{{{{{Missy}}}}},

why all this continual changing of the cars?.....I'm confused on why this is happening?

Not2fun

We have an SUV and a car; they are company vehicles, and the SUV has a trailer hitch to be able to haul our trailer. He needed the SUV (which is the vehicle I usually drive) to haul some stuff. Both need to go in for some warranty work and the normal maintenance. These things are done at his place of work. So that is the reason for the back and forth right now. Previously it did not matter, I usually never cared which vehicle I drove, he would just take whichever he needed and I would drive the other.
I am going to continue to drive the free vehicle for as long as I am legally his spouse. I don't want to have to purchase a car until I have to.

Well I have made it through another 10 pages of Mimi's thread. Obviously it is going to take me a little longer than this weekend to read it all.
All I can say is WOW, I feel like I could be writing much of that. My feelings are the same, my fears are the same, my insecurities are the same.
I have tried very hard to place this in God's hands; many of my friends and family have told me that I am better off without him; and that I would be crazy to even consider reconciliation.
I am going to stick with MB and all of your advice; I am going to stay in a dark Plan B, if we are meant to be then I will face that decision if/when it happens.
Again thanks all for reigning me in.
OWH says that now the A is out in the open and I have moved to a dark Plan B - their texting, emails, and phone calls have significantly decreased, he thinks the fun is starting to go out it.
I still have the same fears though, and that is why this weekend has been so hard; I know that they are away together this weekend.
And I am still sad and lonely

As you stay in a deep, dark Plan B, your WH will be looking to the OW to meet ALL his needs, since you are no longer meeting them.

At the same time, with your moving out, the OW may feel that she has "won", and so, her taker will feel free to come out. She will expect your WH to meet her needs/wants, now that she feels like she's reeling him in.

I'd be willing to bet that she pictures them and her children as one sweet little happy family...and that she will expect him to do "his share" of child care...spend time playing "daddy"...replace the children's own father, and this isn't what your husband wants to do, at all. Hence, the remark about his raising his children and he wasn't going to raise hers. Oh, sure, he figured that she'd be bringing her children with her, but he was NOT figuring on having to take care of them. After all, she is their mother, and they already have a father, don't they?

Unless your WH is a complete idiot, I'm sure he understands that he probably can't afford the fancy house I think she is wanting, too. Hmmm...wonder what's gonna happen when he finally tells her that the fancy house ain't happenin'?

So, keep reading Mimi's story and stay pitch black dark. Take care of yourself and get some enjoyment out of life!

Reality is starting to set in.

Here are some of my fears:

Oops, fears:
What if I didn't do a good enough plan A (thought I did).
What if the last 4-6 weeks I was in the house with him and we were not speaking is what he remembers instead of the Plan A'ing I did.
What if his guilt or his pride gets in the way.
What if WH and OW don't end things.
What if....What if....What if.....
I know - stay dark and put more loonies in the pickle jar.
I feel like all I do is wah, wah, wah, sorry.

MM
Just wanted to stop by and say Hey! I still read along and see you are in very good hands.

I share in this with you


Your taking care of yourself. Thats most important. Obsessing about the OP is sooo hard to break. Your doing way better than I.

Keep it up.
Prayers for you

Nesre

Well, I have to say at least the place I obsess about WH and OW is here. This is where I vent and cry the most.
I try not to let kids see or hear anything in my voice, but have tried to remain a source of stability for them.
Again, this is a hard and difficult place to be in. My magical thinking still wishes it would all go away. I keep telling myself that God has a plan, I just don't know what it is yet.
Hope it is something great!!!

This is the first Sunday since moving out that WH has not attempted to contact me via text or email.....
I have to admit that I am terribly disappointed. Hear come those fears and obsessive thoughts again.

STOP IT! Find something FUN to do! Distract yourself from those thoughts!

Obviously I need some of that!!!
Thanks

Mymissy, no advice, just hugs. Vent here. Get hit by those 2x4's (I have been pummeled many times).

Take a walk, read a book. go to a movie (at one point I saw everything that was being shown).


Blessings.

missy - I was the same way. But when he moved out almost 2 years ago, I knew that he would either 1) ignore me, hoping to goad me into begging him for a few crumbs of attention, or 2) try to contact me once in a while so we could have a nice, friendly, "civilized" divorce. The thought of either one sickened me.

I simply blocked him from my email and turned off the ringers on the phones. I used email to communicate with everyone else, including my job. I got to where I didn't even check voice mail, and I still don't. (You'd be surprised that you CAN get along just fine without it.)

The point is: Since I knew there would be no emails or calls or voice mails from him, I did not spend any time waiting for them. I put up those solid-wall boundaries to protect myself from any more of his crumb-dribbling abuse, and it worked.

I don't even look at the drivers of other cars when I am walking or driving, especially if those cars resemble the ones I knew he had. I just don't want to know. There's simply no point in it.

Protect yourself, missy. He's not going to protect you, so that leaves you.

Sorry Mulan, I have not yet brought myself to the point of blocking his emails yet. However, this morning when I did receive one from him regarding switching cars; I had my brother (IM) respond for me. So, YEAH I was finally able to not respond to an email or text. 1st step.

I am just not sure what to think of this email, each one (and they are far and few between) adds just a little more information about stuff at home.
Here is the email he sent this morning - anyone care to interpret:


"Good morning.
FYI: The car is being serviced today. The suv is scheduled for Thursday. I can trade with you tonight or tomorrow night which ever is more convenient.
Our paper work is still stuck with my atty. I think. They are having some difficulty finding a value for the pension as it has no value until I retire.
Dog 1 and Dog 2 are doing well. They are scheduled for grooming and shots on May 3rd. Going to get Dog 1 trimmed for warmer weather. DS24 helps take care of them when I am away so they are rarely alone.
I hope all is well with you and your travels to Columbus are nothing serious.
Take care and let me know about the car thing. Have a good day."



?????
I believe he thinks I am going to Columbus for additional CA testing (he must have seen the stuff on the insurance), I have never stated why I was going to Columbus, It is for a seminar at work.

I would think that if he wanted to expedite the end of this marriage, wouldn't you know what the hold up is at your attorney's office.

I guess I keep thinking that Plan B would produce faster results, but then I thought that Plan A would work within a week or two as well.

The trick is to be DARK and not to have any expectations from Plan B.

You just know that you want away from the drama and want to be in a place where you are not exposed to the active cruelty and disrespect of the wayward.

It does take time to work through this in plan B for yourself.

At first you want results and to stay connected in many ways.

hmmmm......makes perfect sense. Not the answer I wanted, but then again nothing is as I wanted it.
I will continue to try harder to let go. I am actually proud of myself for not responding to email, it was very hard not to.

Missy, from the voice of experience:

Plan B was difficult to stick to at first, but after a couple of "brushes" with contact and the resulting emotional turmoil caused by them, I have managed to stay completely dark for three months.

The difference is overwhelming. Not only am I sleeping and eating normally, but my friends tell me how much better I seem to them and how well I'm doing. And they're right.

In fact, earlier today I learned that next week will NOT be the final decree of divorce and that it might take a few more months before that can happen.

That news actually depressed me! Six months ago, the last thing I wanted was to divorce my wife. Now it's the first thing.

mymissy,

I just want to send you hugs from one plan B'er to another...