Hey all,

Decided to start that new thread. At this point I think that I can consider myself pretty much recovered. I don't know if we ever truly "get over it" or not, but I'm good, haven't shed tears in months, and most days don't give XWH much thought. In my book, that counts for recovery even if it's an "almost" recovery.

Still trying to juggle a job and my shop which is tough. I am just trying to hang onto the shop until my lease runs out. Only 11 months to go!!! Things have been tough financially though. I've managed to stay on this side of the bankruptcy line, but it still may be the path I have to take. Since XWH had to take my one big credit card, that really helped. And speaking of that, I have a story.

XWH has suddely been coming around the last month or so. He has been to see DD twice in the last month, is here this weekend again and wants to see chaibaby. He took DD to see his apartment, so something is fishy. Either he didn't get M or he did and it's on the rocks. No mention of Miss Mullet. As with most of these things, the D being final rendered the A not much fun anymore, so that pretty much goes with textbook theory.

So he tells DD that "Chai stuck me with a big credit card debt." Excuse me? The judge "stuck" him with credit card debt which was only fair because I had been trying to pay all of the debts on my next to nothing salary. I asked her if he mentioned that I had to give him a huge chunk of my 401K (which was about 3 times bigger than the credit card). She said no. Of course he didn't mention that. Then she says "If you would have just called him when he had the heart attack instead of having your friend call." I looked at her with my jaw dropped. She then said "he wanted you to call not her."

For a while it had me second guessing myself and feeling like I did something wrong, but I soon realized that this is his way of still blaming me for everytihing. I told him in my PBL that as long as he was with her I would never have contact with him, and he was with her when he had the attack. I rest my case.

So this weekend he wanted to see chaibaby, but he won't call the other grandparents because he hates them and wants nothing to do with them (he doesn't even know them) and he won't call me because he wants nothing to do with me either. Sorry about his luck.

Funny, he hates the other grandparents? The ones who care for his grandchild round the clock to keep the little guy out of foster care. He should be kissing their feet. That just shows how screwed up this man has become. Everytime you think he has hit bottom, he finds a new tool to cut through the rock.

Enough about that. Life is good, it's sunny and warm, and I am taking chaibaby to go buy flowers today. He is going to "help" me plant them I'm sure. He helps with lots of stuff around the house. He gives me each garment out of the clothes basket as I fold, he loves to mop the floor with the swiffer, and he picks up everything he can find and gives it to me. He is a very happy little guy who always smiles.

The new baby is due in July and I have no clue what my DD will do. I hope she gives the baby up for adoption into a great home, but I have a feeling it will end up in foster care. Breaks my heart.

Bottom line, I am good, happy again, and loving life for the most part. Dating? No. Not interested. Have had people who want to "fix me up" but still not interested. I like being with just me at this point. XWH totally messed up my life for a good long while, and I will never give anyone that kind of power over my life again.


I had to say the "D" word for the first time last week and it did feel a bit odd. I went to the doctor and they asked my marital status. I realized that it was the first time I actually had to say it. Ouch. I didn't like it a bit, but it is what it is.

SINGLE and lovin' life.....

Hi Chai!

Love the new thread name!

Glad to see your update. You're an inspiration to many lurkers and posters.....far more than you may realize.

Thanks for sharing. Onwards and upwards.

Huggzzzz to you!

Ace

I agree... you are MY inspiration. Looking forward to more hair-raising posts!!!

Chai, I am sooo glad to hear you are doing good...You deserve it and I truly believe that it is only up for you from here on in. It sounds like [censored] is getting a taste of what is to come for him....at this point you probably dont event care anymore anyway...which is a good thing...

{{{{{{Chai}}}}}},

Well it's about TIME you got this thread going!!!!!....

WxH whining about how mean you are is funny......that he is doing it to your DD is pathetic. And it doesn't surprise me given her own wayward ditch she is inclined to sympathize with him.

Anyway, it good to see ya honey......don't be a stranger even if you are busy with you new wonderful life......

Not2fun

Hi Chai, guess you washed that man right out of your "hair".

Just make sure no matter what you keep those hair appointments.

I remember when I was a newbie reading late into the night your thread.

I have always admired you and consider you my friend. Hugs and blessings.

How old is Chaibaby now? Is he talkin? What's on his mind?

Hi Chai,
It made my day to read your first post in your new thread. Yes, life is full of tribulations, but you still have so much to be thankful for. Enjoy!

Thanks so much guys. Two years ago I could not imagine writing this. Two years ago I thought my life had ended. Heck, two years ago I wanted to end it myself.

Once I stepped aside and let XWH deal with his girlfriend and his messed up life, healing began for me. And guess what? Sounds like he is still dealing with a messed up life. Maybe he's happy where he is. Don't know, don't care.

DD says he will be back next weekend. What? In town 3 out of the 4 weekends this month after being away for 3 years? Sounds like trouble in affairland to me. I've always thought that it was only about winning with Miss Mullet. She just wanted to know that he would actually D for her. Yeah! She won!!!!

On second thought, I think I won. She just doesn't know it yet.

Barbie, little chaibaby is doing great. He is walking all over the place. He is a very sweet, loving little guy. I am so thankful that he hasn't had any major issues. I hope it stays that way. He isn't talking too much. Everything he picks up is a cell phone, so his first word was "hello." Holds everything up to his ear and says "hello." I don't think he knows who his mother is, but he seems to be happy when he sees DD. She is only allowed to see him 1 day per week. It's a sad sitch.

Onward and upward. And the best part?

I CAN GET MY HAIR DONE AS MUCH AS I WANT!!!!!!

Hi Chai, Very brave with the new thread. I know I should start a new one buuuutttt think I will wait.

Some titles "Desperate to kick PP's butt", "Desperate to save me", or just maybe "desperate". LOL...

Can't believe that XH is showing up in your side of town.

You "sound" great Chai, so glad to hear it!

Oh! I remember the "phone" stage! It is so darn cute!

Really lets you know how those little eyes are watching and those little ears are listening to you.

As far as understanding who his parents (mom) are, They had a study posted a few years back that said, basically children who were raised in positive households (foster care/grandparent) have just as much lifelong success as traditional homes.
I remembered this because I always thought everyone needed that "mom/dad adoration" - I know I did, but long term they have found out that stability, respect and basic needs are just as good an indicator of a happy adult.

Just like stability, respect and basic needs are part of MB, I guess.

Hi CL,

It's great to read your update.

As you say, don't know when 'recovery' applies.

....OTOH, �SURVIVORS of an AFFAIR�? FOR SURE!!!!!!

Hugs to you.

Luna

Luna,

Thanks for checking in. Hope you are doing well.

Maybe a little update:

XWH has been coming to town frequently to see DD. In fact, three of the last four weekends. Gone for three years or more and now back. Hmmmm....

He wanted to see chaibaby but wouldn't call me because "he wants nothing to do with that woman" and wouldn't call the other grandparents because he "can't stand them and won't call them to see his own grandchild." Well guess what? Last weekend while I was out of town DD took him (and Miss Mullet) to see chaibaby. Guess he realized that if he wanted to see the baby he had to do it our way.

It was a bit of a trigger for me. Caused a little depression but nothing major. I guess we all wait for the news of a meltdown with the affairage and when it doesn't happen we get depressed.

But, life goes on and I will too. I just keep trying to tell myself that I will be fine, which I will.

Not much other news to tell about. The new job is going well and I am hoping that I can build things up so that it will be full time for me by the time my lease is up on the store. I'm on the last 11 months and counting down. Need to do something different.

Ladies, I am here to amuse you today.

We are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!

We are engaged in so much good stuff!!!!!!

We are gonna live JUST FINE!

We may like men but we are FINE without one around complicating our lives in undesirable ways.

You are so cute, cinderella....Keep updating us, Chai, I think about you often..I am glad you are doin okay (except for the little trigger) hopefully someday that will not happen to us anymore, but IDK.

Chai! Sooo glad to see you doing well, and starting this new thread. You have been amazing to me since I first discovered your thread so many, many moons ago.

Cannot believe Baby Chai is running around and starting to talk! He is growing up so fast. Glad to hear he is a happy boy. You seem to have come to peace about your DD too--that you cannot "make" her life right. Such a hard thing to do, but you've conquered that too. I am still in awe of you.

Whatever your goofy XWH is up to, I am sure you are doing so much better. Which is only fair.

Good luck with the business--whatever way it goes, you will be fine. You've already dealt with bigger things.

Kudos to you.

((((Chai))))

Right Here Waiting

Is the store doing alright? What'll you do if it starts doing better?