Exposing adultery where it matters most.

Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.


Exposure is your most effective tool to end the affair !

It is important to SNOOP ~before~ exposure.

There are ways to snoop in order to gather evidence. If you have questions about snooping tactics ... go to the general Questions infidelity forum and begin a thread titled something like: ~~~> I need to snoop. Teach me everything you know!

OK ... once you've snooped and you know there is an affair ... and your spouse refuses to end the affair relationship ... you will hear:

"It's only a friendship."
"You are too controling."
"I love you but I am not in love with you."
"You are too suspicious."
"You are crazy."
"Our marriage never worked."
"I've never been happy."
"Our marriage was a mistake from the start."

TIME for exposure.

WAT has a great exposure thread ... read it

Exposure is NOT to the 2 infidels ... they already know they are in an affair!

You expose to the other betrayed spouse first.

You expose to your family as well as your spouse's family (if appropriate)
You expose to work, or neighbors, or others .... ASK the board for help regarding who to expose to

HOW you expose is important

wording something like:

I am saddened to tell you my sweetie is having an affair. It's been going on for (length of time).He/she refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my sweetie, please do what you can to get him/her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

don't forget these words

swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

you NEVER tell your adulterous spouse you are going to expose

you just do it

He needs to go to his employer and explain why he has to leave his job TODAY. As long as they are in contact the A will continue. Now you're telling us there's not a new job. What is to stop him from remaining where he is when June 15 rolls around?

Wow. PAH. Can you afford a telephone counsed w/ Dr. H?

You are in a very sensative/emotional spot now- do nothing that is going to endanger your child (this includes adding excess emotional duress)
June 14 is NOT far away.

IMHO, you need to expose, right away.
...being calm about it. Almost impersonal, like you are talking about a person other than your WH. Like it has been pointed out here..

can you do that? These good people can help you find the words.

to both sets of parents and family for support. I hope you will get it. But focus your energies on reading the site, learning about MB and cleaning up "your side of the street".

Do not do anything that is going to make you fail a stress test now. 12 days (less than 2 weeks to go?!?!)
I want this to sound positive...congrats!

This is not a sprint...MB is a cross country run.

I see an overwhelming response that exposure is key. I still feel that at this point, enough people know. There are people at his job, his family, and mine that know. His mother knows (even though he doesn't know that she knows). All of our closest friends know.

If I find more evidence (i welcome any snooping tips) that they are still seeing eachother outside of work, I will certainly consider ripping this wide open. But for now I feel that they have enough exposure.

His parents will be here in a week. I will see how this week goes and if neccessary that could be the time.

Just remember that I am about to have a baby. I can't handle all of this. Despite what has happened, I still look to him for support and comfort. As pathetic as that is. I need him to get me through this pregnancy. Then maybe I can pull out the "b" card.

What is going on is as long as he is still seeing her even AT work, they are still having an affair. Maybe you need to read more to understand that.

There are workplace affairs where the people have sex in their cars, in the bathrooms, in a supply closet. It can be happening anywhere. My WH is also having an affair with a co-worker. I don't know all of the time that they were together. He took vacation days off to be with her. He pretended he was going to work and was with her instead.

Exposure would help to end the affair. I am assuming you want it ended. Am I wrong? I know that you need your WH for your support, you have to understand that his AFFAIR is what is HARMING you.

The baby is why we're concerned. Do you mean you can handle it better if you just let it slide and hope he comes to his senses, and you'll be okay when he doesn't?

I am sure that a few of you want to shake some sense into me right now. You're right I very well could regret this. But my mind will not be changed. I am taking this risk.

I am on maternity leave now and watching him very closely. I KNOW when he is at work and when he isn't, I can locate him within 50 yds at anytime.

Like you said scotland there is no way of knowing for sure what they are doing at work. I know that. But who's to say that exposing this to everyone will change that. I have never met any of the people he works with (part of the problem I know). The most influential people outside of his job already know.

I am not comfortable at all sending a FB to all of her friends. I really think that at this point that would be more destructive than anything. I am not saying that these methods will never be used, but now is not the right time.

I am not in some dreamland thinking that he has turned a new leaf and is being completely faithful to me. I know that we can't begin recovery until he can't see her anymore. I KNOW. But I really believe that we can make it through this month.

You seek advice and when you get it, you decide it is not the right thing to do? You're wrong.

You are emotionally wrapped up in this but people giving you the advice are thinking logically, not emotionally.

Okay, p&h. Good luck.

KUDOS

Honey, I know your going through a hard time. Trust me. When I was pregnant and in the last month, I definatly knew something was off, even though I didnt know about his affairs yet. Now that I look back ..he was awful, downright dispicable. When I was in labor, he sat acrossed the room texting. 21 hours dear. Then when I exposed, I exposed him to everyone, weather I thought they cared or not. His family, his friends, my coworkers, my friends, the only people that dont know right now are my family. Because I feel they will not be supportive of me trying to work this out. My family is very unforgiving with things like that. So I feel like I will only tell them, if I decided to leave. ANYWAY, when I exposed him, he did a TOTAL turn around. He made a decision that he wanted to save our marriage, he is going to counseling, doing double time around the house, and taking alot of emotional abuse from me at this time. My point is, I think you will have more and better support if you do these things. If he really wants to save your marriage, he will step up and be there in ways he just wont be now. Please consider that. Like I said, I discovered the affair when my son was 1 month old, but I think if it would have come out when I was prengnant things would have been different that last month. Please think about it. God bless you honey.