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Ok, I hear what you're saying...but, I really don't think so. It all boils down to our religion and they are both afraid of the consequences if they continue the affair. He really doesn't think that I will change (?!) and I'm not sure he will ever meet my needs.
Assuming the affair is over (I know) how do we meet each others needs living apart. Basically I am probably doing plan B and not being the first to contact him. I will talk if he calls, but I try not to instigate any contact. We are both becoming comfortable living apart and this has me worried.
I was doing plan A from Jan. to Feb 14 when I thought that the affair was over. Now I'm just angry and hurt that he didn't get out when he was first discovered. We are definately at opposite ends of the scale when it comes to compatability. Here's another voice from the choir - the A is not over. It just relocated. Affairees are not afraid of religion. They sure weren't afraid when they started it, right?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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NotMe2, let me give you an example of how completely incomprehensible the wayward mind can be.
Recently, my stbxww sent an email to my attorney. In it, she mentioned how "uncomfortable" she was communicating with my designated intermediary, even though the IM was someone I had personally selected.
In my response to her (via the attorney), I replied that I found her perspective mind-boggling, that "she did not find it uncomfortable to engage in extramarital sex with another woman's husband, but somehow found it 'uncomfortable' to communicate with my designated intermediary?"
Do you see my point? The wayward mindset is alien to us. The only way we can comprehend the incomprehensible is by first realizing that it does not follow the same rules we do.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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FWIW I think the A is still full on as well. As a side note, I thought perspicacity was illegal in Texas 
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Ok, I hear what you're saying...but, I really don't think so. It all boils down to our religion and they are both afraid of the consequences if they continue the affair. Interesting. They were not afraid of the consequences of your religion for beginning the adultery. Yet you believe they will be afraid of the consequences for continuing it. Why is this? Does your religion not have penalties for starting an adultery, only for continuing it? Are you afraid of the consequences of your religion if you leave your adulterous husband? Because if so, and if your religion is Christian, I just wanted to point out that Jesus Himself says that it is permissible to divorce a spouse for unchastity. Of course, Jesus never used weasel terms like "affair" and "cheat." When the Son of God spoke, He referred to it as adultery and fornication. Strong words for a despicable act.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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As a side note, I thought perspicacity was illegal in Texas Saying that word could get you beat up in some parts of Texas!!  That must be a yankee word for sure!  Of course, Jesus never used weasel terms like "affair" and "cheat." When the Son of God spoke, He referred to it as adultery and fornication. I love this guy!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In my response to her (via the attorney), I replied that I found her perspective mind-boggling, that "she did not find it uncomfortable to engage in extramarital sex with another woman's husband, but somehow found it 'uncomfortable' to communicate with my designated intermediary?" Has to be one of THE BEST lines I've seen on this forum. Great job, Fred!
Me: BH 60 - Married 21 years
ExW had an EA beginning 09/09 (Facebook)
After a few false recoveries, I filed for D 05/11
D final 03/12
'Be Mindful of Your Many Blessings and Endeavor Daily to be Worthy of Them'
Jay Severin
'Life is a gift and it offers each of us the privilege, the opportunity and the responsibility to give something back by becoming something more'
Tony Robbins
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Waywards are so much alike that its downright scary! Or pathetic, pitiful, distressful, disturbing, unimaginative, uninspiring, and most unimpressive..... {{{{{Notme}}}}}}}...... Mels right. This affair is so far from "over". Men are NOTORIOUS for not wanting to be alone. Especially wayward men. IF this affair was over he would be trying a bit harder to get back to you........... Unless you have access to his cell-phone bills, emails, snail mail, and any other means of communication they ARE in contact in one way or another..... I'm sorry you are here......but considering the circumstances that brought you here, you are in the best place possible..... I LOVE your name BTW......  Not2fun
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I just talked to her husband and he was with her over the weekend. She will be moving back to "work out" her marriage in a few weeks. I have been informing people of the affair and I do have the book. I'll get to work on the real plan B. In the meantime, how do I emotionally get through this?
BW - me 46
WH - 47
Married 24 years
Dday for EA- 18 Nov. 2009
Dday for PA- 7 Feb, 2010
WH Moved out 6 March 2010
Dday #2 - 20 Apr. 2010
OW moved back 20 Apr. 2010
Kids - 18, 21, 23
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I just talked to her husband and he was with her over the weekend. She will be moving back to "work out" her marriage in a few weeks. I have been informing people of the affair and I do have the book. I'll get to work on the real plan B. In the meantime, how do I emotionally get through this? OW was with her BH this weekend or with your WH? "Will be" moving back... sounds like she might be stringing her BH along. We call it cake-eating around here. That, added with the fact that your WH isn't willing to move back home adds up to the affair is still on. I'd be willing to bet there is contact happening somehow. How do you emotionally get through this? Stick with us for one thing, we'll help you. Come here and vent, cry, scream and yell. We're up for it. Have you thought about who you will use as your intermediary for Plan B? Oh, and welcome to MB, the best place to be when your life is turned upside down by adultery.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I just talked to her husband and he was with her over the weekend. She will be moving back to "work out" her marriage in a few weeks. If she was serious about "working out" her marriage, she would be HOME. She is not living at home because she is having an ACTIVE AFFAIR with your husband. If you don't believe me, hire a PI. They have just gone further underground. I have been informing people of the affair and I do have the book. I'll get to work on the real plan B. In the meantime, how do I emotionally get through this? Go into plan B.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just talked to her husband and he was with her over the weekend. She will be moving back to "work out" her marriage in a few weeks. Notme, please call him back and tell him that they are still in an affair. This is why she is not home. Don't take my word for it. If you both investigate you will find the affair is still on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She was with her husband not mine. Her husband doesn't think we should expose the affair with everyone because it would ruin her reputation!! and you think I'm wearing a blindfold!
My husband just told me that he's not sure he wants to stay with me. How can you throw 24 years away without putting forth any effort?
BW - me 46
WH - 47
Married 24 years
Dday for EA- 18 Nov. 2009
Dday for PA- 7 Feb, 2010
WH Moved out 6 March 2010
Dday #2 - 20 Apr. 2010
OW moved back 20 Apr. 2010
Kids - 18, 21, 23
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She was with her husband not mine. Her husband doesn't think we should expose the affair with everyone because it would ruin her reputation!! and you think I'm wearing a blindfold!
My husband just told me that he's not sure he wants to stay with me. How can you throw 24 years away without putting forth any effort? Is your marriage more important? or OW reputation? She already ruined her reputation, and that is not your fault. How does telling your family, your WH family, and your WH close friends ruin her reputation? Do they know her from work?
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She was with her husband not mine. Her husband doesn't think we should expose the affair with everyone because it would ruin her reputation!! and you think I'm wearing a blindfold!
My husband just told me that he's not sure he wants to stay with me. How can you throw 24 years away without putting forth any effort? He is having an affair. That is why he is not sure. Don't take my word for it, though. Just start snooping like a bloodhound. Then you can give the OWH the evidence.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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NotMe, the problem here is that both of you BS's are being gullible and allowing the affair to thrive unimpeded. Usually there is ONE BS that has some snap so it is harder for the affair to go underground. You need to be that ONE BS and drive this boat if you want to save your marriage.
The way you can do that is to start snooping like a blood hound and get the goods. Once you get the goods, then expose the affair to everyone on both sides. You can expose where the OWH is too wimpy. YOU can expose to the OW's friends and family.
This pair is so sneaky that I suspect exposure would be ruinous to their affair. They are very afraid of being exposed. You just have to be shrewder than them and catch them at their own game.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been searching for numbers to get ahold of her parents. My husband completely freaked when he looked at my phone records and told me if I contacted anyone he would NEVER come back.
He moved out three weeks ago because he couldn't stand my emotions flaring. Once again he informed me he doesn't want to be married to me.
I have read the books, I understand that the affair is probably still going on, but what's left for me? What will wake him up to all that he is giving up?
BW - me 46
WH - 47
Married 24 years
Dday for EA- 18 Nov. 2009
Dday for PA- 7 Feb, 2010
WH Moved out 6 March 2010
Dday #2 - 20 Apr. 2010
OW moved back 20 Apr. 2010
Kids - 18, 21, 23
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I really need help here. I just called him crying AGAIN. So much for plan B. I just can't believe he won't even give the marriage a try. Am going to the Dr. today for a stronger anti-depressant. All I do is cry anymore. I feel like such a loser.
BW - me 46
WH - 47
Married 24 years
Dday for EA- 18 Nov. 2009
Dday for PA- 7 Feb, 2010
WH Moved out 6 March 2010
Dday #2 - 20 Apr. 2010
OW moved back 20 Apr. 2010
Kids - 18, 21, 23
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I have been searching for numbers to get ahold of her parents. My husband completely freaked when he looked at my phone records and told me if I contacted anyone he would NEVER come back.
He is bullying you into keeping his nasty little A a secret because he knows it wouldn't look good for him and quite possibly will cause a lot of upheaval for him. Don't let him do this to you.
He moved out three weeks ago because he couldn't stand my emotions flaring. Once again he informed me he doesn't want to be married to me.
He moved out so he could continue his affair without your interference. Don't let him blame his actions on you.
I have read the books, I understand that the affair is probably still going on, but what's left for me? What will wake him up to all that he is giving up?
Having to be accountable for his actions. As long as this A is allowed to proceed undetected by the people who are important in his life, it will continue. You need to EXPOSE.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 04/15/10 10:58 AM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I really need help here. I just called him crying AGAIN. So much for plan B. I just can't believe he won't even give the marriage a try. Am going to the Dr. today for a stronger anti-depressant. All I do is cry anymore. I feel like such a loser. notme, listen. There is almost a 100% chance that never again will you have something this horrible happen to you. It's that bad. This is all still very new and traumatic to you. Do not beat yourself up, saying you feel like a loser! Take some time today to do good things for yourself. Get out of the house. Take a walk, even if you feel like you just want to curl up and cry and never see the outside world again. Don't just sit there. Promise me that you'll take a 30 minute walk today, okay?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Ok, you were ALL right! I found out today that he has a "new" cell phone and they are together. He is furious with me because I have been using all of the LB's and have not been very nice. I have been severly depressed and my med's finally kicked in yesterday and I feel quite pleasant - YAY for modern medicine!!! Ok, now I go completely into plan B? Do I tell him that i don't want to talk to him? What if this convinces him that I'm the angry crazy woman he thinks I am and it's a great excuse for him to get out? Please please respond.
BW - me 46
WH - 47
Married 24 years
Dday for EA- 18 Nov. 2009
Dday for PA- 7 Feb, 2010
WH Moved out 6 March 2010
Dday #2 - 20 Apr. 2010
OW moved back 20 Apr. 2010
Kids - 18, 21, 23
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