They can't, really. They'll try to couch it in terms of "an accident of evolution" of some such, but it gets very circular when you ask them to account for the "randomness" of the "accident."

Well Fred, I am glad we are both on a spiritual path. It is very peaceful I am very content on my own. I meditate, do spiritual excercises and stay in contact with nature. I can't say I am unhappy any longer. I have a lot to be thankful for and have my integrity intact. Not bad.
blessing

Just an update: my WH has a 99% chance of getting a big promotion at work. They just posted the job putting the exact credentials he has, basically a posting made to measure for him that only he could fill.
So, I guess so much for exposure at work. I swear, everybody knows...also the details of who OW is and how he went about with the A.
I guess the big wigs do not care, or maybe, since he always kept quiet about he whole thing and never talked about it or made bad comments about me, at the end they valued him more.
Yuk!...
...blessing

Of course, I am sure he spinned it to make you the bad guy...WS's are experts at that atena...Its sad that most workplaces accept this, but such as life, I guess...Dont worry about him, he will get hit by karma, someday.....

He is a passive aggressive. Says nothing but by doing that makes you look bad.
Yes he will get what he deserves and with this job he is forced to have contact with a lot of people daily and most of these people are major pains in the a$$ including people who know about the A and do not approve of it.
We'll see. Life is fair at the end.
blessing

Yes, life is fair in the end....especially with God...We will be okay, atena. They are living it up now...without thinking of consequences, but the consequences will come.

Coming in late here to comment on agnostics and atheists.

Many of them are good, moral and decent people who respect that human life is a miracle(something we don't understand but is intricate and amazing) and whatever the source of it...to be respected. Atheists just don't call that source God and agnostics aren't sure whether to call it God or give it another label....yk?

Atena,

Glad to see that you are doing better. Personal recovery does come in time, but there will still be down days. I was OK for months and recently went through some depression after I found out that XWH and Miss Mullet were in town. It still hurts.

Just stick to your course and things will keep getting better.

Today I had a meeting with my boss about a few things and at the end of the meeting she asked me how I was doing and asked a few details about my separation. I gave her the details. Then she wanted to know how I found out about the A and I told her that.

She then concluded that my H is a great actor like many of the polititians we well know he is able to do nasty things and wake up the next day as if nothing happened. She said nothing shows from his face. No emotion.
Well, he is going to get that promotion and she is the one who is giving it to him but I guess she needed to know why I do not speak to him because to most people it looks like he is the polite, respectable teacher who never says anything and acts nice and distant.....so now she knows.

I also told her this was his second A in the span of 4 years....I did not tell her that the first one was with another teacher at work (she is gone now), that would have made her hair stand up....!

My boss is a woman whose H is big polititian from another country who cheated on her and is currently living with OW and he has kids with OW. HOwever they pretend to still be married and get along for both his and her carreer and finances. She is like my H, nothing shows from her face...so I did not learn this piece of gossip from her but from a former employee of her who knew all the details of her H's A!

My WH is the same way...he is charismatic, everybody loves him, except his family, of course...he could always talk his way out of speeding tickets...one time he had no insurance sticker, no inspections sticker and was speeding and got a warning by his sweet talking...He has just got that "it" and that big gorgeous smile, to hide all the evil that lurks beneath.

Sorry, I know a lot of people like President Obama....but me and my WH dont...I call my WH Obama when I text him and he thinks its funny...but to me he is just like him...I think Obama had so much charisma and that he got to be president...He sweet talked his way into office with his big beautiful smile.

My WH actually told me that even though his whole family thinks he is scum, that he finds comfort in that the people he works with think he is a great guy...What a great thing to take comfort in...even Ted Bundy fooled people. People that knew him thought he was a great guy too.

hi all,
I talked to my son a few minutes ago (he is in college in the states) and he told me that it has been more than 2 months since he talked to his dad on the phone and that his dad's emails are very short.
I could not help it but comment "wow, 2 months!"
Son at that point became defensive saying that he was too busy to call his dad....
I told son that it up to his dad to check on him not vice versa.
Then son said he would like to come over here during the summer.
I do not think it is a good idea for son to be exposed to the filth of WH A and I told son tht his dad is still seeing OW and that it is a pretty squallid situation to witness. I then asked him if his dad ever mentioned to him his relationship with OW and son said, no, never.
WHY is WH this way???
He does not even lok after his own interest, he is totally cut off from everything.
Is this normal?
I have been in plan B for 8 months now and WH has never ever tried to contact me for anything except thru the IM for the sale of the house and taxes.
Is he an average WS?????
I hate it when he neglets our son!
blessing

My WH was exactly the same. He pretty much Plan B's me. Walked away and never looked back at all.

Men for whatever reason seem to have an easier time walking away from EVERYTHING.

I hate that your DS has to go thru this, but from reading on here it seems pretty typical, unfortunately.....My WH does see DS, but my DS is only 8....I swear if he was older my WH wouldnt even bother, but who knows....and me, well I dont think WH would care if he ever saw or talked to me again...IDK how they do this but it seems as if they just cut that part of their brain out or somethin, ya know?

Maybe it helps them forget us, when they dont see or talk to us.....That way they dont hafta deal with looking at the people that they almost completely destroyed. You know, kinda like they are doin the NC with their families, I guess.

Yes, this seems to be true...

I know my H could/might/would just walk and not look back. We're not at that point yet but...geeze just knowing that hurts and sucks.

Yeah, I really dont understand how some people walk away and never look back....I cant even get over WH, and I have been doing my best to do just that....

Maybe it is easier when you have already found someone new?...Or when you know that that person still loves you and wants you back? IDK.

Hi Chai and Stillhere,
I see we are in a very similar situation as far as WH's personality goes. Chai...after 36 years he left and never ever tried to contact you??? That is incredible..really really bad.
And Stillhere, for you it has now been 2 years and again no trying to contact you...? Nothing?
OK, I see that I made the right decision choosing personal R and not to R the M. At this point I think even if I had decided to R the M my WH would have never contacted me again anyway.
At this point....when they are really so ready to cut all ties and go, is it really just about OW. Because I am starting to suspect that might be more than just that....
blessing

Yeah, my WH does contact me, but only about DS and stupid stuff...No relationship stuff....The reason why I think it is about OP is, why did they wait until they found OP to decide they didnt want us anymore? I think they are just sooooo wrapped up and busy in their new lives they dont even think about us..

And I think the longer the A is the more and more that when it blows up, well they have more time to forget about us....So if My WH and OW broke up last year, maybe after a while he would have regretted his mistake.....

Now the longer it goes on, I dont think he will ever give me a second thought again, even when and if they break up...IDK, none of us have new beaus, maybe then they will have a little regret. But I dont think any of us are lookin for that right now. In a way they kinda know that we are still alone, so they think they could come back if they really wanted to? who knows.

I think a lot has to do with the idea of being a bachelor again especially for our WH who did not move in with OW. They have it ideal and get to be the single guy again.
I guess the idea for them to come back to us and to back to the ball and chain of the M (as they saw it) is just not an option.
OW is just very admiring and needy. I can't help but think that at some point that bubble will have to burst but I guess the power of the A is just too strong and the fantasy goes on.
There is no longer secrecy and after a while the sex must become pretty routine....I really do not know anymore.
Has your H the intention to file for D...or do you?
You said that after 2 years you are still thinking about him. DO you foresee dating at some point? Have you ever had anybody interested in you in these 2 years?
blessing