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Joined: Dec 2009
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jcb Offline OP
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I'm here.
Nothing really new to report...

It is very strange to have the keylogger installed and have access to everything my wife does on the computer..her emails to family and friends, web searches, etc. I know the reason I have it, but that kind of monitoring is just strange...

Things have been continuing to go well, although I have a lot of uncomfortable thoughts about the affair...

OM never came to see me (lucky for him..haha)
GF keeps calling and emailing me, she keeps wanting to meet. I don't answer. I told her if she had any new info to email it to me and I'd call her.

Any questions I've had, wife has answered.

Still paranoid...although i'm (almost) sure I'w wrong.

Thanks!

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The paranoia will stick with you for a bit, JCB. Be alert for signs that your WW (hopefully, soon-to-be-FWW) has resumed the affair using other methods. Here's the typical list:
1. Pay phones
2. Pay-as-you-go cell phones
3. Library or other shared computers outside the home

Expect accountability for the entire day. My FWW and I have actually made it a daily ritual to talk about everything we did that day, starting at 8:30 every evening. As a betrayed spouse, this habit has HUGELY helped me feel better about our relationship. It was a practice recommended by Jennifer Harley Chalmers because I have such an obvious need for openness & honesty... she suggested that it's really my #1 emotional need right now, and my experience with FWW meeting it consistently is that Jennifer was RIGHT!


Doormat_No_More
(Formerly Barnboy)
Original thread lost in the forum purge of '09.
4 months after D-Day
1 year after D-Day
Two Years Later
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jcb Offline OP
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Unbelievable!

Two days ago my wife told me that the OM tried to contact her by IM on Yahoo....she said she did not respond and I thought it was great she told me....I even sent him an email telling him to stop all contact....

Today, I checked the keylogger and this is the email from my wife to the Om...

"Hey did you try to reach me through Yahoo Sorry about the Email from XXXXX was in my office unfortunately when it popped up.. Didn't think you would want to chat with me. Let me know whats up OK I'd like to chat with you again unless your to scared Me"

Not only did she contact him, not only did she tell him she wants to start "chatting" again...she made up the entire story about me seeing the email....she told me....??!!

Want to pack up and get out NOW!

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Are they still working together?

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jcb Offline OP
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No, she works with me now....(great idea, I know...)

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Everybody has a breaking point, that moment when the cup is full and starts running over. If you've reached that point, nobody could blame you for packing it in. If you can stand it, though, you might get some valuable ammo by silently watching just a little bit longer. But not if waiting and watching is going to make you blow a gasket!mr eek

tl

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I think you need to confront her without telling her how you know. Just ask her why she is contacting OM and playfully asking him if he is afraid of her?

If she denies it, just tell her that she knows it and you know it. Reiterate that this contact puts you back to day one.

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I relate to you situation. I had a very similar issue with my WW.

Becareful that any hint of how you got the info may send WW underground. She's going to be very curious about how you know about and she's going to change her MO. So you may lose that source if you aren't careful enough.

Addittionally, confronting her can easily turn into an LB fest. She'll deny it so there's not much to gain. BTDT.

I found that it was more effective to request WW to delete her IM and Facebook accounts. She'd ask me why and I'd just answer that I didn't feel safe with her using the same methods that were used to conduct the affair. You just re-stablish the EPs.

So your initial approach could be: "Honey, when you use Yahoo messenger or Fakebook it makes me unconfortable, how do you think we can solve this problem". The idea is to avoid acusing her. You just state that it brings confusion and hurts you to see her using IM.

Even though it was quite a challenge to get WW to agree to stop using Fakebook and Massenger, this strategy got better results than confronting her with info obtained from snooping.

--ElCamino72

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Originally Posted by jcb
Not only did she contact him, not only did she tell him she wants to start "chatting" again...she made up the entire story about me seeing the email....she told me....??!!

Want to pack up and get out NOW!

jcb, don't confront her just yet. First things first. Contact the OM's GF and give her the email. Then call up the OM and tell him to stay away from your wife and that you know what he did.

THEN, sit back and wait for all hell to break loose. Once your W finds out you know, tell her that IM has to come off her computer or it is time to separate. AND....tell your kids what she did.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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p.s. if your wife asks how you got the email, tell her that is "NUNYA."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
p.s. if your wife asks how you got the email, tell her that is "NUNYA."
What's that in foreign?


BW
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Think it is how they talk in Texas - none of your #### business.

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Is that the answer, believer, or don't you like me?


BW
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2 kids.
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LOL, that's the answer!!!!!!!! Really. That is how they talk in Texas. Went there once.

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grin


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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