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That is good thinking. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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OM is buying OMGF jewelry right now. I told OMGF that is great. If OM is commited to you then have him do a NC letter, access to email and cell phone records...etc.

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Originally Posted By: now_what
OM is telling OMGF that he lover her and wants to be with her. He wants and has nothing to do w/WW. OMGF is asking me what to do. I have told her make him give you acces to everything, phone records, emails passwords, and the like. What else can she ask OM to do?


Tell her to switch phones with him...without warning! Then she should stick to his side all weekend...even watch him in the can!

She'll hear from your wife within an hour.

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Originally Posted By: now_what
I'm thinking about playing some my evidence from the VAR when WW parents are there helping with the move. I will have my family there too. Is this over the top? I don't know if WW is still standing by her statement that she ended things w/OM.

What do you think?


I think you'd be crazy to give up your source. They are useless to you since they don't care that she's cheating and moving.


Uh, you do have a lawyer working on custody....right?

MaiMai #2369846 05/07/10 03:22 PM
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NW,

Can you go to Bear37's thread and give him your PI info. He needs to get some info on his OM. Thanx.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
jmwc95 #2369934 05/07/10 06:21 PM
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NW- Have you figured out what YOU want yet? Things are moving very quickly here. I'm not pushing too hard, but you need to figure out if you want to try to recover or not. It seems to me that you do, but I could be wrong.

I think that is good that OM seems to be trying to either placate or keep both his GF and your wife by getting her presents. Shows that GF may still have some influence over him.


-SOL
_SOL #2370889 05/10/10 08:30 AM
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It was a good weekend in all. WW took out CPU to work on Friday and convieniently left it there. I would be willing to bet that she thinks that all my secret stuff is on there and I was going to show it to her parents when they were here to help her move out yesterday.

Ok, so WW has moved out, I called my family and had them all over at the house yesterday for support and to help WW move out. WW's parents came down too. She took from the house what she needed, bedroom furnature, our old TV, kitchen table etc...We worked out a custody plan w/NW5, everything is 50/50. Starting next month she will pay me half of the car payment for her car. The loan is in my name, she will pay me until she can buy out my loan. We will split daycare expenses, otherwise there is no support. I have a meeting with my lawyer in 30 min.

My family is very upset but very supportive of me. They are all aware of my plan and we are all on the same page. I have my sisters set up as IM.

I am in Plan B now. I will post again later today, gotta run to see my lawyer...

_SOL #2371115 05/10/10 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted By: SickofLimbo
NW- Have you figured out what YOU want yet? Things are moving very quickly here. I'm not pushing too hard, but you need to figure out if you want to try to recover or not. It seems to me that you do, but I could be wrong.

I think that is good that OM seems to be trying to either placate or keep both his GF and your wife by getting her presents. Shows that GF may still have some influence over him.


I want recovery. I still love my WW. I have known for a while now that it would have to come to this point. Now that I'm here it doesn't seem to be real. On mother's day she left her life, a nice house, a husband who loves her, security, and gave her son up half of the time. She moved her son into an unknown evironment, no yard to play in, and a parking lot for a driveway. Sigh....

OMGF and I talk about every other day. I really think that one of these days you might see a new thread with her side of the story in it. She tells me she has been on the site and has done alot of reading. I told her if she wants good advice on what to do then start a thread. We'll see. She is my biggest hope right now...

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So I wrote a Plan B letter and gave it to WW on Sunday before she left our house. I couldn't post it here first becasue WW left our CPU at work for the weekend. I used the Plan B letter from SAA as an outline. I figured that I wouldn't be too far off the mark. I really didn't know she would be moving out that early. The letters to OM family pushed her over the edge.

She thinks I'm acting crazy. Crazy for what I have done to end her A. That's all she can seem to see right now. I had a good talk w/WW in front of her parents about our sitch. I said that I still love WW and my intentions for revealing her A was to try and end it. From what I can tell they are dissapointed in WW but as long as she is happy the everything will be ok...Oh well, that's not going to affect my plan.

I'm going to mow the yard when I get home and move back into my room.

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Thinking about you Now_What.

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NW- Haven't heard from you in a while. What's going on? How are you holding up? Let us know what's happening alright?


-SOL
_SOL #2374530 05/16/10 07:33 PM
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Its possible that he still doesnt have a pc at home after his wife took it SoL..


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
RMX #2374534 05/16/10 07:42 PM
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Good point. I will give him a call to check on him. Thanks.


-SOL
_SOL #2374569 05/16/10 09:52 PM
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Hello,
Yep, no pc since WW moved out last Sunday. I have stayed off this site at work also because I get consumed and get absolutely nothing done. Been a nice break actually, no offense intended. My family brought me a pc yesterday and I figured out how to connect the wireless keyboard today...love technology.

Well, I'm feeling pretty good actually. My worst night was my first night w/NW5. After I put him to bed I broke down, I just couldn't understand why she would give up half her time w/NW5, a nice and safe home, and a husband who was willing to love her again to be with OM. I got over it, her loss. NW5 and I seem to have more fun now, I think it is because of my new freedom from WW. I feel so much better now that she is gone.

As far as what now. Well, still in Plan B with no desire to drag the D out. Reviewing everything she has done, the reality of the situation, has left me ready to move on.
-She has filed for D
-She moved out
-She is in a relationship w/OM for longer than our M.
-She has cheated on me at least 2 times, probably 3, maybe more.
-"I" have not been happy for years and having this week to myself (minus my days w/NW5) has been an eye opener of sorts.

If she de-foggifies (is that a word) prior to the ink drying then I may think about recovery. I really don't know how I would act at this point, my head is telling me to move on, the roller coaster seems to be leveling out. As of now, I have NW5 50% of the time and no CS, no alimony, only my lawyer fees. I don't think that I could ask for anything better given the circumstances.

Anyone else feel this way after WS moved out?

Does anyone see hope for recovery?

_SOL #2374571 05/16/10 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted By: SickofLimbo
Good point. I will give him a call to check on him. Thanks.


Thanks SoL,
I wouldn't have tried to connect my wireless keyboard for a few more days.

Thanks for the support...you deserve a raise after you complete your school..haha

Last edited by now_what; 05/16/10 09:55 PM.
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Sounds like you a doing well given the circumstances.

Cherish NW5 for all you're worth. My two boys have been my refuge through all of this. I value every moment that I spend with them and my relationship with my 9 year old has really strengthened in the last few months. There are times I catch myself being distant and moody around the kids, but I try to catch myself and snap out of it for their sake.

It sounds to me like you are ready to move on. I know many on here, even Dr. Harley, hold out hope until the ink is dry on the D papers, but I don't think I'm wired that way. One of us filing is going to be the giant signal that it's time to move on.

schtoop #2374879 05/17/10 12:47 PM
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NW,

All you feel is very normal. I recommend you go to a Plan B. It is tough to do with a child, but it is certainly possible if you limit all your interactions and communications with the WW to issues directly relating to your son.

This does not mean that your son becomes the excuse for contact. I fell into that trap.

Put it this way: I was given the guidance by a professional that said that unless there is blood on the floor and someone about to die that there should be no communication with my ex.

This was very good guidance. My ex, for example, would call me up to chew me out about some things which were none of her business. She used the excuse of asking about the kids, but the contact really wasn't necessary. This includes things such as minor illnesses and colds. Short of your son being on the verge of going to the hospital, the ex doesn't need to know about what you do when he is with you and vice versa.

I learned to hang up on her. I would ask, "Is someone on the way to the hospital? No? Ok. Please feel free to write me about any concnerns you may have."

I would then hang up. It would normally be followed up by call after call I'd ignore and some rather nasty voicemails, but she eventually got the message.

Emails were equally important to filter. I would skim through them if they weren't about truly important things about the kids.

Taking this approach helps you emotionally and helps you move on.

You have a bunch of legal things in the air right now. The reality is that if you have 50/50, then I encourage you to settle for the status quo in mediation. This will save you thousands and lots of emotional heartache.

The sooner it ends, the sooner you can move on. The day may come when your WW thinks differently about what she has done, but I can guarantee you that the day will come when you're happy she's out of your life and will welcome the peace.

It will take a while. Took me over 3 years to get there. I might have gotten there sooner if I didn't have this massive legal battle to fight which kept me emotionally engaged.

There is hope for her to defog before the divorce is final, but it is not something you should count on or expect. If anything, expect nothing.

I'm following your thread closely and can offer advice based on my encounters with the law. Your 50/50 arrangement puts you in a good place. I'd like to recommend the following arrangement for you in terms of 50/50:

Have your son be with you on Monday and Tuesday, with her on Wednesday and Thursday, and then you alternate weekends. (you can always flip the days of the week the other way)

This keeps your days of the week the same every week, which makes scheduling things very easy for you and your son. The arrangement where he's with you one week and with her the next is very disruptive.

The one I suggest sounds chaotic at first, but it really settles your son and you into a routine.

Best of luck.

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Hello all. I am the OMGF. NW contacting me has been both the best and worst things that could have ever happened to me. My life has changed so fast as it has only been a couple of weeks since I received NW letter in the mail.

My side: I don't know what to do. Since day one my BF has and still is denying the A. Like NW said before, I confronted them both years ago and again back in Oct. 2009. I have not been as strong as NW. I have contact with my BF everyday, several times a day. My 2 boys don't even know that he has moved out! He still attends all school functions, makes their lunches, tucks them in at night, etc. He doesn't want them to know that things are this way. He is here when they wake up, here when they go to bed, but he lives with his mother now. His mother suggest that we work things out this way. I'm not sure how I feel. I have not told my boys because I do not want to hurt them. Should I tell them? My BF continues to express his love for me, claim he is in love with me and that he is not the one involved with NW Wife. Claims he wants to rebuild our relationship so that I will trust him and we can get married. (Fat chance!) We are still attending weekly functions with both his family and mine together, but both families know of the situation. As NW suggested to me, I have access codes and email passwords. No activity besides the day our families received letter from NW. But now, the tables have turned. My BF accuses me of cheating and not trusting me now. Because I have grown distant and silent with him. He jumps to conclusions about every little thing now. I think I am over this. What to do next?

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A little more info to how BF has been acting since letter surfaced... He calls and text me non stop when he isn't here or when we are apart. He asks me to come have lunch with him at work (as his job he is not able to leave for lunch)I can honestly say that if he is in contact with NW wife, I don't know when or how. I am not ready to trust him, I do not even think I want our relationship back after this.

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CF2010
You knowing is the best thing to keep this affair dead.

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