Joey, does your OW post here?

I am reserving my praise for some real praiseworthy BEHAVIOR. I have not seen that yet. As we say in Texas, talk is cheap.

joey, putting off telling the BH just increases the opportunities for a resumption of an affair and increases the risk you give into your addiction and change your mind. Justice delayed is justice denied.

How about putting some ACTION behind all these nice words? Lets see how sincere you really are about doing the right thing.

J6:

You have gotten the good advice.

You know what you gotta do.

Your OW isn't leaving the company. She isn't going anywhere, she smells your cold feet.

Your supposed to respond: "Don't GO!, how will we talk!"

But you didn't.

And your HERE at MB.

Getting good advice.

I had an A with a MOW that went on for 4.5 years. It started with the "just friends" and "chatting" and then it went full blown PA.

I practically killed my BW while all this was going on.

Probably the same reason that your M went down the tubes....

But you STILL do not recognize this. And until you are out from under the spell of this OW, and maybe learned alot more about relationships here at MB, you never will recognize it.

But if you do, If you DO start to recognize the flaws in yourself that allowed you to fall into this EA, then, destroy your M, and continue to tamper with this other M, you will continue on this course of self destruction.

Your 28 years old. You can fix this. The flaws that led to my affair were there LONG before the A started. If it wasn't this OW, it was going to be another. Finding this site before Dday changed that person. It has been a LONG HARD climb out of the slime. The slime that actually looked pretty good when you are in it. It not until you are well away from the slime, that you recognize it for what it is.

Your tied at the hip with this woman. You work with her, and will continue to do so. No where in this thread have you said that YOU will leave YOUR job. She's not leaving hers. So it is ALL UP TO YOU.

Come into the light. Climb out of the slime.

It really is better.

LG

As far as I know she does not post here. Something I failed to mention (which I guess gives me hope, or maybe false hope) is her Brother is very supportive of us. She is very close with her Brother and has told him a lot about us. I've never met him, but I have sent him messages on Facebook. This was about a month ago. I basically told him I care a lot about his Sister and I hope he doesn't think bad of me. His response was he supports us and knows she isn't happy and has heard a lot of great things about me. Her parents know I exist. They don't know the extent of us, but they know she has feelings for me. I know, just makes the whole thing even that more messed up when family is supporting her. I know this will open me up to more criticizing, but I want to be as honest with all of you as I can.

Since I'm being honest, I will tell you that I really want to do something soon, just don't know if I can or if I'm ready for that yet. Every single one of you that has posted has said I need to tell him today, the sooner the better. I wish I could do that. I am still waffling back and forth. One minute I get this hope built up in my mind that she will leave him and we'll start this fantastic life together. The next minute I start to feel like garbage again and want to pick up the phone and call him. I know my waffling will anger all of you, but again I'm just telling the truth and being honest.

Another common thing I've read is, "Why do you want to be with someone who has cheated and will cheat on you"? The answer to that is I don't know. I guess I'm just very foggy now and I'm not thinking completly rationally.

I feel like I'm taking a step forward towards ending this, then taking three steps back. I'm trying to get there, I promise. My mind is all over the place. Melody is right not to praise me. I don't deserve any praise for anything I've done. I know have talked a lot and not taken any action. I've been thinking about doing something for a long time now. Yesterday was when I really got to the point where I felt something had to be done soon, which is why I posted here. Please criticize me all you want. I can handle it. Maybe more of that will get something through this thick head of mine.

You are just making excuses (her family liking you and that you are not ready to do anything to break up with her now).

No good will come out of it.

The further you go into the future with her.....the less likely you will be truly happy. Each moment with her adds to the fog and the fallout you will eventually need to face once the fogs clears and some day....it probably will. It it didn't, it would not change the reality of it. You and she are involved and should not be. Put your energy into a truly beautiful, loving, kind and fulfilling relationship what isn't built on this cruel foundation.

Okay. Is the tail you're getting worth your self respect? Can you look in the mirror in the morning and feel good about yourself? Would your parents be proud of you?

End it. Tell the BH what you've been doing, as well as about her enabling brother and family. Be man enough to give another man the truth about what's going on in his life, and stop picking at his leavings like a jackal.

I see glimmers of hope for you, but like ML said, you need to take action instead of going wobbly. Trust me, the momentary pain, discomfort, and shame of ending it and confessing to the BH is a lot better than the endless limbo you're in right now.

Do you know what this smiley face is called?

Just do it already. Rip the bandaid off.

Since you "think" you know how her family feels about you, why don't you tell YOUR family about your "relationship"? Let's see how "accepting" they are.

What her family thinks of you is immaterial. What YOU think of you is critical. How do you feel about the face that looks back at you in the mirror? Are you proud of that person? I suspect the answer is 'not completely' and I suspect it's because of the A. Otherwise you wouldn't be on here, using the posting title you used.

Somewhere deep inside you are the morals that used to guide you. You managed to squash those morals in order to get what you thought would be good for you (a good example of rotten thinking). You temporarily derailed yourself. Do you think you would feel better if she left her husband to be with you? Do you think it would make it right and you could look at yourself with pride every morning? I don't think so. If you do, then why haven't you called him and told him who you are, loud and proud?

It also isn't important what we think of you, joey. But yeah, you're going to get the gamut, here, from people who despise what you represent to people who are totally neutral and who want to pull you off the track of the train that is bearing down on you. Why? Because we know you? No. Because it'll affect our lives one way or another? No. We're doing it because we know where you are and where you are going to be if you continued your course unchecked. We don't want to see that train wreck if we can help it, because we are all survivors, either betrayed or betrayer, who would never wish that on another soul.

Your golden opportunity is staring you in the face, joey. Whatrya gonna do?

Do you like facts and statistics Joey?

Most men do, I do.

Have you ever researched the percentage of relationships that start out as affairs that reach marriage? Or how about that reach a 5yr Marriage anniversary? How about 10yrs?

You really should, but I'll give you a hint. The 10yr mark is so low, that your more likely to win the lottery than make the 10yr Affariage Mark.

Joey, I'm getting the sense you came here hoping for different advice, maybe that it's okay and that love conquers all, so go ahead and stay with this woman. You don't seem ready to take action. You don't even seem to really WANT to take action. You're just "talking" about it.

Man up. End it.

And if you don't want to, then stop wasting time here asking for people's help. Live with the consequences.

Melody Lane,
I stand by my opinion. He was asking advice, and sticking to that would have been helpful rather than tearing him down. He's admitted his wrong and it's fine to help him see how encompassing his wrongs were and what the affects were, but to just attack him isn't helpful. Jim's post was edifying, it gave him something constructive to do.

Niiiiiiiiice, so she comes from a family of adultery supporters.

And if you continue this relationsh*t I am sure he will be just as supporter of her NEXT affair.

You're foggy as all get-out, and yet a small part of you still sees that what you're doing is wrong. If you don't listen to that small part, the fog will only get thicker. It will poison every part of your life.

It doesn't matter how many sick, unhealthy, weak people like her brother buy into the happycrap of "just follow your heart". It's wrong, straight up, with you right there in the thick of it. The fog won't really start to clear till you make concrete steps to extricate yourself from this adulterous mess.

Make the call.

He hasn't been attacked in the least. He is the ATTACKER to a BH whom he refuses to stop attacking.

There is a BH on here right now. igrip is his screen name and he just discovered through e-mails his wife's affair. Read through his thread and imagine that he is the BH you're causing so much anguish...who knows, maybe he is?

Disagree, Kay; he was not "attacked." Nor are you qualified to tell others what is or isn't helpful. C'mon. He is foggy and that will be pointed out. Making accurate statements about his behavior is not "tearing him down." What tears him down is his scummy behavior.

You are out of line trying to dictate to others how they should post. That is not your job. IF you feel a poster is "attacked" you should notify the mods and let them do their jobs rather than trying to tell others how to post. It is only a disruption to the thread trying to force others to post according to your standards.

Joey, do the right thing here and never speak to this married woman again.

Call her husband today.

You are acting like a complete scumbag.

Are you a complete scumbag?

You would have better odds putting a suitcase of money down on a lame goat ridden by a disabled research monkey at the Preakness then having a fantastic life with this skank.

Fantastic Life! ? ? I'm going all [censored] Mora!

A fantastic life based on deceit, lies, betrayal, suspicion, guilt and the total destruction of another man and his family?? Oh but you are cool to her brother so you have that going for you.

I�m glad we�re not in the same room right now.

Since you and I both agree with your level of maturity, let me share this with you.

Below is a post from a young BH trying to save his M, from the wayward thinking of his wife and the wayward thinking of the other man, just like yourself.


See, I think maturity does not come from age.

I think maturity comes from the more right we do in our lives.

They are directly related.

The more right we do = the more mature we are

The more wrong we do = the less mature we are

You are choosing to remain immature. You are choosing to lie. You are choosing to hurt another man.

p.s. the young BH who posted that, is a few years younger than yourself.

Me too! Thank you for saying that, I find Joey's thinking so mind boggling.

In life in general, to do the right thing is sooooo much easier than to do the wrong thing.

It's a no brainer, ya know.