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well, I actually thought about sending some of them to OW - so your not as twisted as you thought.
I did manage about 5-6 weeks of plan A, then it was rammed as you say down my throat and I just stopped responding or speaking at all the last 5-6 weeks I was there.
Now at least I can breathe; but your right I am second guessing the decisions I have made, especially since reading the letters.
I just wanted to remind him of how he felt and the fact he is now saying the same identical things to OW - that maybe the problem is with him.
I guess I thought it would all somehow still work out, I am still secretly hoping that. I know Pep would respond with something like "hope and wishing isn't going to save your M, you need a plan and stick to it"
I think it is best to stick with plan B. He still is texting me today, DstepD told hm that I didn't want to directly communicate with him.
Although I still think I should leave the copies of letters in the box of photos for him to find and send them to OW!
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I would send them to OW......... Ok, that was a bit twisted!!!!  Missy, don't second guess yourself. YOU know you couldn't handle trying to Plan A ESPECIALLY with the blantantly cruel WH you have.....(honestly I am not sure which is worse a WH who lies about the affair and all that entangles or the WH who crams it down your throat without a single regard...... I will say it all just pi$$es me off!!!!...  ). Plan A is not for everyone, and it doesn't mean you are not strong or beautiful or worthy. Ya know, Mel is one VERY strong capapble woman, but she is very ADAMENT that she could NOT do a Plan A if her H was to cheat. She didn't with her last H and she didn't with her current H. And there is NO SHAME in that. So TRY on to question yourself with the "what it's".... Instead, focus on YOU. What are some things you enjoy that got put to the wayside? What are some things you've always wanted to do but haven't? What are something that sound interesting that you never got to explore? Make a "Bucket" list and then start doing them.....brainstorm without abandon!!! Also, fill up your time...... Nothing is more depressing than sitting around doing NOTHING...... Do some volunteer work. Maybe spend time with elderly.....Become a Big Sister...... Work some weekends at an Emergency Childs shelter.....OR..... Do some work at a Animal Shelter. You could organize a donation drive for them. Set up a booth at a local store seeking donations for pet supplies, food, old towlez and blankets...... Just stay ACTIVE!!!!!! I'll be praying for you.....love ya bunches.....Not2fun Thanks for the support Not2fun, it is much appreciated
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I just wanted to remind him of how he felt and the fact he is now saying the same identical things to OW - that maybe the problem is with him.
I guess I thought it would all somehow still work out, I am still secretly hoping that. I know Pep would respond with something like "hope and wishing isn't going to save your M, you need a plan and stick to it"
I think it is best to stick with plan B. He still is texting me today, DstepD told hm that I didn't want to directly communicate with him.
Although I still think I should leave the copies of letters in the box of photos for him to find and send them to OW! MM My first instinct also said to mail them but when I sat back and thought about it it changed. These may be a valuable tool for YOU down the road here. Your in PLB now and to send themn is communicating which you said you were not going to do. Actually it may help them to unite further against you. A LB. A better opportunity may arise down the road where these may be instumental if-AND ITS A MIGHTY BIG IF-Your WH shows an interest in saving your M. Im glad you decided not to send to anyone at this point even though I totally understand your feelings. My first initial feelings told me if they were mine I would be tempted to put them with force somewhere bodily on the OW or WH but we cant let run away feelings control us here. Your doing great at this point. Keep posting and maybe the right situation may present itself. Keep thinking about the long range plans rather than the feelings of the moment. Still pray for ya every night. Nesre
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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Its hard not to focus on the feelings, I feel "stuck" in those and tearful for what has been lost.
I have not sent the letters to anyone.
And it is hard to hear "if and ITS A MIGHT BIG IF, that WH would ever come to his senses and decide to work on M".
That seems to be the thought continues in my head. Part of me wants to move forward, the bigger part is continuing to hold out hope for the break up of the A and WH to want to recover M.
So, I remain in PLB, mainly because I don't really know what else to do. It is the least painful path right now.
Thanks for all the prayers.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Mymissy-That's exactly it. Plan B is the least painful place for you right now. It is going to lead you to GREATNESS. It is part of the grieving process. It is the way you move forward.
I read some old facebook messages from my WH right after I found out about the "friendship" between POSOW and WH. Well, in those he said he wouldn't leave me and we could get past all of this. He said she didn't mean more to him than I did and that I had nothing to be jealous or afraid of in her. Well, at least he was right about that. I am NOT jealous of her anymore and I AM better than her FOR SURE. It hurts. It sucks. Wayturds suck azz.
Keep your head held HIGH. You are MARVELOUS.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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. Part of me wants to move forward, the bigger part is continuing to hold out hope for the break up of the A and WH to want to recover M. {{{{{Missy}}}}}}, Oh honey...... It's okay to have hope, but remember " HOPE is not a PLAN ". The goal in Plan B is to live your life while keeping your love (and hope) safe.....from your WH eroding it with his hurtful actions..... Sooooooooo...... Have you made your bucket list yet?????......  Not2fun
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I have not made my bucket list yet, I have been to busy moving and with work.
I am not sure any love or hope is safe anymore, it just seems to be eroding. I went out to the house today to let the dogs play (which I can let dogs out), but all other access to the house has been cut off. He has changed the locks.
Hmmmmm....I am pretty sure that legally I am still half owner of the house and property.
Whatever...I moved and I guess I don't really need to get back in. Its just the pettiness of it all and he just keeps it up. What is the point. I hope he and OW end up miserable and hating each other.
And your right not2fun, hope is not a plan; hope seems to be dying. I guess my only plan is to move forward with my life and stop whining and crying (if only it were that easy).
For me it is hour by hour and day by day; which I guess is better than moment by moment.
I planning several vacations for this year, they won't be able to start until in June, but then I plan on having some fun.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for all the prayers; I received the test results today from all my scans.
NO metastasis...YEAH. My scans were clean!!!!
So at least I can put that behind me; and today has been a good day so far. I have been very busy and have had my first day of no tears.
So I feel as though a(at least today) I moved forward from minute to minute and moment to moment....to day by day.
I guess that is at least some healing, for me anyway plan b is helping.
Thanks again to everyone and their kind thoughts and prayers.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Oh Mymissy I am SUPER GLAD to hear that. Relish in this moment. Love it. LIVE it. I am glad you are having a good day. It will creep up again, but then you will know that you eventually will get there again.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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today has been a good day so far. I have been very busy and have had my first day of no tears.
So I feel as though a(at least today) I moved forward from minute to minute and moment to moment....to day by day.
I guess that is at least some healing, for me anyway plan b is helping.
Thanks again to everyone and their kind thoughts and prayers.  So happy for you. I am so glad to se you in plan B and on your way to stringing more and more tear free days together and dare I say it perhpas happy days ahead.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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So glad that you got good news today! 
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Congratulations on your news, that is wonderful.
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NO metastasis...YEAH. My scans were clean!!!!  WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad to hear that Missy...... NOW you can get on that list......nothings stopping you now.... I made a similar list. I had on it..... Learn about photography.....taken 2 classes Go to Paris.......still on the wish list Get a facial......did that Learn a new make-up style..... Take a tour of Italy...... See the world is yours for the taking right now. So make the list with abandon.....as if money were not an issue. No matter how big or small.......this list is ALL about YOU!!!!!  Not2fun
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Wonderful news! Congratulations!
Me = BW
Dday = 12/1/09
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Good news on the health front.
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I have started my bucket list.
Thanks for all the well wishes.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Make it a LONG list so you can live a LONG time. I sold someone a card today that said, "Happy 90th Birthday." I looked at the lady(in her 60s) and said, "I am going to get one of those." She said, "That's going to be a long time from now." I said, "Yep but I plan on getting the 100 one too so it won't be as long." Live life. Learn. Find Happiness in things(not stuff). That is what I am aiming for.
Last edited by Scotland; 04/08/10 07:25 PM.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Mymissy so happy to hear the good news about your scan. Stress throws your whole body off and can really make you ill.
Take one day at a time. It does get better one day at a time. It is alright to be sad but try not to let it consume you.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes; I have some good days and bad. The bad days - it is the overwhelming sadness, loneliness, and feelings of something lost. But those days at least are no longer all day every day - thank god! I spoke with OWH and found out that OW was asking about my health; WH must have seen my testing show up on the insurance - then told her about. Yet, he does not ask me. I have not heard from WH in a week, today he emailed and texted regarding switching vehicles. I replied briefly, stating that I would leave vehicle outside. When he came by, my dog wanted out to see him. So (like an idiot) I opened the door. There was almost no exchange between us, when I saw him - I have to admit I did not have the feelings that I thought I would have. What does that mean??? After he left he sent me a text stating that he would be happy to take my dog for the next 2 weekends while I am out of town, and to "take care". I believe he thinks that I am going out of town for cancer testing. Myself and OWH have decided to let both of the WH's think that - why not throw a little more guilt into the mix. Even though I did not have the butterflies in my stomach when I saw WH today, I still feel as though I would be willing to try and work on the M. Maybe that is a pipe dream???? I know longer understand my own feelings or even what I am supposed to be feeling. Life has become so very different so very quickly. I wish I had great answers and how to respond and feel. I would like some closure, but I somehow don't think that is going to happen. Part of me for a moment felt guilty about going after all the things that I am demanding in the dissolution. But then I thought, wait a minute - I am not the one who betrayed the vows. So those feelings of guilt went straight out the window. Still looking for that script to follow. I guess overall I still just feel "lost"; I lost my best friend and husband - I spoke to him more times a day than anyone and now it is all just gone; and I still feel as though somehow I am at fault. Mentally I know it is not my fault, in my heart it all still just hurts. I continue to plod one foot in front of the other. And not2fun I have signed up to take a pottery class - something I have wanted to do for a long time, but just never had the extra time. I also continue to just pray, pray that somehow this will all make sense to me.
Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10
"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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I have signed up to take a pottery class - something I have wanted to do for a long time, but just never had the extra time.
I also continue to just pray, pray that somehow this will all make sense to me.
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