This is one of those times I wish MB had a chat room. On the other hand, I understand and agree with why it doesn't.

Larry

I guess everything got said that needed saying. I think I am gonna go read Dr. Harley's latest book.

And Scottie, I can relate to your religious beliefs. I attend church here in town, a different church almost every Sunday. One pastor made the comment that he knew guys just like me. I didn't ask what he meant.

Larry

I just think of us as searching. I remember being at a funeral once and the Pastor/Priest(can't remember where I was) said, "I don't like it when people say they don't believe. I prefer they say, they don't know. Because it's okay to question things, that's how we learn."

Well, there is always the fog babble approach.

"I don't believe in God."

"How would you know one way or the other, you ain't dead yet, are you?

Larry

Larry,

My own pastor turned me on to Dr Harley's stuff. He actually tried to tell me about it (and to be honest, didn't do a real good job of it.)

It was however the things he was telling me about that caused me to Google search on "Love Bank" and here I am four years later.

When I first approached him about doing a MB class at the church he was not very enthused and said we would talk about it at a future date. He seemed to have little interest until he was inundated by couples on the verge of divorce.

He seem surprised that it only took me about three days to put together a plan to teach MB to the masses. I told him I had been planning it for a long time but did have to figure out how to make it fit into 9 weeks. The original plan was only an hour per week and we ended up going about 1.5 with a couple of weeks lasting two with all the talk and questions at the end of the night.

My pastor and his wife were part of the initial class. Only my wife and I and the three couples from here that attended had any real knowledge of the materials out of the twelve couples that attended the class. Three weeks ago my pastor spoke at a Christian Life College event and used MB to illustrate his bible message, so he sees the biblical principals in it.

The most resistance to MB has come from folks who believe that only the bible holds truth. Many of them only accept the 1611 KJV as well claiming all other translations are watering down of the truth. Unless a book quotes scripture and in the translation they have memorized passages from, these people have no interest in the materials at all.

My normal reply is to ask them to read the material and show me where it is not biblically based. So far I have had no takers. The usual complaint is that it would be a waste of time since they already know it isn't biblical.

Just guessing here, but most of these people hate Townsend and Cloud and Steve Arterburn as well.

Mark

Carl Sagan never believed in God.

I wonder what he thinks now?

If MB is in fact a cult......I'd like another glass of Kool-Aid please.

In my humble opinion, this place is centered around restoring love and relationships. Isn't that what Christianity is about also?

Mark:


Great story. I extracted the above to relate something.

I am a Church goer. The type you illustrate above is a Church made up of the narrow minded. Last week, I attended a week long luncheons that had a different Church sponsor each day of the week. The largest crowd was sponsored by the Lutheran/Catholic Churches and the smallest crown by the Pentecostal/Cowboy which was the one I enjoyed the most.

See, I go to different Churches and am a member of none although long ago I was Baptized as an Irish Catholic in an order Church, which is somewhat different from one that is controlled by a Diocese. Catholics have their own internal small differences that mimic in minor ways the more marked variations you find in Protestant denominations.

Anyway, I had a conversation with the new in town Pentecostal Pastor/Preacher, whatever and told him I had never attended a Pentecostal service before but was motivated by his sermon to so do. I also said I was not a member of any Church and drew inspiration from all. And that I didn't intend to stop that practice. He gave me a look that said he was going to try anyway.

The guy was passionate, had charisma, and he obviously knew what he was talking about. Plus he had native talent. He was a serious piece of work and a stem winder of the first water, complete with the handkerchief to mop his brow as he got wound up. I contrasted this with the Catholic layman and the Church of Christ "Pulpit" Minister, both of whom could bore the socks off a donkey.

Here is where I am going with this. Willard Harley is a smart man. He is also a man with conviction and is passionate about what he knows, has devised and delivers. This passion is the underpinning of his concepts and designs as backed by a doctorate in psychology. I haven't a clue how well he is as a public speaker. Doesn't matter. His message is on point and has his strength of character and intelligence and learning all rolled into one. He doesn't have all the answers. nobody does.

What he has is the best program anywhere for codifying the art of marriage and explaining it in such a way that anyone really interested can absorb the knowledge. And that my friend, is a very good thing. Okay, so I went someplace else other than the Church of the Narrow Minded The Art of Marriage somehow jumped from my brain cell(s) and I went that way instead.

Larry

Yesterday was a great day for posting and reading. Lots of activity by those who have been here a while. Lots of rear end chewing and back patting.

LOTS of posts by those new to posting.

Even more important, several of the ones who like to be spoon fed woke up and started reading. And THAT is really good news.

Larry

the problem with reading these posts from BS is it makes my BHs pain really come home over and over. I feel like crying whenever i spend to much time in SAA. There are so many people who need help but SAA really affects me deeply. I want to hug everyone and say I am so sorry they are here...and slap the WS and tell them to stop being idiots....

Well I finally said something that made me stop and say, Uh, where did that come from?


think about it

Larry

SisterReed

Go read my thread in Other Topics about guilt. It might do you some good.

It is that you are no longer the person who did what you did. Don't even think of yourself that way. You are a different person and you need to focus on what you have done and can do to take responsibility for who you used to be.

Helping out here is redemption. Don't associate it with what you used to be, but instead, who you are now. And gain pleasure and knowledge from it. You learn by teaching.

Larry

Tons of help going on the past few days. I have hardly posted at all, no need, but I have read and read and read.

The vets have been posting and newbies have been posting and lots of people getting the help they need, and that is a good thing.

Remember, if you see a really good post, this is a thread where you can brag on someone.

Larry

Just wanna give major props to Pep... Watching what she did in Nal1979's thread... I' m in awe- just hope it wasn't wasted.

Also I know it's early in the process, but Mama and Papa look like they're finally on the right path to make some real and positive changes in their relationship. It's exciting.

It's amazing what can happen when you drop the defensive attitude and really look into yourself and ask "how do I need to change"

Vibrissa:

I cannot compliment you enough for really digging into mama and papa as you have. You are doing, simply put, a great job. You understand their situation and how they think. And you know how to express yourself so they both pay attention.

As you know, I used an old mediators trick to get her to vent her anger at me and defend papa. It worked, BUT, that meant someone else had to step in and help with the attitude adjustment and bless you, there you were.

Pep uses a different technique for challenging someone. It works or doesn't as the case may be. Sometimes I will back her up for a guy perspective and challenge the guy. I have done it before and mostly, they would rather listen to Pep than me, but by running from me, they fall into Pep's trap. And it works.

There is a lot of collaborative posting on here, with each poster taking a different slant or backing up what someone else has said (not enough of that). I am saying this to you because it looks as you have figured it out already or are ready to have it pointed out as the case may be. I was pretty dense and it took me a while to understand.

Great Job Lady!

Larry

Ha - yeah I'm starting to see that going on here - it only took me a year of reading... durrrr....

It's like a ton of good cops/ bad cops - hey whatever works. EVERYONE can have a great marriage, you just gotta show them how.

I'm just glad I decided to step out of my comfort zone and say something. M & P could have something great. It's tough though - I've been where they are and chose not to try to make it work with that partner. It was easier to walk away and start over with someone else. But it's heartening to see the progress they've made.

Funny thing too - helping others makes you examine yourself. I've looked at myself recently and thought: are there way's I'm being a renter? What can I do about that?

Vibrissa:


Which is one of THE prime reasons I nag people into posting.

How to be a buyer? Study it. Find the right person. Absolutely I don't think you can be a buyer except with the right person. And finding a guy who will be a buyer isn't as hard as women make it out to be.

1. Find a guy who isn't "Mr. Excitement."
2. Maybe a guy who reads.
3. A guy with a steady job, who keeps his house clean.
4. A guy who has been beat up a bit by women and is wary.
5. A guy who listens.
6. A guy who wants to but doesn't have to until the right time.
7. Maybe a guy from church, but not eat up with it.
8. A guy with honor and integrity even if it costs him.
9. No sociopaths, cheaters, liars, hustlers, dopers, drunks, need apply.

And last but not least, a guy who doesn't need changing. He won't let you anyway.

Larry

I agree - being a buyer is amazingly easy when your partner is a buyer too. DH is a couple things on your list.

I think the key to being a buyer is when a problem/ disagreement arises one looks within themselves to figure out how they contributed to the situation, how they need to change.

DH and I had a disagreement this weekend (I go into details on my thread). He stated his position, I stated mine. We walked away when it was obvious we were upset. After a few minutes to calm down I apologized b/c I was in the wrong - I was surprised when he apologized too.

The next morning I was going to detail where I'd gone wrong. Before I could even do that he comes to me saying he'd been thinking about where he'd gone wrong and told me what he would to do keep it from reoccurring. I told him about my insights into the situation- where I'd gone wrong. We worked out a solution together we were enthusiastic about.

It's hard to stay angry at someone who is willing to look into them selves and say - 'Where did I screw up?'. It would have been easy for him to say since I was the one who got upset and misunderstood him, the situation was MY fault and MY problem. He didn't because that is a RENTER's mentality- don't fix it if you don't have to. I was willing to accept blame, he didn't have to make any changes. But he did because he WANTED to. That's a buyer.

Only DH can change himself.

Larry:

I bumped this over "In Recovery" but I thought maybe you could get it to run here.....

OK, It's the weekend coming up, make a copy of this blank one and then fill it in and post your answers. These would be for performances in 2009-10: *** Please Add your nominations ***

Category 1 Best male poster

1.
2.
3.

Category 2 Best female poster

1.
2.
3.

Category 3 Best newcomer

1.
2.
3.

Category 4 Best thread

1
2
3

Category 5- Best single post

1
2
3

Category 6- Best male supporting member

1
2
3

Category 7- Best female supporting member

1
2
3

Category 8- Best cameo performance

1
2
3

Category 9- Best musical score

1.
2.
3.

Category 10- Best MB comedian

1.
2.
3.

Category 11-Longest Running Soap (Female)

A.
B.
C.
D.


Category 12- Best graemlin

1.
2.
3.

Category 13- Best drama

1.
2.
3.

Category 14- Best drama queen

1.
2.
3.

Category 15- Best marriage recovery!

1
2
3

Category 16- Best vent

1
2.
3.

Category 17- The lifetime award.

1
2
3

Category 18- Longest poster

1
2
3

Category 19- Best screen name

1
2
3

Category 20-Longest Running Soap (Male)

A.
B.
C.
D.

Category 21-
Most Influential Posters

A.
B.
C.

category 22-
Best WS in a Supporting role

A.
B.
C.
D.

Category 23-
Best Christian Advisor;
A.
B.
C.
D.

Category 24-
Most fun thread 2006:
A.
B.
C.

You go girl !!!



Larry