You should be ashamed, Bubbles to kick her when she is down.

Do you feel good doing that?

I would do everything possible to avoid divorcing, even on paper. My SIL did this to avoid financial repercussions from her H being sued by his former business partner. They did it to protect their personal assets but guess what? He had an affair and there was nothing should could do because they were already D'd.

I don't think divorce is necessary at all in your case.

I put another legal post on your husband's thread.

Mr. W

Thanks Mr. Wondering. I read over the info you posted on my H's thread, and that's very reassuring. $1000 isn't pocket change for us, but it's certainly nowhere near the amount I was fearing. Maybe I've been watching too many courtroom dramas, where the awards always seem to be in the six-figure + range.

I also want to encourage you to fight this.

Get that Private Lie Detector Test.

If you son passes then FIGHT IT.

As someone said on your husband's thread. The prosecutor doesn't have your best interests at heart and will STRONGLY encourage a plea/settlement. He'll promise that it pretty much means NOTHING.

However...such plea WILL follow your son around for life. He'll never be able to work for a government agency that includes a background check as he'll be asked about any and all crimes he's ever even been charged with and the result of such charges. That means he can't be a cop, a teacher, a DEA agent...nothing. Even Law Schools require you to disclose your criminal record from birth as does the State Bar when you finally pass the Bar Exam...

and more and more things require background checks every year. Heck, just volunteering at my kids school or at the hospital requires one and even though it's supposedly sealed as a juvenile record...it's still essentially a lie for him to withhold the information when specifically asked.

Because he's a juvenile the negative consequences of fighting AND losing likely aren't so bad.

Hope you find a way to beat this wrap.

Mr. W

We're having loads of problems with our so-called legal representation. My son's bio father has quit returning our calls, so unless a lot of money falls out of the sky, hiring a private attorney is pretty much impossible. I've been trying to reach our PD since last week, but she doesn't answer or return our calls either. Other than a few minutes before our last hearing and one phone call, we haven't even had a chance to speak with her. She still hasn't even heard my son's side of the story. I have no idea how she's going to defend his case if she only knows what is in the police report. I asked if we can change PD's, but apparently that's not allowed. You just have to take what you get. To top it all off, the probation officer in charge of my son's home supervision isn't returning our calls either. My oldest son is staying with us and I'm trying to have him added as a supervisor so we can actually leave the house without having to take our son with us. I've left her multiple messages over the last several days to no avail.

I feel like there is literally no one on our side at all. We found out that the "victim" is now posting pictures of my son on the My Space page of the girl he was dating before his arrest. The picture supposedly shows my son kissing some girl while he was dating his girlfriend, basically his ex trying to convince his girlfriend that he was cheating on her. The clincher? My son doesn't even know who the girl is that he is supposedly kissing. The picture of him is old - he's wearing a hat in it that he hasn't even owned in ages. So the picture couldn't have been taken in the last few months, as his ex-girlfriend is claiming. And, since he doesn't even know who the girl is, it is obviously fake. My son sent the picture to several friends who do graphic design (my son has also taken 3 years of graphic design) and the consensus is that the photo is fake. I'm pretty sure the "victim" is violating the judges orders by posting fake pictures of my son on the internet. The judge specifically said that neither of them are to have any direct or indirect contact whatsoever while the case is still open. I can't do anything about it of course, since I can't get anyone to return my calls.

How do I get myself off of ignore and get some of these people to actually start doing their jobs? I am so frustrated.

Sorry...I don't know what to say or how to make it better. I don't know how public defenders work in Michigan let alone California.

As far as getting the ex-girlfriend to stop harassing your son...I say...let her harass away. The more you can document her vindictive actions the better because that's your whole defense anyway. Just be CERTAIN your son stays WAY above the fray. Neither he, nor his close friends, can be seen as trying to intimidate the "victim" or harassing her to recant. That will just give her ammunition if and when she testifies crying her heart out about all your son has supposedly done to her (the night he allegedly forced himself upon her and EVERYTHING thereafter.

Really...your son needs to be instructed that any type of manipulation on his part or his friends part WILL backfire on him. Let her do WHATEVER crazy thing she wants...be HAPPY when she does....just don't react (which is what she WANTS and NEEDS him to do). Hopefully, the less he reacts the crazier she will get.

Mr. Wondering

Ditto Mr. W on keeping your DS *AND* his friends above the fray... but DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT everything she does. Get date-stamped screenshots of things she sends to facebook, text messages, etc. and burn them to non-rewritable CD's to preserve the date stamps. If you have any techie friends, enlist their help in preserving documentation that will prove it is her, and when it happens. Even if your PD falls down on the job, you can present this info to the judge yourself.

I hate for you that this is happening, but keep your chin up and keep fighting for what's right!!

There is just a chance that your PD is stuck in Europe, unable to get out because of the airline crisis.

I cannot imagine why else she would just not be responding to you.

I'm sure she'll be in touch soon.

PS: I realise that my suggestion might sound far-fetched from where you are. It's just that, in the UK, half the country seems to be stuck abroad. My workplace is half-empty and so is my son's school. There are not enough teachers, so kids are being given a day off in rotation.

Silly Europeans...

Americans we just pee on Volcano's to put them out and carry on.

Smoke????....I don't see no stinking smoke.

Ash??? We've got more ash than any country on the planet and we ain't shutting down our skies for NOTHIN'.

I live in Southern California, where the motto is: Never trust any air you can't see, touch, and taste.

And yes, we have driven it home to our son that he is to have absolutely no contact with his ex. That's not too hard for him, since she seems to be the last person on earth he wants to have anything to do with. It is hard for him to just sit back and do nothing, but he understands that she is her own worst enemy. The only reason he knew about the picture at all was that his more recent girlfriend (they aren't currently dating, because of the situation) told him that the ex had posted the photo on her MySpace page. Obviously, the ex-girlfriend is tired of sitting around waiting while nothing much happens, so she's trying to stir up the pot a little. I hope she does a few more stupid things between now and the next court date. I just need a way to let the judge know what is going on. If we can't get together with the PD and give her all of this info, he may never know anything. Last time, court was very much do not speak unless spoken to, so if the judge doesn't ask, we won't have any opportunity to tell him anything. He made it very clear that if anyone spoke out of turn, they would be forcefully removed from the courtroom and fined and/or jailed. He's a real lovely person.

Update: Just spoke to the PD. She called while I was typing this. We're meeting on Thursday, the 29th to discuss everything. Yeah!

Hurrah! She's not stuck in a volcano!

It would be great if you had your own private Polygraph done by that meeting. I don't think you need to wait for the public defenders instruction to get it done...just do it. You are by far your own best advocates. Even if you were paying for your own attorney...nobody can represent you better than you.

It would be great if the PD would tell you to get it asap and who to go to as she may have a relationship with someone who will give you a better deal (someone she refers to often) or better yet...someone she knows the prosecutors office trusts such that the results will be trusted without having to endure ANOTHER polygraph issued ON THE RECORD by them. Do you have an email address for her??? [on the other hand...April 29, in terms of how long these things tend to drag out...is really not that far off. You can wait to discuss it with her then]

Again...your son can fail a private polygraph, but if he consents to a public polygraph the results likely can be used against him (you'll likely have to consent to such BEFORE taking the test). Never consent to a prosecutor's polygraph without KNOWING what the results will be aforefront.

Mr. Wondering

Hi Writer-
I agree with Mr. Wondering--Get that polygraph, no matter what you have to pawn to get the $$. It should only be a few hundred bucks, and I know the word "only" doesn't apply for you, but it's going to be worth it's weight in gold.
There's got to be some potential $$ somewhere, even if you have to ask relatives, the older kids, or sell something. Does DS have a car? If so, sell it. He won't need it if he goes to jail, and if this gets him off, he can always work toward a new one. Leave no stone unturned in the quest for money. And don't give up on DS's sperm donor either. File for back child support, seriously, before DS turns 18.

We have court tomorrow. Everything is a mess. The baby has been throwing up since Saturday night. I have no one to watch her, so I have to take her to court sick. We asked our youngest son to miss the first few periods of school tomorrow so he could watch her, and he absolutely refuses. He has ADHD and who knows what else and is verbally abusive on a regular basis to everyone in the house. If we ask him to do anything at all, he throws a fit and threatens to run away (he's actually done it numerous times in the past). He doesn't even go to class half the time when he does go to school. He has tardies/truancies every single day. He isn't passing anything. I really want him out of my house, but I have no choice but to put up with all of his crap for another 2 years until I can kick him out. He openly does drugs and brags about it and has been suspended for possession of marijuana recently.

So, we asked my MIL to come over and watch the baby. This is a woman who has baby sat our kids maybe twice in the entire 16 1/2 years I've been married to my H. Will she come over and babysit the sick baby? NO! Her reason? She's too upset about everything that's been going on with our son and the court battle and she just can't handle it. I'm not even flipping asking her to go to court. I'm just asking her to watch the baby so we don't have to bring her to court where she's bound to puke all over everyone the entire time we're there. UGH! UGH!!! UGH!!!!

Tonight, on the way to the store, the clutch went out in my H's car and we got stuck for 2 hours before the tow truck showed up. Both of my credit cards were refused when I tried to rent a car.

I've been trying to reach our public defender since last week and she doesn't return any phone calls. We called today about seeing if she could postpone the court date because of the baby's illness, but of course, she can't do that if she WON'T RETURN OUR PHONE CALLS!!!

I am sick and tired of waking up every morning wondering what's going to go wrong today. Nothing goes right. EVER! I am living in a nightmare of Murphy's Law.

I am so sick of my life!!!

Sorry, this was the only place I could go to rant. There isn't anyone I can talk to at all.

Wish I could help you more. Praying for your family writer.

((((((( hugs )))))))

Hey just a thought maybe the baby will puke on the ex GF in court tomorrow !!!!! lol
Hey it could happen I had a exocist baby who projectile vomited all the of the time !!!!!!!! Wasn't funny at the time but like making her feel guilty now that she's 22 & can pick on her about it.

You know that made you smile !!!!! Just admit it !!!!

I'm really worried about the baby. She really isn't keeping anything down. She hasn't eaten since Saturday, except for a little applesauce, which she threw up almost immediately. She isn't even keeping the pedialyte down. I was going to take her to the doctor today, but then she seemed to be feeling a little better. Not anymore. She doesn't want to do anything. She just rolls around on the floor and whines and moans. Most of the time, she just wants to sleep. How on earth am I going to get her up 3 hours earlier than usual tomorrow and drag her to court? She can barely sit up.