I suspect one reason exposure works is that even if the people who hear about the adultery don't want to exert pressure to stop it, now that they know about it many of the things they will do will exert natural pressure. Many of them will treat the wayward differently. Some will gossip. It all adds up to an environment more toxic to the affair, even if no official action is taken.

But I'm with Mulan; it looks like lots of workplaces would be happy to have you teambuild after hours with members of the opposite sex. I had to say no to a morale boosting program here not long ago because it wasn't gender segregated and was encouraging closer relationships.

If anything, this thread may help some BS's expose in the workplace by removing the fact that their WS will be fired. It really didn't bother me if WH got fired because the way I looked at it, it he ever came back, he would have to quit anyways.

Good point Scottie!

It is entirely within their interests to keep the outside world completely on the outside. That includes spouses. At many of these places, spouses simply do not exist and the companies and their employees behave accordingly. It's the height of disrespect, but it is very, very common.

I guess I was one of the lucky ones. Whatever lucky means these days. It sure doesn't mean what it used to!

My WH and the OW both are fired. They worked at a college and used state time and resources for the A. The OW took sexual photos in her office.

Still, when I exposed, she claimed harassment. Big time. Thought she would get him fired and go on. They both got fired. He got a settlement, she didn't.

I am ok with him not working there, because I would have insisted he quit anyway and now he has a settlement and unemployment. She also just got divorced by her BS, who is getting custody of their preschooler because of the OW's sexually explicit websites, etc.

So, I feel lucky that she is jobless, marriageless, and a cute little boy will be raised by his responsible daddy instead of her.

This is just sick. What is the world coming to?

Well, most everybody else in the office falls into one of these two categories:

1) They're in Management and therefore It's None of Their Concern. As long as the adulterous employees are still making money for the Company and not causing a problem *for the Company*, Management will look the other way and say they don't get involved in their employees' personal lives (except for dating them, of course.)

The real reason Management doesn't put a stop to it is because that would mess up the high school dating culture that is of so much benefit to the Company.

2) They are hourly employees who have no power at all.

If these hourly employees do have some kind of conscience and do object to adulterous behaviour in the workplace, they will be deemed Not A Team Player and be at the bottom of the list for promotions and perks. These employees either hold their noses and look the other way, or they leave and go to work somewhere else where it doesn't stink quite so bad.

If these hourly employees are of the same mindset as the cheaters, they will look for opportunities to do the same and be very happy with their choice of workplace so no problem there.

Rocking the boat takes a lot of courage. Now that all of us here at MB know what really happens to families when people engage in the harmless fun of a little cheating, maybe we can break that cycle of silence that protects those who abuse and destroy their own families.

Workplaces will be put on notice that spouses and ex-spouses will no longer be humiliated into protecting their nasty little secrets. Not for one more day.

Even churches are not immune from this problem. When any Organization - a corporation, a school, a church, the military - gets large enough to have its own identity and starts to benefit from employees ignoring their families to spend more time at The Organization, you are going to have this problem. The Organization has no reason whatsoever to be supportive of employee's families, so they aren't.

It's money that matters. And the more the employees ignore their own families and make The Organization their "real" family, the more money they can make for The Organization.

The more money they make for The Organization, the more they are rewarded by The Organization. While gee, for some reason their family is unhappy and complaining and isn't nearly as much fun as The Organization.

If an employee ends up divorced, hey, no problem. Now they can *really* devote themselves to The Organization! How wonderful that it was there when the employee needed them most . . .

You can't tell me these outfits don't know exactly what they're doing.

X2!

My career was spent with several large corporations, so I can only agree with everything you said.

When I had my own company I made SURE that spouses and family were invited to every event possible. They were invited to out-of-town events, too.

And don't even get me going about the Churches, especially the musical groups, perfectly setting the table for Affairs

I'm mad too, Mulan!

Wow, I was unaware of this.

I work for a fairly large international firm, but we are privately traded.

I have worked here for over a decade and to my knowledge there has never been an affair in my office. If there was, and it was reported, I assure you that H.R. would have there nose in it in a matter of days.

However, it seems this is a rarity.
Thats very sad.

The above post details why exposure is so necessary and how it works, no matter what the outcome. I can assure you that NOT EXPOSING is always way worse than giving exposure a shot. The initial line (emphasis mine) explains where exposure is most likely to be effective. Of course, a BS should always expose EVERYWHERE because he/she has no idea in advance who can/will �exert influence over the waywards� and who can�t/won�t.

With regard to the workplace (my xWW�s affair was in the work setting), its effectiveness depends on a few factors, like it does with every other potential target. If exposure threatens an affairee�s position, reputation, or career prospects, it will probably be helpful. If not, then probably not. If exposure results in social isolation/ostraciziation from colleagues/fellow co-workers, it will likely be helpful. If everyone already knows, is gossiping about �her & him�, and has already been duped by cover-stories, then likely it�s going to have little effect. As you can guess, in my situation the workplace was a den of iniquity in which the affair was widely known, accepted, and not frowned upon by the company�s owner (who was in fact an accomplice, at the very least).

The same scenarios apply to friends and family of the affairees. If nothing valued can be threatened, then all the BS is left with is the psychological pressure of the waywards �knowing that others know they have been exposed by their spouse(s)�. If they have pre-enacted their respective cover-stories, which often involve �the marriage(s) are ending/over anyway�, exposure is likely to be minimally effective.

This is why early and rapid info-gathering and nuclear exposure are best by far. Unfortunately, many BSs, myself included, �drink their WS�s Kool-Aid� for far too long and are intimidated out of exposing even after they know by the WS�s threats and misplaced/self-serving /faux �righteous indignation�.

Don't get me wrong - if your spouse is having a workplace affair, you absolutely MUST expose it to the workplace.

Just don't expect too much. They may work at a place that does object to such behaviour and one or both of the affairees may be fired. But most of the time, you can be sure that everybody in the workplace already knows about it and probably knew long before you did. In that case, exposure will have the effect of letting them know that You Know that They Know. That can take a lot of the fun out of it for everyone.

And we have to mention the dreaded Sexual Harassment Suit. You must understand: Sexual Harassment is only covered under UNWANTED attention. If the two of them have been seen happily leaving the building alone together and taking road trips together, and the company email shows their way way way too friendly messages to each other (and it will) then the attention was clearly NOT unwanted and there is NO grounds for a Sexual Harassment Suit.

Suing for Sexual Harassment is meant for girls who get hit on by loser guys in the office and want them to go away and have NEVER been interested in them.

And how do I know these things? At my XWH's company, do you know who was in charge is dealing with any Sexual Harassment Suits for a long time? HE WAS!!! How much sympathy do you think any Betrayed Spouse would get from him?

So, the point is: By all means DO expose to the workplace, but don't be afraid of causing trouble. They may very well ignore you, and even if there is trouble you did not cause it - the cheaters caused it with their actions.

It should be emphasized that workplace exposure is not a failure if they don't FIRE the affairees. Just putting them in a position to explain their unprofessional workplace behavior to their supervisors and the director of Human Resources is often enough to scare the affairees. The affairees then know that others are watching them and their reputation has been greatly diminished.

And when word gets out, the cheaters are treated like pariahs anyway. It ruins the affair at work because affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure ruins their fun. It is no fun to be bad when everyone is watching!

At my current and last company, we terminate workplace adulterers. At my last company they escorted a Vice President off the premises with an armed security guard.

I found out just this morning that one of sales reps is being fired at the end of the week for an affair with a female manager. She will be next in line, I am sure. Their reputations are ruined here. And in this business everyone knows everything. They will be ruined in this industry because hiring managers are loathe to hire liars and cheaters. And other companies will find out when they call employees and ask what happened. Just because HR won't tell doesn't mean the rest of us won't! Cheaters are loose cannons; about as unprofessional as you can get.

AT my last company, our Region VP was having an affair with a sales rep. I was a manager at the time. The VP and the sales rep flew up to my unit and he asked me to work with her for a day and evaluate her skills because he wanted to promote her. At dinner that night, they were awful flirty, I thought, but I just dismissed it.

Little did I realize that this VP was using ME to give him cover to promote this skankho. He asked me to write up an evaluation about my opinion about her suitability, which I did. He promoted her on that basis.

A few months later, this VP's wife called up every manager's phone in our office and told us her H was having an affair with that sales rep. All of us had a voice mail about the affair. One of us forwarded the vm to the Director of Human Resources in Chicago. He flew out the next day and fired them both.

This is a Fortune 500 company, btw. I work for a different Fortune 500 company today and we fire cheaters here too.

I haven't read much on here lately about the "Karma Bus." Here's a little tale that shows how the things we do today (expose) can work a ways down the road...

Following the guidance I received here, I went "full nuclear" on exposing WW and OM, including letters to his HR department with a cc: to Corporate Counsel.

I did not expect positive results. This is the same OM whose BW stormed into the office building during one of his earlier affairs and caused such a scene that she was escorted out of the building and banned from returning!

OM works for one of those "non-government organizations" that nevertheless require employees to hold clearances and such. Pretty secure work, if you can get it.

Two months ago it was announced that the entire company was moving its headquarters and operating facilities to another site, across town. Some employees would not be making the trip.

Guess who was one of them?

Now I can't prove that his behavior had anything to do with the company's choice to not include him in their future plans, but it comforts me to think that it did.

Bump.