oh no, she is still on there! She just has you blocked.

So can you hide yourself on fb, so no one can search for you?

You sure can. That is called being 'blocked'. My WW has blocked me so I can't see her at all. Very strange.

You can hide yourself from certain people, so they cannot see you, yes.


On another note, let me tell you that when YOU aren't in the teacher's lunchroom, those gossipers are saying stuff like:

"If I found out my H was doing that, I hope I would have the nerve to do what SHE did!"

"That higgs is incredible! She has a set of brass ones to do that."

"If I caught another woman with my man, I would do the same thing, maybe worse. I'm with higgs."


You know, only the OW's friends are "stuck" having to defend her behavior. Trust me - they are in the MINORITY. The majority of the people are cheering you on, because they themselves wish they had the strength to stand up and defend themselves and their marriages - no holds barred - in the face of today's society.

As for your administrators, if they call you in and tell you to "keep quiet", you answer them this way:

"I have not, and will not, discuss my marriage with people during school time, nor will I utilize school resources to do so. I have exposed an extramarital affair, which does include inappropriate relations between two school employees - neither of which, by the way, is ME. This affair directly impacts my marriage, and I do intend to defend my marriage. I have not and will not involve the district except to the extent that it might require notification of HR regarding possible sexual harrassment issues, as policy dictates. Other than that, the district should not be involved in my personal business, and at this time I would request that you seek no further information from me regarding this matter unless it is in regard to a personnel action in a formal sense. Is this a formal action?"

If the answer from the principal is "NO", thank her kindly for her understanding, and also for seeing your need for sensitivity. Tell her that you realize the rumor mill is churning, but the exposure was necessary for the defense of the marriage, you did it outside of school hours, and any activity then and in the future will continue to be done in this manner.

And leave it there.


They have no business interfering with you.

Actually, they are attempting to get you to be quiet in order to stop the GOSSIP - that is all.

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY ALREADY KNEW ABOUT THE AFFAIR - LONG BEFORE YOU DID - AND DID NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. NOW, THEY ARE COVERING THEIR BUTTS.

The gossip has gotten to the top - and the top wants something done, they asked, and the principals are holding the bag for not stopping the teachers from carrying on the inappropriate relationship -

so YOU are blameworthy.


Plain and simple.


You are the easiest one to SHUT UP.


Don't worry too much about this. Just tell them where you stand, and that they need to

STAND BACK.

It will shock the crap out of them.


SB

KUDOS SB. ITA.

Thanks Schoolbus,

I needed that!!!! When I talked to my husband tonight, I asked him his plan now that the funeral was over? He said, "I don't know; I'm not sure....why don't you call your PI or principal" (He used his principal's name....whom he hates.)

My husband's principal said that they will conduct an investigation for immoral terpitude or something like that. Apparently, they took the same days off.

Higgs, we are all so proud of you. You did it correctly, you did it well, and you did it fast!

They will probably get some sort of discipline from the district if they did take days off and lie about their whereabouts, or do anything at school or doing school hours. The union will get involved, mostly to protect them. Don't worry.

These actions are the consequences of what THEY did, not what YOU did. Affairs cause nasty consequences at work, at home, with family and friends. They are wrong, and those who have them need to face the reality of what they did - and let the reality replace the ridiculous fantasy they had of what it was.

It was disgusting, and dark, and seedy. It was wrong and hurtful and ugly. They are going to have to face it, and deal with it.

It isn't YOUR fault. You did what was needed to save your marriage and family. You did what your H needed to prevent him from making the worst mistake of his life.

I know it had to be done. I wish some of you really knew me; this whole exposure thing is completely out of my character and that's why it has been so hard. I'm a people pleaser...maybe not always in my marriage....but in every other way.

I think that is why this was so shocking to husband....I'm so passive even if I did find out; I would just divorce or whatever. Many of my co-workers have said, "you?" "you, did that?"

My goal today is to work on the tile that I haven't finished. I began a project laying ceramic title in dining room and never finished it. I'm going to continue to work on it a little at a time. Maybe I can get the whole entry hall finished this weekend. I so want my mom to come visit, but I feel it would be a bad time. I don't want to give him an excuse to stay away and that would do it.

You are STORNGER than you or anyone else ever thought. You are fighting for your marriage and doing the right thing. That is GREAT.

Good work finishing the things around the house.

IF you need your Mom's support at this time, why not call her? Why would you WH not want to be around your Mom? Do they usually have problems or do you think he would be uncomfortable because of his affair?

I don't doubt for a moment that this is out of character for you... it is out of character for almost everyone, I think. I myself wrestled with the decision of sending exposure letters to my H's jobs, I KNEW it had to be done, but it was darned hard to do.

Do you have any idea when WH will be returning home?

Before he comes home, be sure to hide all your evidence in a safe place that he can't find. A trusted friend or family member's house would be best. After exposure, my H searched through the whole house, my purse, my office, etc. (leaving a gigantic mess for me to clean up!) searching for my "evidence" even all the while still denying the A. Fortunately I had stashed it all at my sister's house. Also make sure you clear all browsing history, etc. on your computer so he doesn't find this website.

What I told H whenever he demanded to see my evidence: "I will not reveal anything until I feel safe in my M." I still haven't shown him, but he hasn't asked for it in months.

You're doing a good job so far!

I don't know when he will be home. This whole funeral has given him a reason to stay away. I'm guessing by tomorrow, but he won't talk to me much except to say mean things.

He doesn't really have a bad relationship with my mom, but yes, I think the affair would make him feel stressed in front of her. I don't want him to dart out again. I can't meet EN while he is gone.

Not a good time for your mom to come. Yes you need to focus on him not moving out. Once they are out it is much harder to get them back home He is angry, again, a good sign.
blessing

higgs,

Just start working on and keep focusing on your Plan A.

Don't get distracted from that Plan A by thinking about the worries of what OW is doing, what your WH is doing when he isn't with you, what your WH husband's reactions or actions might or might not be.

You control only ONE PERSON in this marriage - that is YOU.

As long as you think carefully about your actions, work a plan, and control what you are doing thoughtfully, you will do fine.

Make your mission to be THINKING about how you are reacting to this situation, and make your reactions as planned as possible.

While this is very difficult to do, the more you do it, the easier it will become, and the better you will feel emotionally.

As he comes at you with his anger, if you are thinking beforehand about the fact that he WILL BE COMING WITH IT, you will be ready and prepared to react. Your reaction will be better - and you will have reacted according to PLAN. With that success under your belt, the next step will feel easier (not that it will BE easier, but you will feel stronger about your skill set).

Because you are learning skills by reading the MB plans, and you are working the plans, you are learning what to expect, how to react, what to say. You are one step AHEAD OF HIM. If you read and stay ahead of him - in the sense that you can have at least some idea of how affairs tend to play out (the "script" as we like to call it), you can at least have an idea of what is likely to happen next.

You can watch for things - you can at least know what you are looking for. The risk of being totally and completely blindsided is at least reduced to some degree, just by reading and educating yourself here. I hope that gives you some measure of comfort.


Now that exposure is done, and he is angry, he is likely to brood for awhile. He will continue to deny the affair for awhile, at least until the evidence mounts to a point where he can no longer lie in the face of it. Because the district has the evidence of their having taken days off together, you now have that to add to the arsenal.

You have the PI information.

You have what the OW has said.


When he comes home, your approach should be that you "already know the affair took place" and his denial is ridiculous. The issue now for him should be that you are willing to forgive the affair, work on fixing the marriage and rebuilding - but that can ONLY happen with Radical Honesty between the two of you.

Ask him for Radical Honesty in a CALM and QUIET manner.

Sit and wait while he rages. Stick with the mantra that the marriage can be rebuilt, and you believe in him. That the foundation of RH can help getting you two the marriage you BOTH want.

And then, no matter what he says - YOU MUST LISTEN WITH AN OPEN HEART, DO NOT REACT ANGRILY, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN,

and when he is done, tell him you love him and that you must take some time to digest it.

Do NOT argue with him. Do NOT beg, do not justify, do not disagree.

Whether he confesses the affair or not, let him just say what he has to say.

If he confesses, we can help you. If not, we can still help.

At some point, there needs to be some movement on his side, and your Plan A is to help him feel safe to tell you his "side". Listening to his side is part of that - and the more "open" you seem to him, the better this can play out for you. Just hear what he has to say, for now. Your turn comes later.

That is frustrating, yes. But for now it is what has to be done in order to get the process going

IMHO.

SB

In speaking to higgs on the phone, I am convinced that her H has meeting up with the OW at his camper at a lake. He suddenly started going to this lake alot in recent months.

He has not come home yet from the funeral [he is supposedly with his sisters] but when he called it sounded like he was at the lake. So, I have sent her off to see if the OW's car is at her home. If not, she is going to the lake to find him.

Well, it is possible she closed her account but I'm guessing that, rather, she just blocked you instead (made it so that "YOU", specifically, cannot find her). However, even if she "did" close her account, she could very well have just re-opened a new one, possibly under an "assumed" name (nickname, middle name...that type of thing). You may still be able to find out for sure by snooping through that list of friends of hers that you have printed off, though, as she may still be on "their" friends lists for you to see (depending on how "they" have their own privacy settings set because they, too, may now have you blocked). Either way, I'm still thinking she probably just has you blocked because, oh yes, she is getting scared of you and of what you are willing to do to save your marriage (the big ol' chicken, lol).

Maybe not, but you most certainly can have some of them "met" by the time he gets home. Of course, I myself don't know what your H's EN's are but, if they have anything to do with a clean house and a good looking W, you can work on stuff like that while he is away. Get the house spotless, cook some great food, take awesomely-wicked good care of yourself and, when he walks back in through the door, let him see you for the HOT-TAMALE you really are! Besides, you need to take care of yourself, too, higgs, if just to make yourself feel better and keep yourself sane through this whole process. So far, I will say that you are doing a SUPER job.

Absolutely correct.

If anyone can do this, higgs, it's YOU!!!

(((HUGS)))

isn't that a little dangerous? What if he has a gun? Or if OW does?
blessing

No, I don't think so. She already confronted them at the OW's house and was able to control herself.

Ok, that's good.
I guess she will have to find out what is going on and catching them together is the best way. He is very sneaky but it seems quite obvious he is with her....
blessing

Agree...