I am glad that your parents are there for you. It's funny as a parent, you kind of think that you just have to get your kids raised and out of the house, but at times when you lean on your parents, you realize that you always need to be there for them.

When will the hearing be?

Now be careful about history re-write yourself. You are looking back at your time together with your WH and you start examining more closely. You have to remember that you are looking back with your current feelings. That may cloud how you perceive things in the past. It's similar to what WSs do.

It does seem unfair that your WH "seems" to be getting what he always wanted. It's what he "thinks" he wants. He is trying to find happiness and doesn't realize that his happiness is not about outside forces, it comes from inside.

Now, how are you doing? What are you going to do for YOURSELF?

Hope_E, first of all do not beat yourself up. You are doing well given the circumstances. If you called your H names it is only human.
Remember no body forces you to save this M and you can decide to say the he77 with him and work on your personal recovery.

I also work in a school and so does my H. Teachers, principals etc..are notorious for having A and being on the look for opportunities.
They are not a faithfull bunch. So we might just have to resign to this, work on ourselves and our children and move on with our lives.
You do not have to walk on eggshells for a jerk like him.
Just take a deep breath and exhale.
I promise you that the day will come when your own personal fog about your H will lift and you will see only the jerk he is and how much he hurt you. You will no longer love him or want to be with him and all of this nightmare will be over with.
Be strong and listen to you gut feeling. That is your best guide.
blessing

I still love him and I don't want to be bitter, but it's hard in my given situation. I want to hope for reconciliation, but he seems so set on everything. Even if he's not going to be with OW, he wants to be with someone in the future....and I don't think that's me. He definitely has no peace on the inside. He would always look at his brother's life...no kids, money, a new hot wife, and he would say, "He has the life". So, this isn't just about me, it's about freedom for him and the ability to start over and have a better life as he sees it.

Hope_E, that is what I mean when I say listen to your gut feeling.
What you said above was my gut feeling about my own WH all along since the time he announced he wanted to separate. It is not just but OW, I think there is more there. At the beginning I thought for sure it is OW...but you know what...he has been seeing her for 2 years now and they do not live together. If it was about her he would be with her sharing the same roof.
They want their freedom, they want no commitment, they want to do as they please. This is also a big part of it.
So yes, Hope, if that is what you think you WH wants it is probably true.
You can try and work on recovery and plan B. But always keep in mind that you are the one who counts here and it might be a very steep road to recovery. But appearently it has been done.
blessing

Hope, I just want to emphasize that EVERY wayward is "set" on something. But they are high on an affair so what they are "set" on today can change on a dime. Just as a falling down drunk is "set" on his love of booze and convinced that he is a "great" drunk driver, those feelings can and do change when the source of the addiction is removed.

So, your "gut" might be telling you he means what he says - AND HE DOES - but that can change on a dime.

The bottom line is that you CANNOT go by what he says now. He is under the influence right now.

If you go and read the threads of those in recovered marriages, you will see that their spouses SAID THE VERY SAME THINGS yours is saying now. There are no guarantees, but I have seen far worse than this turn around and recover completely.

Thanks melody......you are right, and I can be hopeful.

I'm making it through the day, but with difficulty. My daughter got in trouble at school and asst principal called. My dd apparently told this woman, "you're not even a certified teacher " this was a woman who was tutoring a group of kids. She said she was disrespectful and loud.

I'm afraid this is the start of our problems...I'm so concerned about the choices my children will make. Does he know what he's doing?

Your WH should know about this and he should be called by the school as well.

Never shield a WS from the consequences of their bad choices...and this IS a consequence.

I did forward the email to him and told him that it was one of 3 that I received this week. Two of my boys getting in trouble for homework and talking and then my DD with this. I took her calling priveledges away until Monday....she also can't go skating tomorrow as planned. She will be writing a note of apology to this teacher as well. I hope that I can hold it together with discipline.....it's not my strong suit.

Hope, how are things going? Are your folks there now?

Hope, remember that not every negative thing your kids do is the result of the A. Just as every positive thing they do is also not the result of the A. Deal with their mistakes and keep going.

My DS had to stay after school twice for dumb-a@@ed decisions he made. Had nothing to do with the A. He hasn't had a problem during or after the A. Kids just do some stupid things sometimes.

I'm not saying your DD is having no issues with the A. I'm saying don't give her that as an out, either in your mind or hers.

Everything is ok or as good as it could be. My lawyer just called me and told me he was served at 4:40...I've heard nothing; he probably doesn't care. My parents are here and it's wonderful. My mom made beans/rice, cabbage, corn bread and deviled eggs for dinner not to mention all the cleaning and clothes washing she did....my parents are the best. I'm so thankful for them and how supportive they are.

I think what bothers me the most is the fact that he is erasing our history....like it never happened. All the wedding pics, the birth of our children, and all our moves together are down the toilet. I'm overwhelmed with emotions most of the time and I'm extremely tired every evening....no energy to do anything. He emailed me today wanting to know our dental information. I told him to go to the dentist and that it was on file there. I didn't want to give any information.

His state of mind is temporary. Don't let that bother you!

I'm going to bed he didn't call after being served,so who knows what he's thinking or feeling. It was filed on the grounds of adultery and mental cruelty.

I'm just trying to focus on finishing school and supporting my kiddos....they're all I have right now.

Goodnight, hope... {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hope}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Goodnight, h_e. I hope you get some rest tonight, you both need it and deserve it.

Nitey, nite. (((hugs)))

I did have a good night's rest and so did the kids. This morning is the first with no crying. I'm trying to still wrap my mind around so many things and I find myself trying to talk about memories with my kids...maybe this isn't so good? It's hard not to do that after so many years with one person. I can't understand why he doesn't contact the kids??? This has been like this for a month now. Even when he was running around with OW and lieing, he ignored them. I can see that is so hurtful for my daughter. I try to talk with her, but she is so distant. I guess today is a new day; I've finally gotten to where I can pray and stay on track with my prayers.

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better? Have you given any thought into finding an IC for the kiddos. My DS9 had some real anger issues. He finally said he wanted to talk to someone and it did wonders.

I am so glad that you have the support of your parents. Aren't parents the best? I may be a little biased as I mean me too.

Figuring out a wayward will make you CRAZY. There is no logic to it. They think they are thinking straight but even children know how flawed their "logic" is. All you need to do right now is focus on yourself and your kiddos and learning as much about MB as possible. Even if your marriage doesn't survive, you may one day want to pursue a relationship with a new person and doing it MB from the beginning would be WONDERFUL.

You can do this. You have been doing this. You ARE doing this.

Thanks scotland, I've felt better today than any other day. I was actually excited about coming in to work. I will look in to someone to talk with my kids.....and me. It will be stressful for awile especially since he won't make contact with them.....or set up time with them.

Peeking in on your thread, HE. I suspect he won't talk to the kids because of his guilt. Hang in there - it'll get better.