Did you ever visit with the Chaplain to find out what the other Chaplain discussed with him, if he can tell you?????

Did you ever get the impression that his direct report has spoken with him or just the Chaplain?

Larry

I don't know Smiley...

I am thinking that having the Command get involved would have been a good thing. The money issue would been taken care of and he would offically be told to cease contact with OW.

What do you think Larry?

I am guessing they are talking on the phone.

No it's confidential. Just that if my husband does not call in a week or 2 then to go let him know.

Didn't Melody say the Command would bust them up?

I agreed with her.

Smiley- please remember the 'no expectations' part. Continue to snoop and Plan A. It was described to me something like this....

Pretend you need to cross a river to get to the other side. Every 'good' thing you are doing is like tossing a pebble in the river. At first, you see no visible signs of hope or change. After time, these small pebbles pile up on top of each other. Eventually they break the surface of the water and then you can cross the river.

It's the cumulative effort of all the small actions piling up that eventually lead to results.

Also, in the process of doing Plan A, you become a better spouse yourself. Avoid lovebusters. Meet his needs as you can. Continue snooping.

Oh yeah, re-consider notifying the chain of command.

Here's my plan so far - talking with my best friend

Next steps

1) copy General POA and send to
- open credit cards
- zales
-home depot
- furniture

Request to close all accounts

2) change cable

- let them know hubby is deployed
Change a password?
Security questions
Change it under my name


3) call JAG make appointment to see them ASAP

- ask for rights
- ask for military protection order for makes him not able to communicate with her
- show my evidence to see if I have enough to go to command
- concerned financially

4) Call Chaplain and let him know he is still in contact even though he says he is not. I have proof.

Could he please talk to his chaplain again and ask him to stop contact once again.

Also let chaplain know he took me off his bank account

concerned about financial matters

It would be nice if the Chaplains could take care of the $ and the NC, but you really should consider official notification of the Command. Your H does not fear the Chaplains. Limbo co-signed the idea...

Larry, Mel - thoughts?

He will call me in 2 days.

I will notify the chaplain and ask again to email the other chaplain. If no change then COMMAND.

he is rightfully scared his career is will go down the drain.

Fantastic plan. What does POA mean? Call me dense.

Larry

5) Call bank
Send Fax with my General POA
Ask for notifications for any withdrawals from his account to be sent to my cell phone
Ask for written statements on his account to be sent to the house

General Power of attorney

Oh, and if you have time, you might want to take a look at pregnantandhurt's thread. You might be able to get her off her duff and work instead of half working and complaining.

Larry

It's like you're keeping things quiet and helping him hide his dirt by having the Chaplains "quietly" handle things.

That is not going to work.

General answer:

An official command letter is the absolute last resort if repeated attempts to handle the situation through unofficial channels does not work. OR if the financial situation needs to be addressed to protect the family.

Official command letters are serious BUT they could be blown off by a command who is more focused on fighting than handling family matters. Escalating to a higher command is always a possibility and that to should be a last resort.

I didn't say don't do it. The research I have done, plus Chaplain's advice, indicates it is a last resort for military reasons and those always trump anything else in the military.

Hmmm. let me say this a different way. Unofficial means attracting the attention of whoever he reports to, who in turn lives in fear that an official letter will end up on command's desk. His direct report is in a position to make life even more uncomfortable for him than an official might.

In other words, unofficial exposure. But if it doesn't work, then official. That make sense?

Larry

He should be scared, but he's not scared enough to end contact. This is the stick part of plan A. Let the consequences of his adulterous actions rest on his shoulders. I would protect yourself by mentioning the financial implications to whomever you speak with.

By the way, it is not necessarily a career ender. It's definitely not a help to his career either. It's a bigger deal for officers than enlisted. I have seen both processed under UCMJ for adultery. A lot depends upon the view of the commander and more importantly, the conduct of the accused before, during and after the non-judicial punishment.

That's exactly why I am waiting to tell command...it's my trump card.

I DON"T want to go to Command. I don't want to lose out financially like I already said before but if i have to I will.

Smiley:

You go girl

And SOL, exactly right.

Larry

Do you guys agree that is evidence that he is still talking to her? That post was made yesterday.

So your WH posts happy bday right after the OW did the same to a mutual friend of the OW's mom?

In my opinion, it is far from no-contact, but I wouldn't actually consider it proof that WH and OW were directly communicating. I certainly wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't say it rises to the level of showing an ongoing relationship. I wouldn't go to the chain of command with just this bit of info. JMHO

No the post was actually made my the OW under I assume her cousins page.

first she put "happy birhtday"
a minute later she put
BJ says happy birthday too