessing that. I mistakenly took it to mean WH WASN'T having an A. HOW CRAZY WAS I?

Sep 20/09(our 12th anniversary) I was told ILYBNILWY.
The next few weeks I tried to "educate" WH on what life would be like if he left. Some things got through but not much. It only made him mad and tell me that he was NOT like everyone else. HAHAHAHAHA

May/09-Oct30/09 I tried to research whatever I could on affairs. I didn't know what I was doing. I found some websites and I didn't agree with them.

On Oct30/09, I found MB. My journey on this thread began here. My prayers were answered. I am THANKFUL for this site and all of the people who have helped me get to this point.

Thanx Pep. It was actually hard to write it looking back and seeing all the signs. I knew it, but I didn't. Not until I came here. I am grateful and I just wanted to give back. I want the BS's that I help to understand that I UNDERSTAND because I have been there. I am hopeful that this is a successful M story in the end, but I KNOW it will be a successful RECOVERY story since I am better off. Heck, I am better of now than I was when I got here.

.......of course she didn't.....theirs is "speshul".....

Good job on the loan........way to educate without educating.....

Shear Genius.




Scot. Thanks for the back story. I knew you had a long struggle prior to MB. But this illustration makes your story all the more compelling. New folks could learn a lot from you. I certainly have.

~opt

Thanks for sharing that. It is very sad, but inspiring at the same time. Please continue to help others on here. We all need your experience and strength.

And on a lighter note....

I vote for an American Bulldog pup. Great dogs (if you can get past the flatulence issue) with a good temperament. Plus they just look cool.

Scotty,

Thank you for the story about how you got here. It is very similar to mine except that I did know Marriage Builders existed. I wasn't smart enough to be on here enough for it to help me as much as it could have.

Plus my WH had an EA back in 2001. I don't think we ever recovered from that (at least not the way we should have). We had no protection in place to prevent an A from ever happening again. I settled and I never should have done that. I thought I was doing the right thing for my children, when in reality, I was sucked in by WH's BS. He was strong enough to end the EA at the time because he did still love me, but he wasn't strong enough to change himself and protect our marriage. I was clueless.

Live and learn the hard way for me.

On the puppy front, I have never had a little dog, but my girlfriend has a long haired dachshund. She is so cute! She was a rescue dog. She is great with kids and not extremely needy. I, on the other, have a chocolate lab. Wonderful dog! She is the best thing that has happened to our family in the last 2 years. Very easy to housebreak, train and could not be better with my girls. They do shed, but little hairs everywhere, not big clumps. We had a collie/irish setter mix, a wired hair terrier and a beagle mix when I was growing up. All were wonderful dogs (beagles bark a lot, though).

Wow, you were at this for a very long time.

I think it was the "UMMMMM" part of scottys post that drew me to think she was outgoing and honest at first.

You have been an inspiration to me Scotty and because you have stood for what is valuable in our relationships you have helped everyone who has read your thread.

After reading 07 as the year this started to infect your hubby I understand a little more of why he hasn't come to his senses yet and come home to such an awesome wife as you.

It will only be his selfish pride that blinds him to the fact that he belongs home and I hope his eyes get opened soon so you guys can start the next stage of recovery. But it is inspiring to see that you have not lost sight of what is valueable and the struggles that are required to maintain it.

VENT VENT VENT.

So, my sister's eldest daughter's birthday is on Sunday. I asked my sister what we are doing for her birthday. She says, "Oh I thought you guys would just come over here." I said, "But the boys will be with WH until 630." She says, "Just tell him to drop them off at my house at 5." I said, "I will ask IM's to message but it's his only day with them this week so he will probably say no." I did it anyways. WH wrote back and said, "I will drop boys off at SIL's but at 630pm." Well, that isn't much of a surprise and I am sure glad that I am in a dark Plan B with IMs because I don't think it would have been pretty otherwise. I called my sister and told her that the kids would be there at 630pm. She was MAD. She said, "Well when the boys get here I am going to say, "It's too bad you missed the party since you were with Daddy."" I said, "You won't say that to them. That is RUDE. Maybe we will just forgo the party altogether and just stay home." She said, "Fine." and I hung up. I mean seriously? What does she think? The world revolves around HER? Sorry but I am ANGRY that she would say this to my kids. It would be more hurtful to make them feel guilty about missing their cousins party to spend the 9.5 hours in a week to be with their father. UNBELIEVABLE.

Scottie, totally understood.

If she doesn't back off of her stance big-time, I wouldn't go. The LAST thing you need is for her to take out her frustration on your boys.

That woman needs to pull her head out. You're right. Unbelievable.....

TB

Sorry that your sis is being in idiot Scottie! That is ridiculous!! She needs to realize that the family has changed and that means people have to adapt to the new reality. I hate waywards but at the same time, I don't blame your WH one bit for not giving up any of his time with the kids.

Your sis needs a reality check.....

Is this one of the storybook characters from affairland scotty? I mean if so and your stand that you are taking offends them, well maybe they are trying to blame you. Don't worry , if thats the case, you are acting in a much more healthy manner for your kids than they would.


I remember when my wife had fell off the wagon and started hiding drug abuse from me in that "other state" we had moved to. She started spinning tales of me being abusive,(I scared her and she was intimidated ), because I didn't like her drinking again and her brother came over to confront me. He said. "If you ever touch my sister I will make you wish you were never born" I said "You are a good brother and thank you for coming to me man to man, but she is saying that as an excuse to drink so you don't have to worry about it" Deep down he knew it was true but because he had drinking issues himself he had a hard time getting on my side. He did stop bringing sixpacks over during the day to "Chew the fat".

Birds of a feather flock together and you won't get a lot of support from ppl who will compromise whats right especially because they will be using the "confusing the kids" angle to justify why they can be mad at you instead of sticking up for you.


Sorry you have to bear it but know we understand and are behind you Scotty.

Nope. My sister was the BS. She is mad that I tell her that the reason she is having problems with her current BF is because he D was final last May and she started "dating" her bf when she was still M(August BEFORE D FINAL).

She is very angry at my WH for having an A but she isn't surprised. She sees the worst in people. She is MAD at my WH because it is ruing her daughter's bday. It is possible that she would come on here and read what I wrote so that's all I will say.

Well I'll say it then - she's a tad bit wayward in her thinking - "entitled" to have your children at her birthday party at THEIR expense.

Is she only their age or something?

So there it is Scotty, You don't know really what transpired between her and her H and she wasn't as dedicated to the marriage as you are.

Don't be surprised as you express this amazing depth of love and forgivness in your actions that many are really jealous of who you are.

Reminds me of the scripture.

"Do not cast pearls before swine, for they will turn upon you and devour you"

Those who do not value what you do will react instaed of act.

Your a rockstar remember that.

Right ROCKSTAR

almost forgot. HAHAHAHA

I actually don't think that I am but it is okay that others do. HEHEHEHE

Ah but that would be great for her to come here. This is a place of healing although we all must be willing to admit we make mistakes and forgive ourselves as we forgive others.

The truth hurts sometimes but I can count on God to not lie to me. Along with promising me he loved me more than anyone else he also promised me I would make mistakes and need his guidance.


Life is for learning huh? But I don't have to tell you that Scotty

You ARE a rockstar, Scotty!

You know what surprises me sometimes? That some of my friends don't bash me when I casually mention the possibility of reconciliation with WH. I guess those are my real friends, because they really seem to understand and support me no matter which way I seem to lean.

Do what is best for you and your kids, Scotty, no matter what ANYONE else says!