First of all, congratulations for deciding to end your affair and try to recover your marriage. No matter what happens, that was absolutely the right choice.

Second, although you have some hard work ahead of you, you also have a chance to rebuild a fulfilling marriage in which both of you are very happy and totally in love with each other. You can heal from this, and so can Scotty's dad, together.

You've got some work to do, and while Dad is off in Scotland is the perfect time to get started. In order for you to begin to recover, and to have a chance to restore your marriage as well, there are some things you need to do immediately, and then maintain.

#1 is No Contact with the other man. You just won't be able to progress till that's done. Also Dad will only be able to feel safe learning to trust you again when he can see that you've made it impossible for the other man to keep in touch with you.

This will include changing all your contact info: phone numbers, email, job if need be. Delete any Facebook or Myspace accounts if they were used at all for the two of you to contact each other. Consider every way he could possibly try to get a hold of you and try to talk to you or persuade you to stay. Then think of a way to make it impossible for him to use that avenue.

#2 Send him a No Contact letter. Ideally on here we recommend that the wayward spouse write it and let their betrayed spouse send it. If you wanted to get that done before Dad gets home, Scotty could probably help you write it, and she could send it.

#3 Come up with a plan for recovery, and be willing to do whatever your husband needs from you to heal. You might feel overwhelmed and unsure what to do. We can help you make a plan that will work, and help you with it day by day.

Others will have more to add, but I think that's a good beginning overview to give you a possible direction to head.

We have come to love Scotty - she's a real gem - and I hope you post here and give us the chance to get to know you, too. If not, please read and then read some more. This site is a gold mine of information on how to recover after infidelity.

Welcome!


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story