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Originally Posted By: rltraveled
Now Mel, be nice to the felines.


sigh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Good job, rlt...you rock. wink


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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RLT


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rlt, your are an example of what a good sister with real love for her brother does. Oh, that I had had a "meddling sister" four years ago!

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Rit, you are awesome. I hope that Joey sees that someday.

Originally Posted By: lurioosi2
rlt, your are an example of what a good sister with real love for her brother does. Oh, wish that I had had a "meddling sister" four years ago!

flirt Is that what you meant 'Teach' !


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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RLT, you absolutely did the right thing. Joey doesn't realize it now, but you have proven how very much you love him...so much that you don't want him to do the wrong thing anymore and that you are willing to do whatever is necessary to steer him back onto the right path.

A couple of years ago, I exposed my DD to the MM's wife. I don't think the affair really got off the ground, but I sure nipped it in the bud. I told the MM that if he didn't cut off all contact with my DD, I would be on the phone to his wife every single day!

DD was furious, but she got over it.


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Originally Posted By: rltraveled
I'm joey's older sister. I outed him, after giving due diligence in allowing him to do it himself.

In joey123's words, I am now "dead" to him.


And I ADORE you even more now RLT!


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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rlt, thank you for sharing this awesome story with us! I hope your brother sobers up some day.

Based on your experience, I think I've concluded that if I ever know about an adultery, I'll just expose it immediately without warning. It could help the wayward to do the right thing, but waiting seems too risky. I appreciate you giving us the chance to hear and learn from your experience.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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marcos,

yeah, live and learn, I guess. I appreciate everyone's kudos, but deep down, I feel like I blew it. I should not have given warnings about exposing. I should have just done it.

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You should have, yes, and that in no way negates the wonderful and brave thing you did.

Live, learn, and share. I'll bet more than one person has read this who will remember and apply the "no warning even if it's just your family member and not your spouse" recommendation.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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RLT, what do you think about starting your thread and titling it "Why you should NEVER warn before exposing!", then linking this thread?

This is incredibly valuable informtation for anyone getting ready to expose, IMO.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted By: rltraveled
marcos,

yeah, live and learn, I guess. I appreciate everyone's kudos, but deep down, I feel like I blew it. I should not have given warnings about exposing. I should have just done it.



But you didn't know that at the time!!

Steve Harley just told me personally less than 48 hours not to second guess myself for what I "should have" done in the past. smile [I was remarking that I wished I'd brought us to Marriage Builders five years ago.]

You did great. You struck a powerful blow to end the affair and HELP your brother, his OW, and the betrayed husband. We can analyze exactly how you did it and learn from that, but that doesn't change the fact that you did something powerful, courageous, and loving.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Quote:
You did great. You struck a powerful blow to end the affair and HELP your brother, his OW, and the betrayed husband. We can analyze exactly how you did it and learn from that, but that doesn't change the fact that you did something powerful, courageous, and loving.


ITA. Your brother is incredibly immature, cruel and VERY wayward in his thinking. He will have to answer for himself on Judgement Day and I, for one, am very glad I will not be in HIS shoes.

You did the right thing, RLT. YOU took the high road; your brother took the cowardly road.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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I hereby re-christen this thread the RLT Admiration and Applause Society, or RAAS.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted By: Neak
I hereby re-christen this thread the RLT Admiration and Applause Society, or RAAS.



clap hurray clap <-- the applause wink

Way to go, RLT! Regardless of the outcome, you did awesome!! He was too cowardly to do it himself, and I'm proud of you for taking action!

Last edited by NewPetals; 05/17/10 01:09 PM.

Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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And of course the OM is nowhere to be found.

I'd bet money we'll never see him again.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted By: karmasrose
And of course the OM is nowhere to be found.

I'd bet money we'll never see him again.


I don't know about that; he'll probably have another relationship again some day, and he will remember that we are here.

The question is, will he tell us about his past at the time or not?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
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Or he's actually here reading along...

Last edited by princessmeggy; 05/17/10 04:33 PM.

Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Nah. His nasty big sister who damaged his adulterous relationship is dead to him, remember? :P I bet he's staying far away from here.... hoping to "someday have the courage" to end his affair.... hahaha!


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Originally Posted By: markos
if I ever know about an adultery, I'll just expose it immediately without warning. It could help the wayward to do the right thing, but waiting seems too risky.


Ditto.


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
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