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Re: I'm having a crisis...he's just angry
OurHouse #2355820 04/16/10 09:52 AM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
southern gal
T
Tawandabelle Offline
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Tawandabelle
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T Offline
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Posts: 2,416
southern gal
OH, my H got to the same point with his DS need, I am ashamed to say. He didn't bat an eye when he heard my latest organization plan. he had gotten to the point that anything that wasn't actually CLEAN didn't impress him. He couldn't be my cheeerleader anymore. Becuase in the end there never really turned out to be anything consistent to cheer for. I feel terrible admitting that, but it is just to say that I know what you are saying about cold hard cash. I tell my students who make wrong choices and then say "I'm sorry," "Don't be sorry; be different."
Re: I'm having a crisis...he's just angry
Tawandabelle #2356094 04/16/10 03:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,518
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Retread Offline
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R Offline
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Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by OurHouse
I admit I am engaging in my own form of emotional dishonesty. I should tell him just what I've told you all here. I have, in the past. His response of "how could you suggest that to me...lowest of the low" type thing, puts me off and encourages me to stay steeped in silence.

So my remark to him yesterday about feeling nothing, feeling numb...may have made an impression. Or maybe he thinks it will blow over.

I guess I can't control what he thinks!

You are halfway there, but you are still letting him get away with rhetorical devices to avoid a mature conversation when you swap remarks with him.

When he makes a remark like, "how could you suggest that to me...lowest of the low",..

1. realize what he is doing
2. don't join the dance by coming back at him
3. don't let him shut down the conversation by walking away
4. avoid diagnosing his remarks ("You are just feeling sorry for yourself."), if it is possible.
5. continue on with the points you wanted to make, or compliment that he was refusing to let you give him. Let him know you are not playing the game. You don't have have to get into what game you think that is, because if he is playing a game, of course he will say you guessed wrong. Who cares? A game is a game. Let him wonder how much you have figured out.

Me: 61
Dear Wife: 58
Married: 35 years
Re: I'm having a crisis...he's just angry
Retread #2358729 04/21/10 09:48 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
I
imanotherone Offline
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imanotherone
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Posts: 1,549
Thinking about you today, OH!

Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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