Here is my plan A and B

A - I will do as she requestes tonight and tommrow is a day of just us and the kids, this is where I will ask her to stay away from him for a week or two as of rigth now so she can fugre out what she wants. I have acounler set up with an appoinment and I will ask her to come with so we can work this out. If she fights and says no I will kindly acept that and I will move to plan B

B - Have papers served to her so I can protect the kids and my self from her ( the one that is spinning out of control of her life.) Once that is complete I will wait intill she comes back if she does. Then we will be going to a marrage retreat or something along that line.

Any one is this a good idea ?

Befaithful, nobody here who is happy is so because WS came back to M. They are happy because they learned to find happiness regarless of their marriage situation.
WS will lie to you. My WH went as far as telling me that our M was arranged. Of course it was not! We both come from a culture where that does not happen...but this example gives you the extent of the stories they tell themselves so they can continue the A.
ALSO telling someone who you shared years of marriage with that you do not love him/her and never did is the most cruel thing one can do. Cruel. SO this too gives you another clue about who you are dealing with now. This woman is no longer the woman you married. She is someone else now and you have to believe zero of what she said and will say.
blessing

The part that gets me the most is I LOVE HER SO MUCH !!! I don't want to hurt her. Yes, I know she is kicking the living ______ out of me on the inside. But I look at her and all my anger goes away. When I'm way from her I'm just boiling. I don't know if I'm making rasional desisions or not I'm tired and A reck

You have to take care of yourself. Sleep? Do you sleep enough hours? If not you need to take a sleeping aid.
Do you eat well? If not do so and force yourself to do it. Buy a multivitamin and take it every day.
Stay away from caffeine and sodas and sugary stuff.
Also, you can be happy without your wife. You can. Sometimes for us BS who are faced with WS who will not give up the A it is a matter to answer this simple question:
Do I want to be happy or do I want to be with my WS?
Because, hon, as she is now I guarantee to you she will not foster happiness in your life.
blessing

No I have not been eating well I have lost to much weight in a little time. Food There are time I can not keep it down. I'm blinded by love I'm sure of it. But my heart is guiding me and not my brain.

Befaithful, the surge or love you are feeling for you WW is normal. It happens when things are taken away from us. Then more than ever we want them.
I know this is a silly analogy but really our ego works the same way in every case. Remember when you were little and you had lots of toys included those you took for granted and that you no longer played much with. Well what happened when a friend came to your house and started playing with one of your negletted toys. You all of a sudden wanted it back so bad and will try to take it away from your friend who will, in turn, not reliquish it. All of a sudden your interest for that one toy became a 1,0000% greater. Not to say that you did not love your WW before the A, but I maybe not to the extent you want her now.
blessing

I agree with what atena has said to you fully. The surge of love you are feeling for your ws is also the fear of change. Nothing will ever be the same again. You loved your life the way it was. You had a wife, kids everything you ever wanted. All of a sudden with no fault of your own it is being torn away from you. If anybody but your W was to treat you this way would you allow it? If a good friend came to you and told you he was going through what you are now living with what would your advice be?

Such a good thing you are going to counseling. You need to get ahold of your feelings.

One more peice of advice unless she gets help for the reasons she is having this affair even if you work it out and she decides she wants the family chances are it will happen again. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER DOES SPEAK SOME TRUTH.

What Jilly is saying is so true. YOu WW needs to find the reason why she resorts to cheating when the going gets hard in the M. Cheating is a sick solution to a problem or to a lack of needs being met in a M. It is temporary solution but it is a sick choice. In other words...you have to be pretty broken and messed up to decide to open your heart to a complete stranger when you have a spouse and children at home who trust you and love you.
Your wife will cheat again if she does not take care of what makes her a cheater. My WH cheated again only 3 years after his first A when he refused to go to MC or counseling. Those 3 years in between A I was walking on eggshells and then the second A came and I was walking on thin ice. So I went thru he77 for 5 years now. Doing better, but only recently.
Take very good care of yourself!
blessing

BF,

NO, this is NOT a good idea and NO this is NOT what Plans A & B are. Please read the articles here and get up to speed on the plans and their elements ASAP.

Plan A is twofold:

The �carrot� is to cease all lovebusters (LBs) and do your best to meet her key emotional needs (ENs). You do this in a loving but strong way (don�t be a doormat, don�t beg & plead, don�t let her walk on you.) Just try to sincerely show her the type of man and marriage she once had (before the �problems� or disconnection) and can have again, if she chooses. You can�t force her to accept it and do not expect her to suddenly be swept away and reciprocate. You are merely trying to plant a positive seed in her mind and incentivize her to see her marriage as more worthwhile than her affair.

The �stick� is what you do dis-incentivize the affair. The affair MUST END BEFORE she can even start to think about recovery (R). You must be FIRM here (you love her, you want to work TOGETHER on improving your marriage, but her affair is unacceptable and you will not be her �backup man�). Cut off any and all financial support for her affair. If she is using joint credit cards or bank accounts to fund her activities with OM, then CANCEL them. You can�t stop her from doing what she chooses, but there is NO WAY that your (or comingled) funds should be paying for it. Most importantly, snoop, get the info, and EXPOSE to everyone on both her and OM�s side WITHOUT WARNING & ALL AT ONCE. She�ll be pissed�ignore it. The stick is the single best weapon you have to end the affair � you need one of them (usually the OM) to dump the other one ASAP.

Plan B is what you do when you still want R but Plan A has not broken up the affair:

Plan B means sending her and her family/friends a Plan B letter (PBL). Examples are here. The PBL is a loving but firm written notice that lays out your boundaries and basically says: �I love WW and want us to restore our marriage together in a way that better meets each other�s ENs. However, this is not possible currently as WW has continued her ongoing affair with OM. I must remove myself from this situation completely until the affair ends. Please do not attempt to contact me, and know that I will not contact you, until WW & OM have permanently ended their relationship. Respectfully, BF.� Then go completely DARK on her. No contact at all either way. Designate an intermediary you trust to handle child-care communications. Stay DARK until she truly ends the affair once and for all.

Here is what is wrong with what you proposed above:

A: Firstly, it sounds like you are trying to coddle her about the affair. You are setting the bar WAY too low. All you are asking is for her to �please don�t see the OM for a week or two, then you can figure out what you want and do whatever�. She will see you as a supplicating doormat who is willing to accept whatever relationship scraps she gives you in a sloppy-seconds format. She will walk all over you for being so weak. DO THE CARROT & THE STICK and make it clear that you will not settle for a ongoing affair-triangle. Secondly, DO NOT GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING WITH AN ACTIVE CHEATING SPOUSE EVER! Go to individual counseling for you only to make yourself stronger and more self-confident (which is ATTRACTIVE). MC with an active-WS is a waste of time until they have repudiated the OP. Your WW probably won�t go anyway and, if she did, she will turn it into a �lie-and-deny, blame-everything-on-my-BH-so-I-don�t-have-to-face-my-adultery� farce. Trust me�don�t put yourself there! MC is for LATER�i.e. AFTER the affair is OVER.

B: It sounds like you are confusing Plan B with Plan D (divorce). Don�t file for divorce unless you want to! You are handing her a get-outta-marriage-free-card if you do. Protecting yourself, your kids, and your financial well-being via a legal separation agreement (LSA) is fine and good in Plan B. Don�t file for D as a �bluff� to scare her�she will probably call your bluff and not ever take you seriously again if you back down. Plan D is NOT a marital recovery-plan�it�s either a personal protection plan if all the above fails or a perfectly acceptable personal choice if you don�t want to attempt R.

Please read up here and read �Surviving An Affair� right away�

BF,

Did you read any of the stuff I linked?