This is actually a pretty good idea. The mortgage payments come directly out of his bank account anyway so if he defaults it's going to badly affect his own credit as well, which I highly doubt he wants. So yes, perhaps this is the best way to do it.

I am going to work on more packing when I can. Got caught up cleaning the house yesterday what with WH's mom coming to stay, so I didn't get as much done as I'd like to. It'll have to be in the evenings after work....but oh well. It'll get done.



Actually - I am not quite even as nice as that! He CAN'T stay with OW when her kids are around, which leaves him high and dry for a place to go!

OW H would kick his sorry @$$ if he was around his kids. I don't blame him. The thought of DD even SEEING OW makes me sick sick sick. I think I'm going to borrow a name for her from another poster (Scotty, is it?).....WF (Wh#re Face).

I will have to call someone to change the locks on the doors. And yes, my IM is all set up. She is fantastic, if a little too compassionate for WH (she says she is praying for him too because he's so far gone right now).

Looking forward to taking charge of my life and not letting the drama hurt me anymore.

YAY! That's EXACTLY what you need right now!

This is worrisome to me NP. You have to make it abundantly clear that as your IM she is there to PROTECT you and lil bean! She is not to allow any fog babble through. She is only to pass along factual details from WH regarding things like finances or seeing DD2. This is an absolute must NP and if you do not feel your IM is up to it then you need a different IM. This is even more important in your sitch with your preganancy reaching the end.

Oh yes, she knows that. I made sure to tell her exactly what she needs to do when filtering communication between him and I. She's been in my situation herself so she understands what I'm going through (she's one of the successful ones though - she and her husband have the happiest marriage ever now).

Glad to hear this NP. This is extremely important. If she falters early on and starts letting fog babble through then you should definitely get another IM right away. The purpose of Plan B is to remove yourself from WH in order to preserve what little love you still have left in your LB. In your case I see an equally important reason of insulating you from the drama so you can focus on the birth of lil bean without the added stress.

Maybe I needed to explain just a little more. I don't think that NP's Plan B schedule needs to change one whit for anything to do with WH, OW, or her kids' visitation schedule. Whether WH has somewhere to stay the first couple nights or not, come Friday night he's in trouble.

Having him leave the house like this is a Godsend. I worry how much more difficult it would be to get him out if he gets to come back at all, even just 2 days.

That's also why I suggested being ready well ahead, so if he gets it into his brain to come back early, NP isn't caught off guard, and can still keep him out of the house.

NP, I agree with your thinking on the finances. Most waywards don't stop paying altogether, and the ones who do usually feel the quick wrath of an angry judge. It doesn't work out so well for them.

You can also print out some of the IM info on here that might be helpful to your IM. It's much easier to start out right than to try and retrofit into a strong position.

Bumped an IM thread 4 ya, NP. "Intermediary training school"

Thanks....I'm going to print that and give it to my IM.

WH just called me, twice in a row. I hit "Ignore" on my phone....and it felt GOOD.

It's better to hit ignore than to risk a lovebuster.

That said, if he calls and you're able to hold up your Plan A, great - talk to him. Do the best Plan A you can right up until he gets the letter.

I had to hit ignore because I really didn't feel like talking to him.

He just texted me though, and said he had his interview with a company up north and it's likely they will be offering him a position up there. Makes things easier if they do, I suppose. I responded as nicely as I could....not as nicely as I would have pre-A though....

Glad to see your plan forming. Yes, it is me that calls POSOW, WF. It makes me feel so good. I just make sure not to say it in front of the kiddos. That's when I use the initials instead.

You are doing GRAND.

He called back and I was able to talk to him very nicely.

He seemed to be making plans and forming ideas of DD and I moving up north WITH HIM if he gets the job. Kept my mouth shut - but this is NOT happening right now. Perhaps if he agrees to all my conditions and makes serious efforts while I'm in Plan B.

And thank you, Scotty. WF also fits my WH's POSOW very nicely.

Good job talking to him. Talk when you can, be aware and avoid talking to him when you might lovebust. Better to miss a Plan A moment than to have a mean ole lovebuster sneak in right at the last.

Do your best for what you can - it's not much longer.

I just need one good vent and I'm done:

I miss my husband. I miss the man who looked at me like I meant the world to him, complimented me, held my hand, said "I love you" at the end of every phone call. I miss the man who stood up for me and supported me when I was down and clapped for me when I was up. I miss the man who was so excited when DD was born and stood there beside me holding my hand in the delivery room the entire labour process. I miss the man who gave us big hugs and said, "Family hug time!" and put pictures of us up in his office. I miss the man who gave me the aisle seat like I want every time we were on a plane together, but let me lean over to look out when we were landing. I miss the man who was excited to be with me and see me. I miss the man who cried at our wedding. I miss the man who took care of me when I had a stomach ulcer, and put cold cloths on my head every time I got sick.

There. Sort of done. I could go on for a while.

I just need to remember this is NOT my husband that I am telling to leave our home.

Still, it sucks. I guess missing that man now is no different from missing him when he's out of the house, because he's already not here.

You're so right. Your true DH has been gone for months, and all you're banishing is the soul-sucking alien who looks quite a bit like DH, except for the empty eyes.

Big hugs for you - I know how hard this is.

Its good you vented this, but I find that thinking this stuff makes me sadder....Your H is gone right now and WH has replaced him....You have to think of it that way, Someday he will be back to H, but it might be too late for us. So for all intents and purposes he is not here right now. WH is NOT H. You are gonna be okay, either way.