Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Oh, gosh! of course Melody is one step ahead of me!! Must be a slow day; she is usually many steps ahead!!
Anyway, go get a photo!
she is 10 steps ahead of us! The PI is going over there tonight! That is even better!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Me: BW, 46 Him: WH, 48 EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09 D-day 7-29 NC 8-17 OW and WH both fired from jobs OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
higgs, lets put together your exposure list and get all your ducks in row. Would it be possible to take a day off this week for exposure? It needs to be done in one day to get the maximum effect.
Here is a good letter for you to use [modify as you see fit] to send out to OW's facebook friends:
Dear friend of Skankyhola,
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence. We have been married for XX years and have 3 children, aged 5,7, and 12. They are heartbroken about their fathers affair.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.
I am asking that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.
I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx. Thank you, BW
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
She has about 230 friends on facebook...where's the letter for that? How do I go about doing that? He says he needs rest for all the stress he has endured...please.
BS: 41 WS: 52 Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10 Dday on 4/27/10 Husband moved out 5/12/10 Plan B....5/21/10 DD 15 DS 11 DS 10 DS 7
higgs, did you tell me his parents had passed? Here is a good list of exposure targets:
1. employer 2. OW's facebook friends 3. the OW's parents 4. your H's sisters 5. any other close family and friends 6. your PASTOR 7. YOUR CHILDREN <----VERY IMPORTANT 8. your parents
Employer should be exposed to via LETTER with a cc on it. The cc is important because no one is tempted to deep six the letter. SEnd the letter certified to Human Resources and cc the Principal.
CALL the OW's parents, give them the facts and ask them to use their influence to persuade their daughter to leave your H alone. Let them know if this comes to divorce that you will be suing on grounds of adultery and will have the OW called into court to give testimony under oath.
One by one, call the other family members and friends and pastor. Tell them about the affair and ask for their advice.
WATCH OUT: If someone says "ok, I will keep this a secret!!" Tell them nonono!!! Affairs thrive on secrecy so that is the worst thing they can do!
Email the OW's facebook friends using the template letter I gave you.
Then sit down your children and tell them about their fathers adultery and with whom. give them the OW's FULL NAME so they will know who the enemy is.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
She has about 230 friends on facebook...where's the letter for that? How do I go about doing that? He says he needs rest for all the stress he has endured...please.
higgs, I posted the letter just a few posts back. Have you copied her facebook friends?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I've already taken a day off today for research and contacting PI. We hav TAKS this week, so very difficult to get away. Do I email each and everyone with this letter. Is there a way to mass email? What if some of her friends call me and threaten me or something?
BS: 41 WS: 52 Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10 Dday on 4/27/10 Husband moved out 5/12/10 Plan B....5/21/10 DD 15 DS 11 DS 10 DS 7
Ok, I'm going to try and focus my attention on these letters. Will I need to send message to all 286 friends? Then walk the letter to human resources and how should I deliver the one to principal? Take it to the school?
BS: 41 WS: 52 Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10 Dday on 4/27/10 Husband moved out 5/12/10 Plan B....5/21/10 DD 15 DS 11 DS 10 DS 7
Don't worry about what her friends do or say. What you want to do is expose this nasty adulterous affair to the light of day.
There is no way to mass email all her friends. You will have to go to each one's profile page, and click under their picture on the left to "Send XXX a message". Write the exposure letter in a text document first, highlight it, and copy it. Then, as you pull up each message box on Facebook, paste it, and send. That'll save you a lot of time.
I would send it to anyone who looks as if they might be a relative of hers...same last name, etc. Then, send it to as many others as you can. You may only be able to send a few at a time, because of Facebook's spam controls. In that case, wait a few minutes, and start sending them again.
In addition, if you have a Facebook page, you could post the same message as your status, which will take care of exposure to your friends on Facebook.
Last edited by Lady_Clueless; 04/26/1008:13 PM.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
I've already taken a day off today for research and contacting PI. We hav TAKS this week, so very difficult to get away. Do I email each and everyone with this letter. Is there a way to mass email? What if some of her friends call me and threaten me or something?
Tell them to have a nice day. You will get some nasty emails from her friends, but that is an EXPECTATION. You will also get some nice, supportive letters.
There is no way to mass email the letters, so I would pick out some that look important and get those done first and then work back wards from there.
You should get your phone calls done first and do the exposure at work first. For example, deliver the letters at school late in the day, come home and make your phone calls and then spend the evening sending facebook exposures. Do you have a close friend who can help you with facebook exposures?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
higgs, lets work on your letters and your exposure list, ok? Can you put together an exposure list?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
p.s. I would plan to do this the day AFTER you have some pictures from the PI. Get everything ready for that day.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
higgs, being that you are a nice, upstanding Texas gal, here is the message that should go to the OW and your H. Remember to be a lady!
buh-bye MrAffair!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
And if anyone actually threatens you from Facebook, you can forward the message to the administrators.
If anyone locally threatens you - such as phone calls - you can report it to law enforcement.
If the OW threatens you, you can file a Restraining Order or Protection Order (they are called differently in different areas). The forms are usually online.
Oh, and one more thing - print her photo off of Facebook to show your kids who she is when you tell them.
Me: BW, 46 Him: WH, 48 EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09 D-day 7-29 NC 8-17 OW and WH both fired from jobs OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
Oh, and one more thing - print her photo off of Facebook to show your kids who she is when you tell them.
GOOD IDEA!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Ok, got it...I'm getting those letters together. PI just called and said that he is there, but his truck was parked in the back yard. He said he was snooping around in the backyard and was going to look in the truck when he saw the bed down and my husband laying there on his back in the bed of the truck....weird. He said it looked as if she was having a party at her house. He said it scared the *&^% out of him, but he didn't see him.
He's going to go to the school tomorrow and she how he can do there, but then go wait at the house again in the afternoon.
BS: 41 WS: 52 Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10 Dday on 4/27/10 Husband moved out 5/12/10 Plan B....5/21/10 DD 15 DS 11 DS 10 DS 7
Don't worry about his being vengeful. He will be mad as all get-out, but he'll get over it. Your marriage can survive his anger, but it can't survive a continuing affair.
Your husband will tell you stuff like: "I was going to work on the marriage, but you ruined everything!" "I can't believe you would embarrass me like that!" blah, blah, blah...
Just smile and say, "I am doing what is best for our marriage. Do you want a cookie?"
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
That PI is awesome! The OW must be hiding the relationship for now, or he would be at the party. This is good - she probably doesn't want anyone to know she is seeing a married man. Planned to bring him around later as a divorced or divorcing man.
Unfortunately, that's not going to happen! Exposure is going to kill this relationship - if she isn't willing to risk it now, she sure won't stand beside him once it's all exposed at school.
He will tell you that garbage - or try to get you to agree that you won't snoop, or contact anyone. Better stock up on cookies!
Me: BW, 46 Him: WH, 48 EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09 D-day 7-29 NC 8-17 OW and WH both fired from jobs OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
t/j you know, I have been around for a few months and I have never heard a WS actually take the BS up on the cookie, chip or tea.....t/j over
I am glad that the PI is getting some stuff already. You will get your money's worth for sure. Listen to this GREAT advice and keep doing what you are doing.
![[Linked Image from clicksmilies.com]](http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/travesmilies/smilie_koffer.gif)
