|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He's asleep in there now after his tantrum. I, however, will be up for hours in complete replay. higgs, is he taking any drugs or drinking?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He just wants to keep bringing up all the love busters that I have done over the years. We know dis trick: divert, divert, divert, divert.... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
I think he is drinking; this may be where's he going after school...I don't smell it on him though.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 249
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 249 |
You did so great! I hope your morning is better.
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490 |
He just wants to keep bringing up all the love busters that I have done over the years. Wow, a WS who is also a blameshifter? I've never heard of a such a thing! 
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
Ok ws woke up this morning and walked around as usual and getting ready for school. The only gesture made toward me is that he helped me make the bed and then I thanked him.
Anyway, to affirm my seriousness, I texted him my requests and told him that our marriage would never work without agreeing to these terms and I will no longer tollerate this affair or his behavior. He's not responded. He says he's sick of me repeating the same phrases.
I won't lie to you guys; I'm scared to death and afraid of losing him forever, but I also agree that I can't continue to live this way.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Anyway, to affirm my seriousness, I texted him my requests and told him that our marriage would never work without agreeing to these terms and I will no longer tollerate this affair or his behavior. He's not responded. He says he's sick of me repeating the same phrases. Yeah, I'd say to stop repeating yourself, higgs. That's a LB. You told him once, right? And the more you repeat them the less power they have.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
How will I know if hecis willing to go by these guidelines? He never answered me last night.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 249
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 249 |
I'd take that as a no for now, but if he hasn't out right said no, maybe he's still thinking?
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Yeah, I'd say to stop repeating yourself, higgs. That's a LB. You told him once, right? And the more you repeat them the less power they have. MB, in order for her to get through to him she needs to be a broken record and repeat these things over and over again. Very little gets through those fogged out, thick skulls, so Steve Harley advises using key points and saying them over and over again.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
How will I know if hecis willing to go by these guidelines? He never answered me last night. Just tell him that if he doesn't agree to these things, he needs to find another place to live this weekend. Silence means NO. Use his own words against him and say, "you said that you wanted to separate, and i now agree with you. I would like for you to move out."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 126 |
I never cried or yelled; I had a hard time getting a word in edgewise. Will he ever forgive me for this? You have NOTHING to be forgiven for, higgs, you are just doing everything you can to save your marriage and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Of course your WH will try and make it look like you have something to be forgiven for, that's what WW's do, it's easier for them to shift the blame to someone else rather than simply accept the blame themselves with a grain of salt. You words: He just keeps repeating the same things over and over. Your WH's words: He says he's sick of me repeating the same phrases. Wow, what a coinki-dink, the "BOTH" of you are repeating yourselves but yet he's the only one who's b**ching about it. Now if "that" isn't calling the kettle black I don't know what is! As Melody said earlier, higgs, some things really do require repeating; you have questions that NEED to be answered and they need to be answered NOW! Keep at it until you get them. Good luck!
Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15
Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
Husband just text me and said, "I'll let you know."
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Husband just text me and said, "I'll let you know." TRANSLATION: I want more cake.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
You need to make your plan. Do as ML has suggested. Ask him to go. Do you have your Plan B letter ready? An IM? Visitation schedule and finances figured out? You need to do this the right way. You can do this Higgs.
Those feelings you are having are completely normal. I was told on my thread that my WH was DEAD. That killed me. Also, I was told that I was losing a lying, abusive adulterer. Not such a great loss when I looked at it that way. When/if my DH returns, I will welcome him back into the fold(as long as he is willing to do the work).
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
There's nothing to figure out with finances.....we have everything seperate right now(his choice on that many yes ago. I'll just hVe to remind him to pay his two bills he pays each month.
The letter is ready and I have my brother ad go between.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
You won't remind him any more about those bills. He is a big boy. Let OW remind him. Will he be paying you CS? My bad about your brother being IM, I forgot that part. I am sure he will be great too since he knows the best teacher of IMs around. Do you have an addendum in your letter for when he will be visiting the kids? Do you have things planned out about how the exchanges will take place? Just making sure you have all of your bases covered.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 680 |
I told him in the letter that he can have them every other weekend and visit on other occasions as long as he communicates to me through my brother. I'll post my letter later so others can let me know what cha think. I'm scared for numerous reasons....mostly being alone, and the hurt inside. I hate that things are going to end this way.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
I hate that things are going to end this way. But you see, Plan B (if done properly) is not an end. It's a beginning. Whether your marriage survives or not, YOU will be in a much better place than you are today. Ask those whose marriages have recovered AND those whose marriages didn't, but all of which executed nearly perfect Plan Bs. You still have a fighting chance.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
It MAY be the end of your marriage, and it MAY NOT.
It definitely WON'T be the end of YOU.
You will be able to look back at this time and realize that you did everything you could. You did it the best you could.
You'll be able to look at your children and tell them that you did the best you could.
You can do this. You have done so well so far.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
178
guests, and
47
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,615
Posts2,323,459
Members71,895
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
