I think I will wait a bit on SF - it's definately High on his list...I need ideas on how to meet that EN from afar when he's not that into me right now. Maybe in a month, actually was hoping to "surprise" him because I want to hit the gym as soon as I am able to. I want to shed these extra pounds.

I did do some boudair shots from our last deloyment that I finally got but he didn't like them because "it didn't look like me" - he doesn't like me with too much make up.

You sneak stuff in the conversations like

"I have been so horny, I want to _______ you" you fill in the blank with whatever you are comfortable but pushing the usual limits with.

Little comments like that will go towards SF.

Even if you never talked like that before....you can practise, get into it and get better at it.

Wife to Husband. Apart due to military service.

Take it as a personal challenge to meet!

If he makes a comment about how it "isn't you"....tell him this time in the marriage has reawakened your passion for him. How you desire him more that ever.

Flirt with him.
Tell an off-color joke.
Talk about a sex toy you want to try out when he gets home.
Ask him if he'd go shopping with you for some lingerie a few months after the baby comes.
Call him your hunka hunka burnin' love.
Threaten to send him leopard print bikini briefs because he'd look so hot in them; ask him laughingly how that would go over with his squadron.
Tell him you're gonna find a pic of him and make your own pin-up poster until he gets his butt back home and you have the real thing.

FLIRT! What kind of things would you say to a guy you were dating to let him know you thought he was hot stuff?

good suggestions..something for me to think about.

Checking in....doing as much reading as I can about Plan A. It says for women it's usually 3 months, and for men it's usually 6 months.Umm I guess for me it'll a year. Also says 85% of the time Plan B needs to happen after Plan A. He's already talking about the high probablility of him going to the barracks. That's when I do Plan B? Should I wait a couple of months of him home to do Plan B?

I know I should focus on my Plan A.

I also came across the 180 plan. I have the book somewhere but I don't really remember much about it but I do know they are similar.

SG- From what I think, this is very early in the deployment, right? The time-lines are guides, not hard and fast rules. The limits are meant as a protection for the betrayed spouse since none of your needs will be met during that time.

It is very hard to go out of your way to meet the needs of your spouse and receive nothing in return. If you think you can keep it up for the whole time- do it. I would recommend to focus on the future a week at a time. There will be major adjustments when he comes home no matter what.

Yes very early in deployment - just weeks in. One week at a time...each day seems long. Okay I can do that. Thanks.

A good time for moving to Plan B is when you feel your love for him diminishing, but you still have love left. Move to Plan b while you still have love for him but not before it is all gone.
Many folks make the mistake of waiting too long.

And don't think of Plan B as a manipulation to get him to come home, it is a way to wait out the A.

There's no way for me to be sure that the A is over, is there? I can't take his word for it.

What can I do besides ask for his email passwords? I mean if I tell him I KNOW there's contact even though I have no proof and I go to Command and it turns out he isn't contacting her then what? Sorry guess I"m second guessing myself here.

I think you're just going to pretty much have to wait until he gets home. Then you can use the standard snooping methods like GPS on the car, keylogger on the computer, etc.

Do you have access to cellphone records?

Mostly you just need to focus on your Plan A right now. Your plan, and your actions, are the same whether or not there is NC. Except of course if there is contact you'd expose again and go up the chain of command. But all the rest of it - meeting ENs, avoiding LBs... that's all the same.

Sigh - yea you're right. I can't keep trying to see what he is or not doing. I feel like some people who commented about the other day that they suspect continued contact because of the things he is saying just got to me today.

Will be going to Family advocacy on Friday, as to what my counselor wants me to do. Should I go into marriage counseling? Right now I"m seeing a counselor who is here for 6 months and then moves on to another place (to keep up with confidentatiality) and she says she's here for my emotional support and that's it...

I finally got to the point I was tired of snooping and checking up on him. It seemed like I was fighting against him and it was just a game. He was pretending he wanted to work it out, but sneaking around still.

I told him I no longer needed any proof he was cheating, I would assume he was and the burden was on him to prove he WASN'T cheating.

So, you can just assume they are continuing their A, and when he makes sounds to want to come back home with you, then the burden is on him to prove he is faithful...open accounts, passwords, accountable for all his time, allow access to his cellphone and records, etc... When he no longer has anything to hide, he won't. When he still is hiding, he won't share these things with you, simple as that.

Makes life simpler for you...

Meanwhile, do what you can to do the best Plan A, and don't make any assumptions about what he is thinking or feeling...heck, he probably doesn't even know.

Brilliant!!
I don't know that I'd come right out and say I assume he's cheating (it's a DJ and WH might go off in a huff and use that as justification for filing D). But I sure like the idea of letting him know the burden is on him as far as proving the affair is over.

Hi Smiley,

Hope you are doing OK

Still is right. If you do a search on Plan B you'l find that it's designed to protect what love you have left for your spouse after doing Plan A...

Your sitch is deployment though....so it may be a little different.

WIll you consider 1 session with Dr H.?

Found proof he is STiLL in contact with her.

What's my next step?

It depends.

Question: What's the nature of the evidence?

I would wait and see what some of the more experienced members have to say...but I do know this: You keep the evidence & continue to collect any more you find.

Great. What is the evidence? Now you know the reason for his attitude.

Larry

Yes, someone guessed he was still in contact w/OW.

Smiley, was he told by Command to cease and desist?

No he has NOT YET been told by his command

Found her mom's fb page, went through it - saw a common friend whose wall is not private. saw that the OW commented happy bday and then next post WH says happy birthday too

it was his fake name.

Do you think they are actually talking on the phone or via internet?

Larry