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I've done it now. Everyone knows. Did you speak directly to Other Man's Wife? If they work together, did you contact H.R. Did you speak directly to her parents or did you E-Mail them? Did you ask all of these people for help in saving your marriage?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I exposed it to everyone. Her family, my family, our friends, her friends, and all the people at her work. His wife and all his family already know but I'll let his poor wife know what's happened too. I've heard from loads of people all very supportive. She knows she's been exposed, I told her afterwards. She was annoyed she wanted to do it her way (of course she'd say that) and she won't be coming back. I think it's over but I hope for the best. Either way I feel like a huge huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally talk to people about it. I realise now how much I really needed to do this! Thanks for telling me everyone!
(ME) BS - 32
(HER) WW - 32
Married 05/17/08
Together 13Yrs
no kids
D-Day - 03/03/10 (PA+EA)
FULL exposure 4/29/10
NC around OCT 2010
Recovery failing....
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I exposed it to everyone. Her family, my family, our friends, her friends, and all the people at her work. His wife and all his family already know but I'll let his poor wife know what's happened too. I've heard from loads of people all very supportive. She knows she's been exposed, I told her afterwards. She was annoyed she wanted to do it her way (of course she'd say that) and she won't be coming back. I think it's over but I hope for the best. Either way I feel like a huge huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally talk to people about it. I realise now how much I really needed to do this! Thanks for telling me everyone! Oh, she'll be back.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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You did the right thing. She will be back.
Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
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His wife and all his family already know but I'll let his poor wife know what's happened too. How do you know that? Did you talk to OM's wife? Directly to her?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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How do you know that?
Did you talk to OM's wife?
Directly to her? Hmm, I missed that. Yeah, Andy - that's critical. You need to talk to OMW yourself. Have you done that?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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The OM's wife contacted me when she found out. She also told all her family but not work. I kept it a secret a litttle while longer as she said she would break it off. She didn't so that's why I'm here I guess. My wife isn't coming home tonight. She's staying somewhere else. I'm not sure if it's with him as he is still at home. Gonna be a lonely night.
I have no way of contacting the OMs wife back, but if I find a way I'll tell her straight away.
(ME) BS - 32
(HER) WW - 32
Married 05/17/08
Together 13Yrs
no kids
D-Day - 03/03/10 (PA+EA)
FULL exposure 4/29/10
NC around OCT 2010
Recovery failing....
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Andy I've been following along a little and noticed you have had help and support from some heavy hitters. You did very well to follow their advice. It's unnerving, I know. I am so happy you've exposed. You won't regret it. You can live the rest of your life knowing you stood up to the beast of adultery. Great Work!
My wife stayed out that night, too. She came home about 2am.
Continue to follow the program and you will be fine.
Oh, and don't EVER apologize for exposing or doing anything to interrupt the AFFAIR. You know that, right? You have nothing to be sorry for and don't let anyone make you feel that way. The A would never have stopped without exposure. This is a fact.
Get ready for the fogtalk when she gets home "I was going to stay, but now I'm talking to my lawyer tomorrow, etc, etc."
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Yes, be prepared for VENOM.
Just ask her if she wants chips.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Way to step up. Now keep following the plan and be prepared for her reaction. Do not appologize. Remember, "I will do whatever it takes to save this marriage...want a cookie?"
Be patient, and work your plan.
-SOL
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Im guessing she wont be back for at least a week. The question is, do I tell her things like I'm missing her? Tell her that I want her to come back? She will think Im begging her back and smothering her, so perhaps I should wait for her to contact me? Anything I say will annoy her at this stage, so I'll just wait for her to contact me I guess and be ready to be real nice.
(ME) BS - 32
(HER) WW - 32
Married 05/17/08
Together 13Yrs
no kids
D-Day - 03/03/10 (PA+EA)
FULL exposure 4/29/10
NC around OCT 2010
Recovery failing....
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Per Mel yesterday: Plan B is not even on the distant horizon. Lets do some Plan A first, ok? Plan A is to expose the affair . So, Plan A is NO Relationship Talk. I suppose you could say there is a place for her at home, rather than "I miss you." See, with exposure, you've given your WW a reason to RESPECT you, which she desperately needed (although she might not appreciate it at this minute). Continue to command respect. And no LB's, meet her EN's when you can. If she's with OM things aren't going so well, be the beacon. Stay busy if she's out of the house. Clean it. Make it nice for when she comes home - it will be sooner than you think. Remember, she'll have to explain herself to EVERYONE she comes across. My wife said after exposure: "I had a dream I was drowning and water was coming from every direction" - that's why exposure is like a Tsunami. opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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Andy-Have you read Surviving an Affair yet? How about all of the free stuff on this site? What are your WW's ENs? What are the LBs you have been guilty of committing in the past? You can take this time to work on YOU. Plan A is about being the best husband you can be. You need to learn the concepts. Get reading. And yes, when she contacts you(which she will), you be pleasant as pie.
Have you read the carrot and stick of Plan A? Get to work, the hard part has just begun.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Oh! and my favorite line during the exposure period:
WW: How could you do that?
BS: "I was just spreading the good news!!"
then of course, "we should watch Big Bang Theory tonight"...
ohh, I just love that.
good luck Andy, you're going to be fine.
Opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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I have no way of contacting the OMs wife back, but if I find a way I'll tell her straight away. andy, I would find her and compare notes TODAY. You need to be in constant contact with her so you can work together to kill this affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Im guessing she wont be back for at least a week. The question is, do I tell her things like I'm missing her? Tell her that I want her to come back? She will think Im begging her back and smothering her, so perhaps I should wait for her to contact me? Anything I say will annoy her at this stage, so I'll just wait for her to contact me I guess and be ready to be real nice. I would ask to know where she is and what she is doing. Don't ply her with phony platitudes when she is off having fun with the OM. Get ahold of the OMW ASAP and find out if she is off with the OM. If she is, then expose the heck out of the affair. Tell your kids where she is. Go meet up with the OM and have a chat with him. Cause as much conflict in the affair as you can, Andy. Here is what it will take: here
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Managed to get an email and send to OMW but she hasn't seen much of him in last 2 weeks. Trying to find out more and get to speak to her but pretty sure he's living on his own now. That's what my wife said too. Despite everything I desperately miss her. It's so hard without her she is all I want. I'm trying to play cool and text/call her less than I want to. She's suggested meeting Monday to chat about stuff but not at home. Should I play it cool? Telling er I want her back just sounds like a LB begging. She shows no sign of wanting to put things right at all. Everyone has sided with me even her own family so I think she's finding it hard but I just want to help her get through it and have her back. She won't let me. So so hard.
(ME) BS - 32
(HER) WW - 32
Married 05/17/08
Together 13Yrs
no kids
D-Day - 03/03/10 (PA+EA)
FULL exposure 4/29/10
NC around OCT 2010
Recovery failing....
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Andy, where is your wife? If she is off with the OM, I would be going there to confront them. Does the OMW know where they are?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just found out she's at his brothers house, both of them. I have no
idea where that is. I can only try and pursuade her to leave. OMW is quite pissed off about it. She might go back to the flat but only if I'm not there. It's hgood cos she won't be with him but bad cos I won't be there. She would never take him there because of what might happen if I meet him.
(ME) BS - 32
(HER) WW - 32
Married 05/17/08
Together 13Yrs
no kids
D-Day - 03/03/10 (PA+EA)
FULL exposure 4/29/10
NC around OCT 2010
Recovery failing....
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Andy, are you ready to expose them?
Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
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