You need an intermediary.

You should not be seeing/talking/exchanging messages with your WH at all.

He NEEDS to know what his life will be like with you TOTALLY GONE from it.

YOU will feel better a lot faster if you DO NOT break your Plan B.

You need to be dark as midnight.

((((((Missy))))))

LadyClueless is a smart lady.

Am I not already gone from his life? It seems as though he cut me out of it the minute he made his choice to "date" OW in front of me.
It is very hard to remain in the dark, I knew today I shouldn't have opened the door; I just couldn't help myself.

You will not be gone from his life as long as he can text you or call you or drop by to see you whenever he likes.

He needs to suffer the LOSS of you.

BTW, Pep...thanks...just wish I'd been smart enough and strong enough to take the advice back in the day!

Thanks for all the advice, I hope that someone else reading this thread will be able to learn something from it.
It has also helped me to write this all down, part of it here and part of it in a journal.
I will continue to try harder to be dark, but you are right; it seems as though he does think that he can text, email, or drop by when ever the thought strikes him.
It all still seems unfair.

Well, just to let you all know I have remained dark since opening the door 2 days ago.
Yet I am unable to stop thinking of WH and trying to analyze it all.
Maybe if I put money in the pickle jar for every thought I had of WH I could then buy myself a new Marc Jacobs purse and not feel guilty.

Hey hands off the LOONIES in my PICKLE JAR. What has Pep created? HEHEHEHEHEHE

This is what happens whenever Plan B is broken. At least that's what I was told and that's what I have experienced. That's why I was mad at myself for breaking Plan B and knowing what it would do to me.

Have you ever read Mimi's thread?

Mimi's Story

So as I am reading Mimi's thread, I see that she and WH keep breaking the Plan B. I realize that my WH thinks he can stop by or text me whenever he wants; but because it is so far and few between should that concern me that he doesn't really care. He still cannot look at me or talk to me face to face. I found that out the other day when he switched cars and I opened the door. He can only communicate via email or text; and that is really not that often.
I guess now I need to put loonies in the pickle jar.

Keep reading. Have you reached the end of the thread yet? It is an interesting read. As I was in PLan B, I also remembered that Mimi broke Plan B a few times. I was starting to wonder if that was a good thing. If that was part of what you did in Plan B. I also remembered that although these posts were a while ago, I felt like they were happening NOW. WHen Mimi broke PLan B, I felt bad for her because of the tailspin and "fog" it put her in. That is one of the reasons I have tried to stick to Plan B as DARK as possible.

And HEY, if everyone starts the pickle jar, the Mint is going to have to make more LOONIES. HEEHEHEHEHEHE

If I put money in my pickle jar for obsessive thoughts I could cruise around the world!

Well I have managed to stay completely dark, it is so very hard; and that jar is going to get full soon!!!

No Scotty, I have not made it to the end of Mimi's thread yet; had to sit through 2 day conference this week and then again next week for work, so busy with that. I do plan on finishing it sometime this weekend. And you are definitely right, breaking plan b just brings it all back. It at times seems easier to be dark; I know I can at least breathe again, but then I am dying to know what is going on.

Myself and OWH (although, have not talked to him in a week) think that reality will start to set in as of next week. Supposedly OW was moving out to small house this week, WH and OW had plans to go out of town this weekend; then she is a single mom (OW and OWH will be doing shared parenting with OW as residential custodian), so she will have children approximately 60-65% of the time. OWH says she won't be able to handle it.
I feel bad for the kids, OWH states he will be ready to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. But feels he cannot stop the inevitable at this time.

Most people who know me and WH tend to believe he will want me to pick up his pieces; I am not so sure he will admit that to me. If his guilt is preventing him from even looking me in the eye and speaking face to face, is he ever going to admit he was wrong.

But I suppose for right now that is magical and wishful thinking on my part.

Spoke with OWH today, (I know, put loonies in the pickle jar). He has stated that OW's true nature is starting to come out. He was also told by his MIL that WH has told OW that "he has already raised his children and does not want to raise hers". (I wonder what happened to "I know your a package deal")
OWH thinks my WH is now just stringing OW along for fun.
WH plans on switching vehicles with me again in a few days, I know someone said an opportunity may present itself for using the letters I found that he had written to me when we were dating - should I place a copy of one of those letters in the car for him to find?

I may need help with that

Did you also read where Mimi figured out that every contact just prolonged the affair? Her H's affair was PROLONGED because of the occasional contact. See, your only hope is to yank your WS off the fence. That can only happen if he doesn't have any contact with you to get his FIX. Every time he has any contact [via phone, email, text] he gets the fix he needs, and the REASSURANCE, that you are there and available so he can go out and have fun for a while longer.

Go read up on what happens, though, when a BS goes into a truly DARK Plan B. The WS GOES NUTS when he can't get through and the affair goes into free fall. A seemingly disinterested WS all of a sudden perks up and senses that his affair will crumble if the OP is required to meet all the needs that were being met by the BS. He goes crazy trying to get the BS back on the farm. Which causes huge conflict in the affair because he gripes to the OP about you. Additionally, this causes him to raise the bar on the OP and demand that she meet all his needs. That causes more conflict and resentment in the affair.

So be assured that every time your WS gets through prolongs the affair a little longer and minimizes the chance that you will get him back any time soon.

This is why it is absolutely important for complete and total darkness. A halfassed Plan B is worse than no Plan B at all.

MyMissy, have you changed the locks? I would change the locks and just delete his texts without reading them. Then have your intermediary email him and tell him that his text was not read and to channel any communication through her/him. After a few rounds of that, he will get the message that he can't communicate directly.

Your right of course. Way, way, way too early for an olive branch. I also agree that it is another way of getting hurt.
I just had this spark of hope and wanted to push it. Thanks Pep for reigning me back in.
Thanks to you also ML for the smack of sanity as well. And since I moved out and have my own place, WH does not have access to my home.
He knows that I do not want to communicate with him, so the texts and emails are far and few between. Should I get another one though I will contact MIL to relay any message and not respond. The arrangements to trade vehicles have already been made and all I have to do is leave car outside; we both have keys to each car and he can simply trade them. I promise this time to not open door. I actually plan to not be here.
So, my plan tonight, now that I am back home and unpacked - is to finish reading Mimi's thread. I have more to learn and understand about plan B.
Again, thanks guys for making me think a little more clearly!
(I think even the BS can get a little foggy)