Whine away. It isn't in a high pitched noise like my DS9 so I don't mind.

I am glad that you are trying to keep yourself busy so you can be more distracted. How about a pickle jar? Then you can do something SPECTACULAR for yourself, like a Spa weekend. Do you have anywhere close to you that has a comedy show? I started watching comedy movies. Things that didn't have anything to do with couples(that is HARD). I slowly started to come out of the rawness and now I can watch more things. I can listen to almost all music now again. Some used to really hurt me.

One trigger for me was listening to music in my car on the radio. Without fail a song would come on that would remind me of better time and places with XH.

I now listen to a Christian Rock station and have not had one trigger since.

Tired of trying to dry my eyes at red lights and getting weird looks from the driver next to me.

Small steps every day.

Well it has now been almost 2 1/2 weeks since I have received any emails or texts from WH. I could not help myself today and looked at his facebook page. He has removed my name from one of the photo albums with the dogs.
It seems as though he continues to erase little reminders of our life together, or is it OW making him erase those things.
I don't know, either way it is still like a knife in my heart. I refuse to accept or acknowledge that our marriage was a mistake or did not exist.
I keep trying to put one foot in front of the other and move forward with my life, I am closing in on a great job with a great company. So that part will be getting better.
But what has been the cost, I guess you can't really have it all. I don't understand why it feels as though everything in life is completely against you at times.
But I still believe that everything happens for a reason, I would just like to understand the reason.
It is so hard to fight the sadness, what a waste WH has created, what devastation and destruction.
DstepD20 has stated that she believes "dad will end up alone and sad".
Again what a waste.....

Hang in there, Missy!

You ARE protecting yourself from his hurtful actions. If you were not in Plan B you could very well be fighting, hating, and miserable.

Now you're just miserable

Are you taking good care of yourself? Eating, exercising, getting out? This is important during plan B.

Think big picture... hang tuff!

(((((MYMISSY)))))

Now when you have these little slips, you see why it is important not to do this. It throws you in a tail spin. You CAN learn from it and grow though.

Hang TOUGH.

Mymissy, no words of advice just prayers and blessings for you.

You are a Goddess, nothing less. Remember that in your darkest moments and you have support here.

Thanks for all the {{hugs}}, they are much needed.
The revelations seem to group together, don't they.
OWH called me yesterday and told me that WH brought OW to his nephew's birthday party.
UNBELIEVABLE
I cannot imagine the look on WH grandparents face, how does his family justify what he is doing???? His own children are disappointed. But then his family is the kind of dysfunction that shows no emotion, never-ever say anything to anyone, don't rock the boat, etc. So I guess why should I be surprised. His mother and sister seemed to have re-visionist memory same as WH.
I wonder what they would all say if I copied the many letters he wrote to me, including how much his family thought of me, and sent that to all of them; maybe I could jog everyone's memory....
Just a thought....

I have been listening to many of Dr. W. Dyer CD's, podcasts, and DVD's. I am trying to find the peace and love within myself; and bring nothing but good things into my life. So that is definitely helping my emotional and spiritual aspects. I highly recommend his teachings for anyone who is doubting themselves.

I now have 2 solid job offers on the table and one more interview. This last interview is the one that I really want; but it is nice to know that I am in at least a little demand. The job that let me go will probably regret it down the road, but I have found out that they are definitely having money problems. So probably a blessing in disguise. It was still a blow to my already considerably bruised ego.

Its hard to not be sad most of the time; but I am so grateful that I found this site and there are people here who understand completely the devastation I am feeling. It is good to know you are not alone.

So prayers and blessings back everyone here!

I feel exactly the same.

Hi Mymissy, it takes a long time to overcome the real gut wrenching saddness. There are some days that it comes out of nowhere but I recognize it but don't dwell on it.

Enjoy your weekend. And yes Happy Mother's Day. You have been a mother to his children and it should be recognized.

Blessings.

Well, since you are in Plan B, I think it is time to break contact with OWH. It isn't helping you, it is only harming you. The more often you hear about your WH and POSOW, the more it will harm you.

I am sorry but sometimes the is necessary.

You need to refocus on yourself.

What new hobbies have you come up with?

I think I may learn how to horseback ride soon.

I am glad to hear that you are about to get a new job. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. A new better paying job that is Mon-Fri days would be my DREAM job.

Your right scotty, that is why the calls have become far and few between than they first were. It is hard to hear the stuff. And OWH must stay in contact due to their 3 small children.

The new job prospect is very exciting, I actually turned this company down last fall (WH did not want me traveling more than 30 minutes to job-loser, probably so he could continue to cake eat). But I am so excited to have a second opportunity with them.

Now the calls will stop right.

Just getting you back on track.

You bet, no more.
It is time for just me!!!! Thanks Scotty

NP! That's what I am here for. Sometimes, I need the kick in the pants too. Feel free to give me those kicks whenever needed.

Mymissy, I have had so many kick in the pants that I think I have thread marks back there!

You are doing well. Would be wonderful news for you to get the job you deserve.

Thanks Hope, We BS's need to stick together and support one another, you have all been life preserver to me.

{{{hugs}}} to all

When do the horrible images and memories of the terrible acts WH did in the course of his A start to fade???
I went to a friends son's wedding yesterday, all I could think of was WH getting ready in front of me to go out on a date with POSOW for Valentine's day.
How does anyone do that to their spouse...I just want some of the memories to fade.
Having difficult time with that today.....

Sorry your having an off day. The only way I get past this is to force myself...even if I don't want to. Kinda like taking medicine that tastes bad. You do it cause you have to.

I'm a real introvert so I set up engagements that I know I will keep. Lunches visits, time for DD. In general I try to keep real busy.

I also keep trying to post what I can here and hope someone will hear and see the mistakes I have made and use it to their advantage.

For me I know I have resentment for OM and WW. When I get trapped in sort of an endless loop of replaying old tapes I do three things for myself

1. My phone has an alarm on it. Every day at 3:41 pm it goes off. I say a prayer for both. Sometimes it starts with cuss words and anger because I do not want to forgive and am not ready at this point.
If anything if I can't say a descent prayer it helps bring me back to the reality that my goal is that I need to forgive for myself. I don't forgive for the other persons sake.

2. If this does not knock me out of the funk I visulize my HP (God) holding me safely in His hands just like you would a child. I know it sounds foolish but sometimes all we have is our God to comfort us.

3. Some nights I have been so would up I repeat the Serenity Prayer until I fall asleep. Its not just a prayer AA's use for opening their meetings. There is a lot of wisdom in that prayer.

Grandmas short version-What don't kill us will only make us stronger-if we learn from it.

Remember ALIENS took over your H and he is now a WW. Its out of your hands now.



As A FWH:
Anger + resentment + a sense of entitlement= Affair

HE IS IN A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN YOU AND I. Without being on both sides of the fence I do not know that I would understand it either.
Its a world I never want to be a part of ever again.

Keep taking care of Missy. She is worth it. She'll come through all of this and land on her feet just like others before. It just takes time.

Your still in my prayers

Nesre

The "triggers" will come out of nowhere and you will be caught off guard. The thing is, the more it happens the less they will trigger you. I know sounds crazy right? Actually, it is part of human nature. It is a part of our fight or flight response. I was receiving these emails before i found MB about managing memories. What it said, in a nutshell, was that our mind is always looking for danger. When things start aligning themselves, we search our memory for an event that closely relates. We then perceive this as a positive experience or a negative one. We tend to remember the negative ones better, because those are the ones we need to learn from and not repeat.

So your body notices this negative event taking place. Is it really negative? Nope, events are nothing until we put our feelings into them. Think about that one. Ever event is NEUTRAL until WE place an emotion on them.

Back to this event. If you see a negative sitch starting to occur, your body starts to react. Adrenaline starts to flow through your veins. You start to make split second decisions of fight or flight. Then your conscious mind catches up with your instincts, and you realize, there is no threat. It is OLD threats. OLD emotions.

The more you go through it and your mind starts to perceive these events as NON-events, the less likely you are going to react to them.

So? You will get STRONGER from these sucky experiences. Isn't that great news? HEHEHEHE Don't worry you will be fine.

Thanks for the positive thoughts.
I am just wondering Nesre, having been on the wayward side - what woke you up out of the fog?