JAG, how about putting a list together of exposure targets and plan your timing and your talking points? What day do you want to do this?

That's my brief bio. I'm the Betrayed Spouse (BS), my husband had the A and is my Formerly Wayward Spouse (FWH) meaning he ended the A and is active in healing our marriage (M).

I have two dear sons (DS) who are now 15 & 17 (need to update my profile)

We are recovering and rebuilding a M that is worth more than either of us knew. We did not divorce.

I guess reality sometimes sucks but time to buck up.

I will follow your leadings and trust that this is the Dr. Harley method of approach.

1. Why, ohh why did you leave your house?
You never, ever leave the marrital home unless ordered to by the courts.

2. Are you ready for exposur? What evidince do you have? Is it ready? Do you know who you need to expose to first?

I left the house on Feb 8th because I was really upset at learning of the A and I was concerned about the damage that I might do to her mentally and emotionally... I was really upset. I left for her protection as well as my own.

I know now that was a mistake... BUT I WASN'T AWARE OF THIS SITE AT THAT TIME. So I'm here now

Then on March 8th she took out a RO and no contacto since then. It doesn't make this any easier especially for a Plan A.

Exposure:
I'm in the process but it will take a day or three to get together.

No no. Sit down today and pull your list together. It won't take that long, and it needs to be done.

I have to work at my job so I'm trying to get all this together as soon as possible..

I really do appreciate this team pushing me. I have been taking a malicious butt kicking with the circumstances and my victim attitude. but now with you all the butt kicking is for the good and well received.

Thank you all

The sooner, the better.

Still need the two bold answered.

Evidence: Phone records, W's personal journal entries, I can get court records of the affair from the RO hearing. Again it's a time thing, I need work during the day and court records are available only during the day.

Who first? I am looking at the lists from you people. Again it's a time thing, I need work during the day.

Not trying to sidestep

Other Mans Wife!!!

Do not warn anyone.

Get your list of targets together, in order from most enfluential to least.
Expose to all of them as quickley as possible. Do not give your wife time to figure out what is going on so she can do damage controll.

You should be don with exposure before WW gets the first call from someone asking her about the affair.

You don't have to have the evidence in hand when you do your exposure. Just let your targets know that you have hard evidence of the A.

Get a pen. Get a piece of paper. Start your list. OMW, their employer, OM parents, go from there.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!

If just a guy has an active restraining order on him by is WW, any exposure could land him in jail for violating the restraining order.

JAG, can you provide us some details on the RO?

The RO is for a 300' away from WW, her home and her work... that's it.

JAG,

Give us details of the restraining order. What are you actually restrained from doing? Did the judge issue an order or did he simply tell you to leave her alone?

We need details in order to help you.

Now, that being said, the most important exposure you can make is to call the OM's wife. Odds are high that OM is having this affair in secret. Exposure to OM's wife would be huge. If your WW then contacts you, then you can use that against her in terms of the bogus RO. She's obviously not afraid of you is she's calling you, which gives you ammo to get this RO removed.

You need to shake the cobwebs of BS fog and understand something very important: you're in a war with a person that is basically the devil incarnate.

Since you're a religious man, think of it as if your WW is possessed. She isn't thinking clearly and is being guided by the affair.

You, in her mind, are the bad guy. Think of how crazy your situation is. You're hoping that she comes to her senses and returns to the marriage. She has demonized you, has a restraining order against you, and you live out of your house.

What crazy miracle to you expect to happen that will change all of this?

The only thing that can possibly happen to change things involves upsetting your WW in a major way. Exposure is the greatest enemy to an affair. Think of it as taking away a crack pipe from an addict. The addict will react with fury.

But seriously, how much worse can you make things than they are already? What in your current situation makes you think she will possibly return to the marriage?

How old are you?

My perspective on infidelity is this: There's billions of women in the world. Love can happen with many. If you meet one, fall in love, commit to marriage and she cheats, then you can find another.

There's little to no incentive, in my book, to save a marriage when there are no children in the equation. You have a step daughter, which you're well aware has issues with you. You're not her father, no matter how hard or badly you want that to be different. She doesn't and never will see you that way.

From a religious standpoint, I understand that God hates divorce. At the same time, one of the few biblically permissable reasons for divorce is infidelity. You can throw lack of faith in that as well. How faithful is someone who claims to believe yet doesn't act like it? Saying you believe and not living it speaks for itself. Your wife is certainly not acting like a Christian nor does she show that she even cares.

So what makes her so great that you're willing to be with her after she has charged you falsely, cheated on you, thrown you out of your house, and broken her vows?

No woman is worth this. Short of her floating in air with a halo around her head and performing miracles, there's nothing about her that is special. You dated for 7 years and have been married for 2. What she's doing shows that she dated you for a long time, married you in the hopes that something would be different after you got married, and decided to walk away after marriage didn't change things enough on her end.

Was she married before? Was she married when you started seeing her? Did she cheat on her last husband?

The greatest path to recovery for yourself is the acceptance that you are better than this and deserve better. You have no kids with this woman. Why the heck do you want to settle for sloppy seconds with a cheater who is likely to do it again down the road?

The RO is for a 300' away from WW, her home and her work... that's it. Initially it included some ETC: her 15 yo daughter and her school, our gym and our church. But at the hearing and after the judge heard both our cases he removed all of the ETC.

I'm listening... And maybe I'm a sucker but I married a woman I love and... I still do love her.

Everything you have written has truth to it but I guess I just want my marriage to work out.

Sap or what?

This is easy. Call the Court Reporter who transcribed the RO hearing (was it recorded?). If you don't know the cause number, you can call the court directly and get it. Then call the court reporter and order the transcript. Then call a local courier service and ask them to go pick it up for you. But like others said, you really don't need this hard proof to do the exposure.

Thank you

I believe you can make a notification after you file, that you are no longer responsible for any debt she incurs. Of course sending notification to her place of business regarding that she has been having an affair with a co worker is simply and innocently mentioned in passing, along with the posoms name.