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I would recommend they take the DVD's and a player and head to a hotel near home for a 3 day excursion and watch the Seminar and enjoy some R&R together. They will still have the DVD to watch again as well... It's a Win/Win! This will work too, plus if I'm not mistaken they have the added coaching afterwards, if needed. hey what does QFT mean? lol
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Yes the coaching is still avail when you do the online seminar!
It's all the same!
QFT = Quoted For Truth
Last edited by tst; 05/11/10 02:13 PM.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Yes the coaching is still avail when you do the online seminar! It's all the same! There ya go, get some fruit trays and coffee/pop set up in the room, and you really won't know the difference.  QFT = Quoted For Truth ahhh, thank you for answering my question!
M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA
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The Online Seminar offers the EXACT same thing as attending the Weekend in person.
I would recommend they take the DVD's and a player and head to a hotel near home for a 3 day excursion and watch the Seminar and enjoy some R&R together. They will still have the DVD to watch again as well... It's a Win/Win!
IMO, Ya'll need to chill a little on the... MUST attend Minneapolis for this to work. I'm just concerned that he may be finding a reason to not do any of the above. It would speak volumes if he would think outside of the box and make a big massive leap to show he will try to make it work despite obstacles. I was just trying to provide an example of outside of the box thinking. So far, I'm not seeing any leaps, and I thought I might be able to help spark one. I agree with you and I promise I am not making excuse, but I want to do this WITH my wife. I was selfish, did what I wanted and I need to show judgment and do this when my wife wants to do this with me. I will ask every day, she has agreed to go, just the timing for us.
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I am sorry, I appreciate everyone helping, this "blogging" isnt something I do and I am having trouble tracking everything. If there is something I owe anyone please let me know. I am not being disrespectful, just have never done this before. Thanks
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So at work today had a "very close to home situation".
Yesterday, one of the guys who works for me sent me an email saying that he wanted to talk about his job and he needed to talk to me.
He called me today telling me that his wife of many years told him last weekend that she was leaving him. "She met someone else". She was moving out and leaving him with their kids including a newborn.
I felt very guilty even listening to his plight. He didnt know what to do, how to handle his job, take care of his kids, how to deal with "the bomb". I didnt know what to do except give him all of the time he needed to fix things. I have my issues and not ANY position to give advice.
I PLAN ON DELETING THIS SECTION AS I INTEND ON SENDING HIM THE LINK.
But anyone have any ideas on what I should say when I send him the link to this site?
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Yes, tell him to get the book "Surviving An Affair" By Dr. Harley. Tell him to make sure he gets LEGAL custody of his kids and to see an attorney right away to ensure she does not come back for the kids. I would even file an order of protection against the OM for the kids if allowed. Again he needs an attorney right away. You did great giving him the time he needs to sort things out.
PS once he is feeling a bit better you might suggest a paternity test for his newborn.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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As for what to say, you can tell him you have some knowledge of affairs and you know Dr. H is the expert on saving marriages.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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As for what to say, you can tell him you have some knowledge of affairs and you know Dr. H is the expert on saving marriages. I will tell him about what I have read and that Dr. H can help with what he is going through.
Last edited by ihurtsomeone; 05/11/10 09:05 PM.
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Do I tell my wife I still love her? I told her several times since all this came out, but feel that when I say it I upset her. I want to talk to he what do I say? How do I start this?
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Do I tell my wife I still love her? I told her several times since all this came out, but feel that when I say it I upset her. I want to talk to he what do I say? How do I start this? I would likely leave off the "I love yous" for right now if they seem to be annoying her - Remember love is an ACTION, and let's face it, your actions haven't been loving...It's pretty hard for a BS to believe that you love them when you've just been caught being unfaithful, right? Schedule FUN things for the two of you to do together - you set up the sitter, you plan the whole enchilada...Then just go have fun - leave off the relationship talks for right now... When will you register for the MB Online Seminar? I agree with tst, you should make that a weekend away...Again, YOU set up childcare and book the hotel - buy snacks for the room, etc...You lead, IHS... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Speaking of leading, have you called to book a phone coaching session for yourself with Steve Harley yet?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I don't know what BR is thinking, but my first thought when you said.... Do I tell my wife I still love her? I told her several times since all this came out, but feel that when I say it I upset her. My first thought was that maybe it upsets BR because she didn't think you could love her while you were hurting her the way you did. Those words would be empty to me. And, she probably cannot trust anything you say right now. I would focus on your actions right now. Not words. It may take her awhile to believe what you say. I don't know that I would stop telling her that you love her though. Just don't let them be empty words. And added bonus....highly likely since she went through a false recovery, she'll have a hard time trusting her own judgement. Much less trust yours.....for awhile. She's likely guarding her heart, because you wouldn't.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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Speaking of leading, have you called to book a phone coaching session for yourself with Steve Harley yet?
Mrs. W I have called (filled out the form online) to set the appointment up. No matter what I need this. I went to local bookstore and they didn't carry Dr. Harleys book, ordered it yeserday and also ordered "Good Husband, Great Marriage". That one seemed applicable. I want to set things up, but it seems like I am the last person she wants to have fun with. I am not sure I would want to be around me with our situation. I am not a big fan of myself so I could only imagine how she is feeling with the things I said and did to her.
Last edited by ihurtsomeone; 05/12/10 04:15 AM.
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I am not sure I would want to be around me
with our situation. I am not a big fan of myself You made a good point here. If you can't be happy on your own chances are no body can make you happy. Other people can't do that and if they do is only temporary. What is it that you do not like about you. What are your behaviors that annoy you. blessing
atena
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I don't know what BR is thinking, but my first thought when you said.... Do I tell my wife I still love her? I told her several times since all this came out, but feel that when I say it I upset her. My first thought was that maybe it upsets BR because she didn't think you could love her while you were hurting her the way you did. Those words would be empty to me. And, she probably cannot trust anything you say right now. I would focus on your actions right now. Not words. It may take her awhile to believe what you say. I don't know that I would stop telling her that you love her though. Just don't let them be empty words. And added bonus....highly likely since she went through a false recovery, she'll have a hard time trusting her own judgement. Much less trust yours.....for awhile. She's likely guarding her heart, because you wouldn't. that makes sense, I told the other woman that I loved her an I said it a lot. My words don't have value, besides if I told the OW that I loved her I guess I can see my wifes point of view. I do love her though, I just don't want her to forget or think that I have quit. I have so messed this up. I am trying to just do what she asks. I don't want to take charge, as I am want to do things at her pace. I agreed with her to see a dr about my depression and get on medication. I have avoided that for years, I hope that helps too.
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that makes sense, I told the other woman that I loved her an I said it a lot. My words don't have value, besides if I told the OW that I loved her I guess I can see my wifes point of view. I do love her though, I just don't want her to forget or think that I have quit. I have so messed this up. You are driven by fear of loss not by love. This is quite undestandable bacause if you broke up with OW only a week ago (I read your thread I that is what i gathered) you cannot possibly love your W. I have been on this forum to long to believe that a WS that just broke it off with OW is 1) in love with his wife 2) no longer craving OW and threfore not in withdrawal I am very confused and not sure if you are genuine. Blessing
atena
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that makes sense, I told the other woman that I loved her an I said it a lot. My words don't have value, besides if I told the OW that I loved her I guess I can see my wifes point of view. I do love her though, I just don't want her to forget or think that I have quit. I have so messed this up. You are driven by fear of loss not by love. This is quite undestandable bacause if you broke up with OW only a week ago (I read your thread I that is what i gathered) you cannot possibly love your W. I have been on this forum to long to believe that a WS that just broke it off with OW is 1) in love with his wife 2) no longer craving OW and threfore not in withdrawal I am very confused and not sure if you are genuine. Blessing I do love my wife and I am relieved that I am no longer with the OW, I had been feeling very guilty, and was mostly too cowardly to break it off with her, so I kept the IM's going. It is true I am fearfull of losing my wife, but is because I love her and I do want to come home to her. There was a time when all we wanted was to spend ever minute together. And it's been a long time, but when we are actually together we have fun and we want the same things in life. I also want to have mykids grow up as happy as possible with 2 loving parents. And when I think about being old I see her there. I do love her, and I know my actions didn't show it, I do feel it.
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I see. Well from the sounds of it you seem sincere.
However, what is your W position about this. Am I gathering that she is not interested in R the M?
What is her position?
Blessing
atena
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I see. Well from the sounds of it you seem sincere.
However, what is your W position about this. Am I gathering that she is not interested in R the M?
What is her position?
Blessing sorry for my ignorance, what is "R the M"?
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