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I know what you're saying. I didn't mean to say that I was head over heals for her or anything, I'm not. And if this were the first case for this kinda situation, it wouldn't be a big deal. But I've ran into that several times already.

And yes, the distance is a big concern for me. I'm going to give her a chance. It just feels like a lousy start.

Along those lines though, it makes sense to me try and start communication when you know you've got time available coming up. I figure it takes about a week from first contact to first date, so I won't start talking to someone on Monday if I have my kids that upcoming weekend.


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One thing I have realized with online dating is that communication will be swimmingly but then communication will sometimes stop without any rhyme or reason. Same with the first date...we'll talk about meeting but it never happens.

Does online dating create a flakey attitude?


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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I'm not sure if it's online dating or perhaps it's divorce in general. If you know how it feels to fall off the horse, you may still want to ride the horse, but much more hesitant to really giving riding a real chance.


edit: I should add that the woman I reference earlier is make a good effort today to make sure Saturday happens. I really appreciate that.

Last edited by dkd; 04/13/10 12:21 PM.

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Originally Posted By: ready2wait
One thing I have realized with online dating is that communication will be swimmingly but then communication will sometimes stop without any rhyme or reason. Same with the first date...we'll talk about meeting but it never happens.

Does online dating create a flakey attitude?


I think it might be divorce in general. Sometimes I feel like I live two distinct lives - Monday and Tuesday I'm a bachelor, Wednesday and Thursday I'm soccer dad, and depending on the weekend I flip between the bachelor and soccer dad. If your friend is a single mom, go easy on her initially with any scheduling SNAFU's. It's probably difficult for her to get a sitter and she had to call in a favor with someone to go out on Saturday.

Most times when I'm in bachelor mode, I just rest up. With two kids, I always have to play zone defense with them and it can get exhausting! I can imagine how haggard a single person who has more parenting time than 50/50 are.


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

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It can be complicated. I bought two of Christian Carter's sets of CDs on this, it really helped me a lot. Some of what I gleaned was to just have fun with it, don't limit yourself, make sure you are coming across interesting and enjoyable, not needy. It helped me to make a list of qualities I look for in a person (good character, sense of humor, etc.) and things that would be nice but aren't deal-breakers (such as likes camping). Take your time and don't rush into anything, the more you date, the more you'll learn. smile


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Heh...

I dated a woman, who on paper seemed like a DREAM for me. She was an artist, had horses and was absolutely beautiful. I contacted her and after a few emails I asked her out for dinner. She said she would like to see a movie, so I said, how about a matinee and then dinner.

I met her and over the course of the afternoon 6 HOURS NO LESS... I bet she said the word '$hit' about 200 times. It was the oddest thing, because she said it like some young girls say the work 'like' all the time, without it having any meaning at all. I noticed it within about 10 minutes of us actually meeting, (I picked her up at her house) then before and after the movie (luckily she didn't talk DURING the movie) and then for an entire dinner. I couldn't get that woman back to her house fast enough.

I don't remember anything else about her. She was beautiful, but I don't remember what she looked like. All I can remember is cringing every 15 sec for 6 hours straight.

Heh... after that, I always spoke to them on the phone before asking for a date. To this day I still think of her as the "$hit-girl"

Last edited by Cantfigureitout; 05/06/10 10:20 PM.
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Originally Posted By: ready2wait
One thing I have realized with online dating is that communication will be swimmingly but then communication will sometimes stop without any rhyme or reason. Same with the first date...we'll talk about meeting but it never happens.

Does online dating create a flakey attitude?


I think the relative 'anonymity' of online dating and the lack of contact anywhre BUT online allows people to walk away much easier than otherwise. In order to 'meet' someone in another way, you almost have to have some sort of relationship BEFORE you meet, ie Church, work, gym, etc. You will MOST LIKELY see them again, so before you go out or ask them out, you think a bit more about the situation. Online, you have more freedome to say.... "Not for me". But that certainly doesn't mean you should be abrasive or cold. I would always send an email thanking them for dinner, etc. But that I didn't feel a connection and hope they find their happiness in life.

Some guys are 'afraid' to write the NO CONTACT email. But I think it is prudent and appropriate. You can be civiland gentlemanly while not having them wonder whether you are going to call or not. I think they are just 'scared' to say they don't 'like you'. And they shouldn't be, IMO. Just be honest and open. Say Thanks and move on.

Don't take it personally though. There are all sorts of reasons why a guy might not want to date you... hey... you could just have a repeating word that you don't recognize you say often.... heh

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I appreciate all the feedback I received from my initial post.

My update since my initial post was that the man did ask me out again but I found out he was an Atheist which is a deal breaker for me. I know that I need to date/marry a believer so perhaps this all worked out to find out sooner than later.

I heard a saying recently, "Rejection in dating is God's protection." If I continued down the dating path with this man, it would have resulted in a lot of hurt because I know that I want to date/ marry a Christian. So perhaps, finding out this man was an Atheist early on was God's protection. Our relationship would have definitely been unevenly yoked.

Here's my question to everyone: I feel as if I'm being extremely picky this time around. Being divorced and having dealt with my ex-H's affair, I feel like I'm just trying to be very selective and careful this time around. As a result, I'm being pickier and eliminating a lot of men in the early stages. I refuse to settle. I am also waiting for someone bigger and better to come along which certainly is not the best way to go about dating and unfair to whomever I am dating at the time. This is quite frankly getting making dating tougher. Has anyone experienced this? If so, any words of wisdom?


Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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Waiting for something bigger and better to come along is normal when you're just testing the waters and getting to know someone. So long as you're not checking out other men while at dinner, you should be okay.

Being picky is good. A lot of us wouldn't have come here if we had been picky and selective the first time around. No one may be perfect, but there are people out there that are perfect for me!

Have you read books on compatibility? I've ordered another one. I'm going ot read it and pass it along to my sister.


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Widowed 11/5/08
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I did the online dating thing for a few months. I noticed that the better your profile picture, the more emails that you get. Profile pictures really matter. I was always good on emails but got nervous on a first phone call with basically a stranger. I went on a few dates. Most were nice guys but there was no chemistry. It WAS a confidence booster. It WAS good practice. It makes you think about how you want others to view you and hopefully reminds you to polish up a bit. I met my current boyfriend at work. We were friends before we dated. He knew that I was dating online. I asked his advice about my profile and my pics. He would pick it apart. It drove him nuts. He was always trying to tell me what was wrong with my next date. He didn't want me to know how much he liked me because we worked together. We don't work together anymore. Lol


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Originally Posted By: ready2wait

Here's my question to everyone: I feel as if I'm being extremely picky this time around. Being divorced and having dealt with my ex-H's affair, I feel like I'm just trying to be very selective and careful this time around. As a result, I'm being pickier and eliminating a lot of men in the early stages. I refuse to settle. I am also waiting for someone bigger and better to come along which certainly is not the best way to go about dating and unfair to whomever I am dating at the time. This is quite frankly getting making dating tougher. Has anyone experienced this? If so, any words of wisdom?


Hi R2W, I'm coming late to this conversation but I was wondering how the online dating is going for you? I actually signed up for some online dating sites, but Im too scared to go out! I flaked out on one guy this weekend, and realized its much harder for me then going out with people I already know.

Also, I think its great that you arent willing to settle this time. Ive dated some of my friends (or their friends) and discovered I have the opposite problem- my ex was a strong Christian prayed several hours a day, studied his Bible for several hours beyond that, didnt drink smoke or cuss. Most of the guys Ive been dating say they believe in Jesus but dont even go to church. And part of me feels like my standards are far lower now, because my way-too-high standards before resulted in only one boyfriend in college (my ex). And I just want to go out and hear how cute I am so Im pretty much going out with anyone who asks (why cant I do this with the guys from Match.com, LOL!)

Sorry to dredge up an old thread, but Ive been away for a few months and now trying to catch up on all the posts

DTC


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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It is harder with the online guys BECAUSE you haven't had the face to face reaction yet. I am experiencing the same hesitation. I feel too fat right now and am afraid that I won't really be their "type" once they see me in person. Men that I meet in person already have seen me, and, if they flirt, I know that it isn't an issue. The fear of rejection is what is scaring me a little right now. I am going to force myself out anyway though. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?

I am just going to view it as a way to meet new friends. I am keeping my expectations low and pacing myself. I am going to practice for now (while I work my butt off at the gym). Lol.


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SS2, you couldn't be as fat as I am and I still have guys showing interest, not all of them are about 20 year old figures. Just do your best and don't worry about it, think of it as weeding out the shallow ones. smile


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I have gained thirty pounds this year! UGH! Anyway, you are right. My weight does go up and down. I try to keep it down but I am not always successful. All I can do is keep at it. I went to the gym today and I have been eating right.

I am enjoying the email and text flirting that comes before the actual meeting. I am supposed to meet for coffee this week with someone. If it doensn't click, that is okay. I will just keep on doing what I need to do to be the person that I want to be.


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I met the most wonderful man on Match. after my divorce. We've been dating almost a year now. I think online dating is somewhat necessary for those of us who aren't interested in meeting men in bars, blind dates by well-meaning friends, dating in the workplace, or good at meeting guys at random places like the grocery store.

Tips - Never answer an email via your personal email account until you're pretty sure it's a person you're going to meet in person. Especially if your email address is comprised of your first/last name, birthdate, or place of employment.

Always talk on the phone at least once before you agree to meeting in person. You get a really good feel for whether you will like a person by hearing the voice, the laugh, the way he/she converses.

The first date, in my opinion, shouldn't really be a "date". It should be a drink, maybe even during the workweek to prevent overdoing it, and leave dinner optional just in case you need an out. Meet there, of course, pay your own way. And tell a friend where you're going/who you're meeting.

Oh - and after you trade phone numbers, google the person's name and number. I learned this the hard way, after meeting someone in person who seemed nice enough but happened to have a history of not paying a certain dominatrix for her services (she put his # on her website to warn others not to take him as a client), and a criminal record (white collar, not violent, but still).

And yes - profile pictures are really important! There's no use in putting a misleading photo out there. I'd rather the guy know what he's getting that way I don't feel embarassed when he sees that in the 5 years since that photo was taken, I put on a few pounds. And be picky about their photos too - A man should never under any circumstances post photos such as 1) self portrait taken in mirror with shirt off, 2) drunk, especially drunk with women hanging on him, 3) most close-up photos he's wearing a hat or sunglasses, 4) no good full on pictures that aren't hazy, fuzzy, and 5) photos where he's had to cut out, black out, x-out the woman standing next to him.

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Originally Posted By: MuttsMommy
I met the most wonderful man on Match. after my divorce. We've been dating almost a year now. I think online dating is somewhat necessary for those of us who aren't interested in meeting men in bars, blind dates by well-meaning friends, dating in the workplace, or good at meeting guys at random places like the grocery store.

Tips - Never answer an email via your personal email account until you're pretty sure it's a person you're going to meet in person. Especially if your email address is comprised of your first/last name, birthdate, or place of employment.

Always talk on the phone at least once before you agree to meeting in person. You get a really good feel for whether you will like a person by hearing the voice, the laugh, the way he/she converses.

The first date, in my opinion, shouldn't really be a "date". It should be a drink, maybe even during the workweek to prevent overdoing it, and leave dinner optional just in case you need an out. Meet there, of course, pay your own way. And tell a friend where you're going/who you're meeting.

Oh - and after you trade phone numbers, google the person's name and number. I learned this the hard way, after meeting someone in person who seemed nice enough but happened to have a history of not paying a certain dominatrix for her services (she put his # on her website to warn others not to take him as a client), and a criminal record (white collar, not violent, but still).

And yes - profile pictures are really important! There's no use in putting a misleading photo out there. I'd rather the guy know what he's getting that way I don't feel embarassed when he sees that in the 5 years since that photo was taken, I put on a few pounds. And be picky about their photos too - A man should never under any circumstances post photos such as 1) self portrait taken in mirror with shirt off, 2) drunk, especially drunk with women hanging on him, 3) most close-up photos he's wearing a hat or sunglasses, 4) no good full on pictures that aren't hazy, fuzzy, and 5) photos where he's had to cut out, black out, x-out the woman standing next to him.


Great advice!

I would love to date more but I am just not interested in men that can't write in full sentences (at least initially), and spell correctly. Shortcuts later are fine. I received two pitiful emails today:

Pitiful email #1
"I need a glass of wine" MrRollieEyes

Pitiful email #2
"ur cute! r u married? can I get a ticket?" faint

Both men have been blocked from contacting me. I need more than that to get me out of the house!

I am going out for a drink with my new girlfriend tonight. It will be an early night.


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Originally Posted By: stillstanding2


Pitiful email #2
"ur cute! r u married? can I get a ticket?" faint



Bwhaaaaaaaaa rotflmao Haaaaaaaaaaaa rotflmao haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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It reminds me why I'm not that interested in dating...


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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: stillstanding2


Pitiful email #2
"ur cute! r u married? can I get a ticket?" faint



Bwhaaaaaaaaa rotflmao Haaaaaaaaaaaa rotflmao haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Why I will NEVER start dating again.

My GF who jumped into dating as soon as her D was final has become total disallusioned with the online dating.

She tried Match and met guys that could not remember her first name, ended up being players, lied about marital status, age, job whatever.

She then tried E-Harmony and the first 2 matches they made for her were -- Guess what 2 guys she dated on Match and one was seperated! Go figure.

Miss the old days of meeting guys in bars! rotflmao But now I am too old and so not interested!


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Unlucky for me, I found my H "trolling" match.com.
(He claims it was all innocent!) puke

Curently there are tons of commercials for match.com on tv now. everyone is a huge trigger and downer for me.

So I have been reading around, even by one sites estimates, up to 30% of male posters are still married! Egads!
They make it easier by not seperating the divorced/seperated categories.

I do not want to enter any site, even without registering I have had unsolicited "matches" sent to my computer in junk email. (zipcode, I am guessing)

This sounds like a hugely inflated number. Has anyone had expereinces like this? This would really turn me off to it. I would warn people.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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