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Another text stating he never told me that he would move out......what a lie! He told me that right after he stated that it was community property. I know I shouldn't chuckle at this but...HA HA HA. See, higgs, and here you thought you might be doing this/that/and everything else wrong. Wow, you couldn't even be more off base, you are doing SOOOOOO WELL! And you think YOU are scared??? Seems to me someone else (your WH) is starting to feel the effects of that "job well done" you are doing. Good for you, higgs, good for you. Keep it up with the incredible work and I believe you might just make it to the top! :-)
Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15
Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
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I don't know about taking it to the top because you see he hates me and wants nothing more than to be rid of me. The only reason he has stayed in this marriage is to keep from hurting the kids and of course the all-mighty dollar.
This is just pushing him into what he really wants a little bit faster. I do feel better though....I've been tired of being the whipping post. I'm sure there will still be tons of tears, but I can deal with those as they come....they do eventually stop. i must say that I don't see how this is going to save the marriage because his hatred for me is even more intense.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I don't know about taking it to the top because you see he hates me and wants nothing more than to be rid of me. The only reason he has stayed in this marriage is to keep from hurting the kids and of course the all-mighty dollar.
This is just pushing him into what he really wants a little bit faster. I do feel better though....I've been tired of being the whipping post. You did a great job today, higgs! Just keep your distance this weekend and then go through with your plans for Monday. Don't get into any more discussions with him. If he brings it up again, just tell him you don't want to talk about it anymore and leave the room.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Plan B forces OW to meet all his needs. Thus, things will fall apart--they don't always, but your personal recovery will come first in that case.
Please keep with the plan. The vets know what they are doing; they have seen it done time and again. He doesn't hate you--he is a tantruming child whose candy you took away. Yuo KNOW it is right to take his candy away.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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The way that Plan B helps to save your marriage is that it helps YOU. It helps you keep away from all of the hurt that he will continue to inflict on you day to day. Yes, it is true that he will be with her. You know what? He was with her before anyways. Now YOU know.
In an affair, the WS is getting 1-3 ENs met by the AP. That means that the BS still meets some important needs. Your WH KNOWS that OW CAN'T meet ALL of his needs. That's why he didn't leave you immediately. He may tell you it's financial or because of the kids. It is simply about him getting his needs met and making himself "happy." Now you have removed yourself from the equation. He will feel that lose and it will force OW to meet all of those needs. She will not.
And what will you be doing during this time? You will be creating a SPECTACULAR life for you and your dear children, oblivious to the goings on of the ugly affairland sewer.
You will be GREAT. You are doing all of this according to MB. You are doing a SPECTACULAR job.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I don't know about taking it to the top because you see he hates me and wants nothing more than to be rid of me. The only reason he has stayed in this marriage is to keep from hurting the kids and of course the all-mighty dollar. Don't be so hard on yourself, higgs, your H doesn't hate YOU, he simply hates the stress that he now feels due to the actions your "standing up for yourself" are causing him (boo hoo). Of course he wants to "be rid of you;" right now, you are wearing him down with your actions and he's not enjoying a minute of it. Let's see how well he likes things when the only one around to meet ALL of his needs is this OW of his (ie: it's NOT going to happen and, once that fantasy becomes reality, he'll really be feeling it then [not to mention so will the OW]). All you are really doing is showing him that you will no longer allow him to "have his cake and eat it, too," and that is just what you need to do. Like you said, higgs, you are not a whipping post so don't let yourself be treated like one. This is just pushing him into what he really wants a little bit faster. What he wants is merely a fantasy and everyone knows that fantasies don't truly exist. Right now, he sees things (between him and OW) as fun, exciting, new (etc) but, once that fantasty bubble pops and reality rears its ugly head, well, let's just see how much he still wants it then. Although it may not feel like it at the moment, higgs, you are doing better then you even know. :-)
Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15
Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
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I don't know about taking it to the top because you see he hates me and wants nothing more than to be rid of me. The only reason he has stayed in this marriage is to keep from hurting the kids and of course the all-mighty dollar. Stop listening to him. Blah blah blah... Watch him and stay quiet. This is just pushing him into what he really wants a little bit faster. I do feel better though....I've been tired of being the whipping post. I'm sure there will still be tons of tears, but I can deal with those as they come....they do eventually stop. i must say that I don't see how this is going to save the marriage because his hatred for me is even more intense. Ok, here's what you are missing: If he wasn't mad, then you'd be in trouble. He'd stroll away with a smile on his face. And though it's mis-directed at you, his 'hatred' it that HE put himself in this hideous situation. WH knows what he's done is wrong. If he was so confident about his righteousness he'd not be so angry, and he'd be gone.
Stay strong. You'll need strength no matter what happens. Work on you. Are you eating? Exercising? Getting out? You should. Please take care!
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Ok, what if he is still not with other woman??? What if plan A killed that? What if he has been telling me the truth that it is over with her? In that case, I'm ruining everything. He says that they were never intimate and she was just providing him a place to stay while he thinks through his horrible marriage.
I'm just not so convinced that he is still with other woman.
He told my 9 year old son that he was leaving for the lake because "there is no future for your mother and I". He said that he had to come back on Sunday for his counseling session....and that he could not leave yet because he has no where to stay.
He told my 11 year old son that "your mother and i our not getting along right now, so I'm going to the lake."
How can I face my children....I told them that I was going to do everything possible to save this marriage and now I'm the one filing for divorce....something I said that I would never do.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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You are doing it because you have to. He is fog-talking.
Tell him to get out--he is a man, he can live with OW. You are not just filing for divorce, you are protecting yourself from the alien he has become. Divorces can ALWAYS BE HALTED!
Not sure he is still with her? If he wasn't with her he would be with you! What has got you down? What on earth has happened?! You're allowing yourself to be gaslighted!!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Horrible marriage? More fogtalk. They ALL say that! It's called rewriting marital history. Stay the course!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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OMG Higgs have you read my thread. These words are EXACTLY what my WH told me
Here in a nutshell. He was going to move out and live in OW's "extra bedroom." She was "just a friend." There was NOTHING going on. I was insecure and jealous and it was all in my head.
He told our DS7 that "Mommy and Daddy just can't get along anymore."
Oh Higgs I know this is hard but this is all SCRIPT. STOP LISTENING.
He is like the teacher in peanuts, "Wah wah wah wah wah."
You have an end to this pain. You will get there.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You have come SO FAR! Please stand by what you know you need to do and don't listen to him! Listening to his lies got you in this situation! {hugs}
Me 31
Him 26
Married 11/30/04
DD11
DD8
DS3
In a big ol mess...
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The only reason he has stayed in this marriage is to keep from hurting the kids and of course the all-mighty dollar. And seeing another woman behind their mothers back, breaking their mothers heart with his lies and bringing their mother to tears frequently isn't going to hurt the children??? How about the arguing in front of the kids? No doubt that is not something they exactly enjoy having to hear. Higgs, if he was ONLY staying in the marriage to keep from hurting the children and because of the money why would he suddenly up and leave now? Does he suddenly not care if the kids get hurt or did the money all of a sudden vanish into thin air? No, the children are still there and so is the money, right?!! Fog-babble, fog-babble, fog-babble! Stay on track with what you are doing, you are doing more than well. (((HUGS)))
Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15
Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Erica Jong
1942-, American Author
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All is quiet right now. I'm just waking up and drinking my coffee...hoping for a non-crying day. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.....if I can just get through the end of the school year.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I'm starting to wonder if that text of "I love you with all that is in me" was meant for OW??? Her name is one letter in front of mine, so it would be easy to do that. It just doesn't make sense for him to text me that and then come in and blast me with all the yelling and cussing. I did also find out that he had been drinking that night.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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I'm starting to wonder if that text of "I love you with all that is in me" was meant for OW??? hmmmm, you might be right. What is going on this weekend? Are you set in your plans to go file on Monday like we discussed?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm here alone....he went to lake. I'm planning on filing on Monday; should I tell him this? Also, i desperately want my parents here with me....I'm all alone and I could really use the help. Also, my mom being here would probably help with keeping him away; he won't want to come around with them here.
Also, when I do see him, how do I behave? Right now, I want to text him and be so snide and awful. All of these emotions are running together.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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That is your TAKER talking and it is COMPLETELY NORMAL. If you need your Mom for support, I would ask her to come over. If it will help you transition into Plan B, I think it would be good. ML? That is where you are going here right? Plan B on Monday? I may be a little LOST 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You are right, Scotland!  She is going to file for divorce on Monday on grounds of adultery and try to get him out of the house. [it may take 7 to 14 days] In the meantime, she is calling her parents to come stay with her so they can protect her from his verbal abuse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sounds like a GREAT Plan.
Oh Higgs, you are doing so well. I don't think you know yet what an inspiration you are. You are helping others as well. Keep it up, you have a great bunch of people behind you supporting you 100%.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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