No you are not alone and that's the good thing about this site. It's important to share the issues you are having, other wise your mind will tell you that you are alone, no one feels like that are your mind will tell you that you're crazy. When in fact, you are normal. Unfortunately, you are now part of the club that we didn't sign up to do be a part of.

Pepperband.....Sorry it took me so long to reply but my 10 year old is the only child left in our home. All others are adults now.

Hope you will keep working on replacing the memories. Mark's idea really does work. I'm way past D-day and divorced, but seemed to be stuck for awhile. In just a couple of months, there have been big changes. It is odd how the brain works. Give yours wonderful new memories to ponder.

Glad to hear I am not the only one going through this! I can't even relax in my own house anymore becuase all I can think is ....did she sit here? Here? Did she drink from this wine glass? Did they snuggle in front of the fire place?

Oh god, even just beginning the thought process makes me want to puke. Almost had to run to the bathroom there....

When/if we ever are ready I'll have to try to replace the memories.

Right now I just want to MOVE.

I struggled so much with this at first. I found out a year ago and we have had many False Recoveries. At first I would sit in our truck and think, "she sat here". That is the only place that her and I would have shared as WH only met her twice and it was 5 hours away. (They had an internet relationship). The thoughts do go away, but they resurface sometimes. My biggest struggle right now is songs. OW claimed they had "their song" and whenever I hear it, it makes my heart drop to the floor. But i have started to play it on my own and work through it. I often play it on my walk and RUN RUN RUN!!! Hang in there!

Wow......you talk about songs. This OW would have caller tones that would describe her life at the time. Starting with You Belong With Me all the way to Didnt You Know How Much I Loved You after the affair ended and just about 35 songs in between. I am really trying not to call her cell phone just to see where her head is. This has gone from just about everyother day to maybe once a month. This person was a piece of work. You know, I have decided that anyone who dates a married person is just about the MOST selfish a person could be, borderline "wicked".

Hope you are not still calling her cell phone..........

Your WH, was equally a "piece of work".




As was your WH.
They are equally selfish/wicked/cruel/whatever.
One is no better than the other.

And, Believer is 100% correct.
If you are still calling OW to listen to her ringtone, STOP IT !

I agree. Don't call her phone. Its hard not too, I know how that feels. The sadness and anger can so easily get ahold of you, and pull you down. I have only recently actually learned that I am the only one who has the power to stop it from doing so.

When I feel like that, I am learning to do something constructive, either go for a walk, or if I am at work, I log in to this website and read posts for encouragement.

Man oh man.......WHY am I obsessing about the OW???? I am a very intelligent woman and I can't for the life of me understand why I wish I could run into her, wondering what she is doing, thinking, etc.... What's Wrong With Me???? Has anyone else felt this way????

Mind,
The racing thoughts/obsessive thoughts you describe are symptoms of PTSD. It's called "Hypervigiliance".

When something traumatic and threatening happens to you, your brain will go to great lengths to make sure you do not forget it and will never let it happen again. Your brain will constantly, constantly remind you Keep Watch and Stay on Guard and Don't Let This Happen Again!

Ever see the old TV show *Lost in Space*? Where the robot would sometimes run around waving his arms and shouting, "Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!"

That's what's happening to you. You are stuck on Hypervigilance, stuck on looking out for the danger and doing anything to avoid it.

It's okay. I pretty much live that way, too. Look up PTSD and its symptoms, and see if any of the treatments help. Some use antidepressants, or anti-anxiety meds like Ativan. I stopped all that and instead use Kava-Kava occasionally, usually just to help me sleep.

I have also heard of EMDR therapy for this, but have not tried it.

Again: You feel this way because your brain is stuck on trying to protect you from such abuse ever happening again and has gone into Hypervigilance mode. Google "PTSD SYMPTOMS" and you will see what I'm talking about.

Hang in there. You are not alone. It isn't just a full-blown wartime combat experience that can give someone PTSD.