Thanx AM. Almost everyone I know says that they wouldn't take their H or W back after an affair. Well, I know that is what they believe. A few of my friends have actually said that they can't say one way or the other. I am strong in my convictions and I let them know that telling me to cut bait and walk is not the advice I need. If they have any advice to offer me on how to get through a tough day of Plan B, I welcome that.

In all fairness, my sister did TRY to take her WH back. She just didn't know how to make it happen. They worked together(all 4 of them and my sister's current bf). There was never any NC(there is NOW). Her WH moved out to BC, left his family, kids and his job to be with POSOW. 6 months later, he moved back to Niagara. By then my sister had started dating. Her XH actually told her that he would have come back had she not been dating. He is an alcoholic too, so there were other things to deal with.

My sister is mad at my WH and just doesn't seem to be able to see other people's POV. You see with me, I often don't create problems where there isn't one. If my kids aren't mad about missing part of their cousins party to spend their time with my WH, why would I create one? I told my bf(bestfriend) that if my sister wanted to contact my WH herself and tell him that she is disappointed, I wouldn't care. It's the fact that she would somehow use my kids to get her point across.

I don't want my boys to be hurt by the fact that they would miss a party. They can still be a part of the celebrations, just not from the beginning and that is okay. The more important relationship that they have is the one with WH. ARGH.

Well I understood that completly from the start Scotty. about the time thing. She must have been having a touchy day or something?


If I had found MB like..what...15 years ago? What a difference it would have made for my marriage. But even though shes gone home, who my wife was would have wanted me to be here and learn, and heal,and take the wisdom in for the sake of our children.

I hope your sis feels better scotty and you 2

Well, I went to my Sister's house for my nieces bday party. Funny thing is, I got there at 549pm and my kiddos where already there. I told my Mom that would happen. See, my sister has a small house and I knew that WH would try to come early, probably around the time I would be getting there. My sister told me that WH was there at 540pm. WH called DS9 this morning to make sure that DSx2 were still going with him today.

So on the Mom front. My Grandma called. She was talking to my Mom. My Mom speaks serbian to my grandma. I can't speak it, but I understand it. My Mom felt like she could openly discuss her sitch. She was talking about POSOM. She said that now he doesn't like me. HEHEHEHEHE I said, "That's good." She also said that it sucks living with POSOM because she feels like he has been keeping her away from her own family. He even put me down. He said I am a hypocrite, because I say I don't like him but I accept presents. My Mom says that she told him, "The presents are only accepted because they are from me not you." I agreed.

She got off of the phone with my grandma. She asked me about her POSOM and what the big deal is with me going around and why I don't like him. I said, "How do you feel about WH's POSOW? How comfortable would you be if he came to your house and introduced you to POSOW?" She said," How is that the same thing, YOU are my family not WH?" I said, "Mom, POSOM hurt MY DAD. GET IT? POSOM hurt me because he hurt my Dad by having an affair with YOU." Well, no response.

Well, I will admit to one thing today. I SUCK. I looked through the window. I know I suck. I miss him so much. It helped me be a little mad though. It wasn't worth it. WH of course didn't know so I only hurt myself. I need to keep strong.

Scot- I don't think you suck. I think you did a great job of telling your mom why you don't like POSOM. Not surprised you got no response. I bet she is thinking differently about it now though.

I think it is only natural to miss him. You are strong and you will continue to get stronger.

Scottie because I know you DO NOT suck I had to laugh when you said it--twice. I know you are just being honest about how lonely you feel and internlaizing the rejection.( Now my SPELLING SUCKS!)

Its plan B stuff I am sure.


We , the girl-crew, you, need to find a positive distraction for you that will build up your self-love-bank. Some indulgence like going to a spa or something like that. Something that makes you all fuzzy or whatever girls call it.

Please don't underestimate how "affairland" can wear you down. But I am so proud to here you speak-a-da-truth. with your Mom and Family. Support yourself first and worry about your happiness ok? They can start thier own threads...

Spoil yourself a little scotty you deserve it

I'll be okay. I know I will. It just sucks sometimes. As far as the spa thing, well for some girls that would be okay. I am not a girly girl. I am going to figure out something. I am just having a down day on this rollercoaster and I know that there will be an up.

Pep-Thanx for the hug. Just seeing that and what you quoted made me cry. Which really is okay. I will get through this. My Dad keeps saying, "This too shall pass." I keep hearing it in his voice too.

I think it has been all of the focusing on my own story that threw me. Also, this is the first Bday card written where I just wrote our 3 names on it and not WH. Knowing that he is missing and may never come back is just so sad. I too have moments where I wish he would just come home. Some more soul searching and healing is definitely in order. I will be FINE.

(((((Scotty)))))

You most definitely DO NOT suck! I, for one, totally admire you. You are a wonderful mother and a great person, who has tremendous strength.

I think it is great that you were able to tell your mom what you have been telling her. She is very wayward and you are doing great standing up to her. It is very odd how waywards can see themselves in others, judge the others, but somehow, they don't associate that with themselves. I really think you may be making a huge impact on her and you may wind up helping save your parents' marriage.

Remember, affairland is likely not what WH thought it would be. He isn't ready to admit that yet, but don't give up yet.

And don't be harsh on yourself for missing him. Remember, you aren't missing WH, you are missing H. You love him and you trusted him. You didn't deserve to be cheated on and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself for still being willing to save your marriage and family. You are so much stronger than most people. Remember that - you are a beacon, a lighthouse. Lighthouses take a lot from the waves around them, but they remain standing there, ever watchful and ready to help save those lost out in the darkness.

Feel good about you - your friends here do, your sons do, and God loves you very much. He doesn't make junk.

Scotty, you soooo don't suck! You are a strong, awesome, capable young woman and a terrific, W, mother and daughter. I so admire you for your strenghth and fortitude in the last few months.

My DH went NC as soon as I confronted him and his A and our R were still more painful than anything I had ever imagine. I am not sure that I could have done what you have done.

I agree, do something nice for yourself. I am also not a "girly girl" but there is nothing that I like better or that rejuvinates me more than a massage.

God's Blessings,

Say

LOL, Pep. Maybe so but it never hurts to here it.

God's Blessings,

say

You are right that I know that as a person, I don't suck. I felt like I was having feelings about missing him that made me SUCK yesterday. I felt like if I had been stronger and NOT looked at him, I wouldn't have felt like that yesterday. I wouldn't have missed him so much.

Say-You are right, I don't miss WH, I miss H. I miss the person he used to be, not the person he has been for the past 2 years or so. I am not wallowing in self pity, but I did feel pretty "sucky" yesterday.

AM-Thank you for your post. It meant a lot.

I woke up this morning and didn't feel like doing anything. I went for my 1.5 mile walk with my friends anyways and it made me feel better. I was listening to really LOUD music while I was walking. I think it helped. Family games night tonight. Probably more YAHTZEE (DS9 LOVES it). I am feeling OKAY today. Thanx.

Lol yeah scotty I was thinking of you punching WH in the arm as you said "I suck huh?" "let me show you,,,," cuz when you said that you meant "this" sucks and how i "feel" sucks.

Thats why I laughed.

Was I close?

Yeppers. Besides you made me giggle. Thanx.

If you're not into the girlie pedi, you could always visit the "Dr. Fish Cafe" for a "different" kind of pedi ....

Dr. Fish Cafe

Yup, baby piranhas.

I saw that on TV once. I am REALLY ticklish. I mean REALLY. Did I say REALLY? DS9 will tickle my feet when we are play fighting and I have to warn him that I may kick him.

Feeling better now that I was out in the SUNSHINE. Even wore my sandals for the first time this year. Have to re-do my nail polish though, it is chipping.

WH's birthday is on Saturday. I am glad I am working. I will be keeping busy. It's gonna feel sucky but as always, I will get through it.

All I can say is "EEEeeewwwwww!!!!!!"