igrip, it is GOOD that you said that to her. That is what you are supposed to be doing. Telling her how hurt you are by her adultery and that you want your marriage back. When you say you "argued" I hope you didnt' allow her to drag you into an argument?

You did the right thing in confronting her about catching her trying to call the OM. In fact, I suggest you go to RADIO SHACK today and buy a tap for that phone so you can tape her conversations with the OM. Hide it on an out of the way phone extension.

Well today I found that she has filed for divorce as of Friday.

I am lost. She is convinced this is a good idea. I feel it is the wrong idea period.

Now what?

You are still married. You are married until. You are at least married until the ink dries.

Good�WWs will LIE TO ANYONE whose validation they crave, esp. parents, to enable their adultery.


I think you handled this quite well. WWs do anything they can to avoid anything that shines a light on their cheating or forces them to look in the mirror. Mine did the same. Leave the book out for her to read on her own but don�t pressure her to do it. Make it seem like it�s just for YOUR understanding. Make her curious to wonder what you are up to. Very good.


Standard wayward fog-talk. I heard it too. That�s her own rationalizations talking there. Of course, OM has EVERYTHING to do with it! PRESSURE THE AFFAIR MORE PLEASE.

Well, her lawyer told her not to talk to the OM until this is over. Who knows what she will do.

She is convinced that divorce is the answer. The ball is rolling. Yes, we are still married, but she has made the decision. She said she would have done it long ago but was scared. Who knows what gave her this new sense of power, but she has it now.

It seems inevitable. Have told some friends, but not my parents. I am an emotional wreck right now. Not sure what my steps are.

I'm going to continue Plan A and learning and being the best I can be. However, I'm afraid it is falling on deaf ears and blind eyes. I have to concentrate on being happy and spending time with our daughter...which is fine. Inside, I have 'some' hope left, but it feels fake in the light of all of her recent actions. I do not believe a divorce is a move in the right direction..at all. It is much easier to work on us than 'start over.'

However, she is 'done' and out and has been for a long time. The fact that I took some of the blame for the situation (not the affair, the 'abuse' she calls it of my mouth - arguing, not agreeing with her, telling her 'she is the one with the problem,' etc. is ALL that she can remember. I know I have been a great husband in many ways...I know I have but it is hard to hear that she remembers all bad and DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE, LEARN or give a chance. That is what I am battling with...one person who is willing to make this rash decision that is going to affect the lives of three of us.

igrip, no, this is not done at all!! This just started so don't throw in the towel. You fight to save your marriage! Your plan does not change. You stay in plan A while fighting the divorce. But you let the attorney be the bad guy while you are Mr Nice Guy at home.

What your wife wants is for you to give her a quick, easy, amicable divorce based on her very temporary state of mind. Your job will be to NOT COOPERATE. Do not cooperate so that you can drag this out and outlast the affair.

Since you are in Texas, you get to countersue on the grounds of ADULTERY which will give you a distinct advantage legally. They will also subpoena the OM and your WW for all of their cell phone records and emails and any other affair paraphenalia. The OM will be subpoenaed into court to give testimony about his affair with your wife.

Get a good attorney to defend you and keep you in the house - you don't want to leave!! Ask for 50% custody of the child.

Get a pitbull attorney who will be the heavy lifting while you are the nice guy at home.

Don't despair!! It is far from over. We have seen much, much worse than this come back from the dead.

JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU TELL A TEXAS JUDGE THAT SHE TOOK YOUR 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO HER ADULTERY SESSIONS WITH THE OM!

Are you in the Bible belt?

Really? So her feelings are 'not' real? Are they really that far off from the truth, even in her mind. Is the fog-babble really that strong that it can convince both of us?

I do not want a trial even...I want to see my baby every day, but do not feel it is good for her to take her mom away. She is stable here...yes, I am being mr. nice guy, but I am thinking of my daughter. My MIL lives here too and is a primary caretaker. I cannot imagine telling or fighting for my wife to get out of the house instead.

I actually cannot imagine any of this, but unfortunately, it is actually happening. Keep the tips coming...

Wait a minute, I thought you said she had done this in the past?

If anything, filing for D will expose her to the consequences of her actions. Make sure you have a bulldog attorney prepared to fight for more than she was willing to give up. If you do get divorced, it doesn't mean you have to give up. Divorce actually makes it easier to plan B your WS if you are still interested in saving things at that point.

Yes, her feelings are real!! Very real. So were my feelings very "real" when I was a falling down drunk and wanted to go drunk driving. The feelings of drunks are very real.

But those feelings are under the influence of alcohol. Just as your wife's feelings are VERY TEMPORARY and under the influence of her affair.

Your job is to CHANGE those feelings by killing her affair.


If you do not fight for your marriage then YOU will be kicked out of your home. When that happens, your risk of this really being over are GREAT. When you separate, your risk of divorce goes way up.

So, if you want to save your marriage, then you should FIGHT to save it. Otherwise, you are going to be OUT and the OM will be in your home taking your place.

Do your clothes fit him?

Ouch. Better listen to ML. She will verbally spank you in a heartbeat!

igrip, let me put it another way. If you cooperate with her "divorce" you will end up ...............divorced. It is that simple. And you will be enabling her to make permanent life decisions about your whole family based on TEMPORARY feelings.

Right now she wants to REPLACE YOU with the OM. And if you cooperate, she will succeed.

Her feelings will go away when this affair dies. And it will die. Her divorce filing is all based on her temporary affair feelings.

Your goal is to make this as hard as possible for her to destroy your marriage. So you do things that will give her pause and cause her to 2nd guess her plan. You insert some MAJOR REALITY into her little fantasy of replacing you by countersuing for adultery and refusing to leave your home.

Since SHE is the one who wants the divorce, she is the one who should leave, igrip. WITHOUT your DD. Taht is the message she needs to get. That will cause her to have second thoughts about her plan to destroy your marriage.

ML I don't think you were too harsh. I was just making a joke. Hopefully igrip takes your advice from either post.

Margie, I knew you were joking! It's all good.

Don't worry..I can take it. I was tough before but this situation is making me tougher.

So, threatening or actually countersuing for adultery will be getting my daughter mixed up in this mess indirectly, but will inject a bit of harsh reality into my wife - is what I am hearing right?

Your DD is already mixed up in it, but you know that, right? You'll be showing her that you are a fighter. I don't think that's a bad thing.

She called me today just a few minutes ago from work. Wondering what I found out today when I spoke to an attorney this morning. This is the first time she has called and 'cared' for three weeks. She does not want me to make a mess and spend all this money. She says all this.

This is all such bulls***. She has not cared one bit about my feelings when I was sad, crying, etc. etc. But now that she realizes that I 'can' make this difficult, she wants to know? In my heart, I do not know what I want anymore. I do not want to take my baby away from her mom. I don't want any of this to be happening. She does. Her 'legal' advice to stay away from OM holds more water than her husband 'asking' her to withdraw from him? That just makes me angry. Inside and on these forums only of course.

She doesn't care. She is scared and wants to know what HER options are, legally. Stay strong and on the course.

Nobody wants to take their child away from the other parent. BUT, a WS chooses that path all on their lonesome. It wasn't your choice for her to go find another man. She made her bed, now she can lie in it.