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Actually I don't think troll. Some of this stuff he is ruminating on sounds disgustingly familiar....kind of like me four years ago. That's one reason I wish I could just shake him and express fully how much better his life will get if he will do the right thing. Yes, it will be hard, and there will be hurt. But I'll never forget that first day I could actually look in the mirror and NOT have to push away the knowledge that I was living like a sl*t. Doing the right thing is ALWAYS worth it.

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I just read this thread and I can barely type because I am so angry and frustrated. Finally, curiousity got the better of me.

Joey,

There are things in life that define a man's character. I believe this is one of them for you. You are at a fork in your road of life and you can either take the 'hard right', or continue to do the 'easy wrong'. You know what you need to do.

Quit justifying to yourself your BS excuses and own up to your behavior and do the right thing here. It ain't about YOU anymore. It's about the other lives you have caused severe damage to. If you can do this, you MAY be on your way to redeeming yourself if you stay on a better path.

If you continue to shuck and jive out of what you know needs to be done, you will forever just be another POSOM.

-SoL


-SOL
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Quote
I just read this thread and I can barely type because I am so angry and frustrated. Finally, curiousity got the better of me.

Easy, big fella. I know this all hits too close for you but don't let it deter you from your plan. All waywards are alike, but their not all the same. Stay focused.

opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
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Thanks Opt, and I'll try to not let my feelings taint what I say. I do believe what I posted though. If Joey wants to save his marriage, he needs to step up and that starts with O&H.

Joey, I have no resentments towards you personally. Appologize for coming accross so strong. If an open and honest marriage and life is something you desire, you are going to have to work for it.


-SOL
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Originally Posted by SickofLimbo
I just read this thread and I can barely type because I am so angry and frustrated. Finally, curiousity got the better of me.

Joey,

There are things in life that define a man's character. I believe this is one of them for you. You are at a fork in your road of life and you can either take the 'hard right', or continue to do the 'easy wrong'. You know what you need to do.

Quit justifying to yourself your BS excuses and own up to your behavior and do the right thing here. It ain't about YOU anymore. It's about the other lives you have caused severe damage to. If you can do this, you MAY be on your way to redeeming yourself if you stay on a better path.

If you continue to shuck and jive out of what you know needs to be done, you will forever just be another POSOM.

-SoL

Perfectly stated, SOL.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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joey123 Offline OP
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I am not a troll, at least not in the sense that I'm making up this story. Everything I have said is true, unfortunately. Thank you all for giving your input. I honestly don't know when I'm going to make the call that I need to make. I hope I can muster up the courage to do it soon. Like I've said, I know a lot of you have been betrayed in your lives and people like me disgust you. Thank you for putting your disgust towards me aside for a moment and for helping me to start to see the light and at least take steps towards doing what i need to do. Everything you have all wrote is going to help me tremendously. Hopefully I'll be updating soon on when I make the call. It will be hard, but I know it has to be done.

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Trolls are usually much more inflammatory, and also often have more and more shocking revelations as time goes on.

I think Joey is just another textbook OM. Whether he becomes someone to be proud of remains to be seen.

It can happen, and I've seen it before.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Originally Posted by joey123
I am not a troll, at least not in the sense that I'm making up this story. Everything I have said is true, unfortunately. Thank you all for giving your input. I honestly don't know when I'm going to make the call that I need to make. I hope I can muster up the courage to do it soon. Like I've said, I know a lot of you have been betrayed in your lives and people like me disgust you. Thank you for putting your disgust towards me aside for a moment and for helping me to start to see the light and at least take steps towards doing what i need to do. Everything you have all wrote is going to help me tremendously. Hopefully I'll be updating soon on when I make the call. It will be hard, but I know it has to be done.

**edit** or get off the pot. Otherwise, start posting on "The Other Woman" forum at gloryb, because that's what you are, a giant woman. I've been civil to you thus far, but my patience has run out. You are no better than any other wayward. In fact you may be worse, knowing you are doing another man wrong, and still doing nothing about it. You don't come here to do the right thing, you come here to lessen your guilt by telling yourself you are doing something when you are in fact doing nothing.

Last edited by Revera; 05/06/10 07:34 AM. Reason: TOS

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Originally Posted by jmwc95
**edit** or get off the pot. Otherwise, start posting on "The Other Woman" forum at gloryb, because that's what you are, a giant woman. I've been civil to you thus far, but my patience has run out. You are no better than any other wayward. In fact you may be worse, knowing you are doing another man wrong, and still doing nothing about it. You don't come here to do the right thing, you come here to lessen your guilt by telling yourself you are doing something when you are in fact doing nothing.


QFT

Last edited by Revera; 05/06/10 07:35 AM. Reason: removing quote

Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
HIYA!
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Joey - unfortunately courage won't come until after you take action.

It's a fact of life. Waiting for the courage to quit is like an alcoholic continuing to go to bars, wrecking their lives and the lives of everyone including the innocent victims who just happened to be driving home late form work or just happened to be married to the woman you tramped with... courage isn't found in the bottle. It's found in walking away from the bottle. No last longing glances. No last romantic farewells.

Cut it off. All contact. Now.

Burn the bridges.

The urban dictionary says:
Quote
cut off all ties in a relationship
when you burn a bridge you can't cross it again. to burn a bridge means to be completely done with something.

Only when you've done the thing you must, will you feel courage. Only then will you feel your soul coming back.

It feels pretty icky right now. But you also hope to get another fix - hence the hopeful thoughts about what her brother tells you (gag).

Then when you get another fix, and the high is over, you feel lower than before. The cycle doesn't end. You don't find the courage to do it.

You just do it.
Courage is a by-product of doing the right thing first.

It is a character trait that is earned by the coward by leaving cowardice behind and taking the actions he fears to take.

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I couldn't agree more with the "either --- or get off the pot"...what are you waiting for? It gets harder by putting it off, you can think of a million justifications to procrastinate...just do the right thing and get it over with!

Melody Lane: Still think you could have handled your response better but...moving on...the important thing is this guy do what he needs to be doing and that's the advice everyone here seems to be giving him! smirk


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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You know those people who put on all the gear to bungee jump and then hold onto the rail saying, "I'm not ready, count to three again!" They never end up jumping. You have to close your eyes, swallow the panicky throw up in your moth and step off the ledge.

As Nike says....Just do it!

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Originally Posted by Gack1
Do you like facts and statistics Joey?

Most men do, I do.

Have you ever researched the percentage of relationships that start out as affairs that reach marriage? Or how about that reach a 5yr Marriage anniversary? How about 10yrs?

You really should, but I'll give you a hint. The 10yr mark is so low, that your more likely to win the lottery than make the 10yr Affariage Mark.
On top of this....



Do you have any integrity?


Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Originally Posted by kaycstamper
Melody Lane: Still think you could have handled your response better but...moving on...the important thing is this guy do what he needs to be doing and that's the advice everyone here seems to be giving him! smirk

That makes us even, Kay, because I don't think you handled yourself very well at all. You oughta leave the moderating to the moderators.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I say we all stop wasting our breath on this OM. Clearly he has no desire to actually end it of he WOULD.

The advice has been given, Joey. Be a man and redeem yourself or stop wasting our time.


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Originally Posted by NewPetals
I say we all stop wasting our breath on this OM. Clearly he has no desire to actually end it of he WOULD.

The advice has been given, Joey. Be a man and redeem yourself or stop wasting our time.


AMEN

Notice he's not been around today...


Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04

DD11
DD8
DS3

In a big ol mess...
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joey123 Offline OP
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I'm around. Still foggy as can be. I have a question though. How do I find out his phone #? They don't have a house phone and all I know is her cell phone. I did a few look ups and the only number I get for him is there old house # which is disconnected. They share a FB account so if I try to contact him there she may see it and delete my message. Same with email, they share that too. I can't find anything that is just his account. Suggestions?

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Do you know his name? Have you tried to find it on pipl.com?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by joey123
I'm around. Still foggy as can be. I have a question though. How do I find out his phone #? They don't have a house phone and all I know is her cell phone. I did a few look ups and the only number I get for him is there old house # which is disconnected. They share a FB account so if I try to contact him there she may see it and delete my message. Same with email, they share that too. I can't find anything that is just his account. Suggestions?

Excuse, so what if she sees it. If you are that worried about it, call a PI and get his contact info. You can get it for less than $15.

Better yet, send a message out to all her facebook friends. It's bound to get back to him then. That's what we would recommend the BS to do, so you will just be doing him a favor by exposing for him and doing the lovebusting for him. It bet she won't want to be with you after that. Just do it.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Yes i tried pipl and still just get an old phone#. I know he has a cell phone but I know cell phones don't come up in a lot of searches. I'm pretty sure they have Verizon.

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