Hello All! I have a very perplexing and disturbing question that I do not know how to handle. Quick Scenario: Wife is seeing OM, Wife says she is ending it with OM soon, Wife takes daughter over to OM's apartment because he bought her a videogame and she felt bad that he spend the money. Says she promises never to take her over there again.<BR>Daughter want's to know if I know OM. No. Daughter want's to know if I can come over there with her and why won't I be his friend too? He doesn't know that my wife is still fully married and living at home due to an unfortunate oath I made not to disclose it early on when I thought she was going to end it. She holds me to my oath because it was made on very serious consequences. I wish I had never done it, but I have a difficult time breaking heavy oaths like that.<P>Anyway, what do I tell my daughter?

There is no doubt in my mind on this one. Your daughter is old enough for <B>one</B> thing... <B>honesty!</B><P>At her age she should have been exposed to so much of the <I>real world</I>... but you don't have to be graphic!<P>1. Tell her you love her... more than anything (this is the most important!)<BR>2. Tell her, mommy has a friend...<BR>3. You can't be his friend... because he is hurting your love/relationship/whatever with mom!<BR>4. Tell her your desire of mom to not be his friend... because his friendship can hurt everyone... (truth and honesty can be hard)<P>This OM is like the "Cat in the Hat"... "he has lots of good things that are fun!" But you know... "he has to go, said the fish in the pot... he should not be here... he should not!<P>Dr. Suess (while being a little strange) is undernieth it all a moralist!<P>Honesty will save you in the long run...<BR>No this is not brain washing...<BR>This is moral upbringing!<P>Honesty with your wife (barring Love Busting) wouldn't hurt either.<P>Jim<BR>---------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

John,<P>NSR is totally correct. Be honest with your daughter. You can’t protect her from pain/hurt her entire life nor should you try. You can teach her how to deal with it.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

John I face the same situation. Except I have a six year old son. I told him the truth. I twas not easy and I don't think he fully understands. He gets angry alot at his mother but he tries. One thing that he knows, one thing that is constant, that is me. I am there and Lord willing always will be.<P>One thing I can say is be there. For your daughter and your wife if you can. But especially your daughter. <P>I don't know what the oath is or was but I do know that not telling your daughter the truth is in it's own way breaking an oath. An oath as a parent to do the best to raise your child right. Honesty is the best policy.