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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Yes, my parents are coming with me and they will be able to sit in the gallery for the whole thing. She said that they just need to realize that they could be called on for testimony. They are fine with that. I don't think they will be called on, but they are ready if needed.

I'm so nervous right now that I can hardly think straight. I hope it goes fast.

I was thinking about you this morning, hope, and wanted to jump on here and wish you the best. Hold your head up high - YOU are the one doing the right thing, here. Sadly for your WH, he'll realize that later.

Remember, eye contact once and then you OWN her.

AND we're all thinking about you. hug


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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HopeE, I will be praying for you to have great strength today. I know the strength I have seen in you so far. You will do GRAND I am SURE. Hang tough. You know you are doing the best thing possible. You will get through this BETTER than you ever imagined.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
I'm so nervous right now that I can hardly think straight. I hope it goes fast.

Hope, you will do great! You have much more strength than you give yourself credit for. Be strong and put your faith in the Lord. He is on your side; not the side of the adulterers.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Be Brave hope, we all know you can get through this everyone here will be praying for you!

Wheels and I will be thinking of you smile

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Good luck, hope, I wish you well and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

You will do mahhhhh-velous, dahling!

(((huggies)))


Married DH May 5, 1990
DH45 - ME43 - DD18 - DD15

Thanx to MB my M is now back on track and better than ever. MB ROCKS!!!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
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Ok, I'm back

Let me just say, this was all very interesting in how it played out. First up, the OW did not show (big surprise)my husband's lawyer (his aunt as predicted) brought with her a signed doctor's note showing that she had poison ivy....what cha think of that? Sooo, I didn't get the joy of looking her in the face. Husband kept his distance and avoided me at all costs.....he totally had the "I'm the victim look going on".

We never stood in front of the judge because everything was in agreement, but it took a few hours. First, they contested the child support amount...which was $900. My lawyer looked at me and said, "Don't even worry about this." She had figured the child support based on our recent income tax return. Well, when they contested the amount, she came out with her calculator and refigured based on the W-2 he brought with him and it came out to $986...which is more....interesting how that worked.

His aunt is a probate lawyer, not family law. I put in a morality clause so that he could not drink or have women over at his place of residency. I also included that I did not want my children to ever speak or see this OW.

He's going to continue to pay child support, our insurance, and 1/2 of all uncovered medical expenses....which he has never paid before; I've been responsible for everything extra.

My lawyer told his lawyer (aunt) that he had 50 days for the discovery to be turned over to her...and his lawyer said, "do what?"

Anyway, that's the long and short of it. I'm still hopeful and I still love him, but the future is bleak. All this I'm getting is just making him furious....I promise that.

THanks for everyone's prayers and for pushing me to get this done. I'll post more as it comes to me...please continue to pray for reconciliation....that is my hope_eternal.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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WOW! This guy is really dense if he still doesn't get it! He knows that you still love him and yet he is still going through with all this heart ache, that fog must be very THICK!


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So what if he is getting furious; it will just help the A to implode when they start LB each other.
I say keep it up, but remember to take of you first.


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Well Sapphire, as I've mentioned above on other posts...I believe that he really want away from me and yes, his is very stiff-necked. He has said in no uncertain terms, "it is over" I'm not expecting anything hopeful with a recovery of our marriage. Yes, I want that, but I think he would rather die than be with me. I don't even know that he's still with other woman, but I do believe they are in contact still.

My lawyer presented the credit card change of address information to his lawyer and he said that he didn't give that as a change of address, but only for a place to have cards sent to....he also said that he didn't know it was in both our names...lie....and that I had never used it before....another lie. Anyway, I have written agreement that he will be responsible for the debt on that card.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Good for you! I do not have any resentment or anger towards my husband to take into action and change our checking account to another one with out my name! That goes with everything else! He was just protecting himself, and in this sort of situation that is all you have to do, be smart, and think of your self first!

Also I believe that he has been in fog babble far too long, what I have learned is "what you think about, you bring about" if he's been thinking his marriage will soon end for 10 years then it will happen, too bad in the next 10 years he will regret everything he has done!

Wheels and I are praying for you smile

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Well, I think he has been thinking about this for a long time...and waiting maybe to find someone that could help it along. He knows that I would do whatever to make this marriage work, but he is not willing to cooperate. In 10 more years, he will be in his 60s...what a shame that his last years will be so far away from his children.

He's a hard case and if we were to recover, time would have to pass for a long time. I just worry about not having a very long plan A...it went so fast.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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It isn't that your WH has been looking for a way out for years and then this OW came along and BAM-O. Your marriage wasn't what you both wanted, it wasn't it's best. You BOTH weren't meeting each other's needs and you were focusing on raising your children and taking care of business. Your WH had weak boundaries which allowed him to get some of his needs met by someone else. This in turn caused him to "fall in love." It isn't based in reality though. It was all based on fantasy.

If he wanted to leave you long ago, he WOULD have. The thing is, it's not about THIS OW either. She just happened to be there, and have low morals which would allow her to "date" a married man. It's hard to "get" but you will.

I am proud of your strength. You are doing GREAT. Now what have you done for yourself today?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Well, my parents took me out to Chipotles after the hearing...my favorite place to eat. Then, I came home and took a long nap. I'm hoping that my finances will be getting better soon so that I'm able to do some pampering.

I guess I need to go to plan B. I'm changing the locks this weekend. How strict should I be about him not taking anything out of the house? The lawyer said that the property here now is in my possession only. should I allow him to take other personal items or things I don't want around the house? I'm just curious as to what to do with his things.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
How strict should I be about him not taking anything out of the house? The lawyer said that the property here now is in my possession only. should I allow him to take other personal items or things I don't want around the house? I'm just curious as to what to do with his things.

Be very strict. In fact, I recommend that YOU pack up alllll of his belongings AFTER you change the locks and then leave them somewhere for him to come and get. This is what I did when I went to Plan B.

You don't want him pilfering through the house and taking whatever he wants.



Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

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ITA, pack his PERSONAL things and leave them somewhere for him to get, even on the porch. Have a time and date when he is to come and get his stuff. Your parents could be there so you don't have to see him and maybe you could go out with friends or something.

When I went into Plan B, it was suggested that I also send some family pics in WH's things too. I made a few small photo albums and picked pictures from our life together. It was hard and I cried. I also made a copy of our family picture and put a copy of the Plan B letter behind it.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I also thought about making him an album of recent pics of the children. I want to take them to the botanical gardens and get pics of them and have them give it to him for father's day. Do you think that will be ok? There are not too many family pics, but lots of us together when children were born.


BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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There wasn't too many family pics in this house either(WH HATES cameras). I just found whatever ones I thought would best represent our life together. I don't know what kind of Father's Day stuff is okay in Plan B. I was thinking that the kiddos would have to figure out what they wanted to do. Just like WH's BDay.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Well, I think he has been thinking about this for a long time...and waiting maybe to find someone that could help it along. He knows that I would do whatever to make this marriage work, but he is not willing to cooperate. In 10 more years, he will be in his 60s...what a shame that his last years will be so far away from his children.

He's a hard case and if we were to recover, time would have to pass for a long time. I just worry about not having a very long plan A...it went so fast.

Good job, Hope!! The worst is now over. And don't think you can't recover because he is a "hard case;" we have seen far worse than this come back from the dead. What you have told us here is no prediction of the eventual outcome. There are no guarantees, but this is far from over.

I don't think a longer plan A would been a very good idea in your case. Your H is way too manipulative and you have been way too upset to continue. It was going to get more volatile, not less. Better to get out before you kill each other.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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^Agrees!

AMEN ML

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Hope,

When my H left our house for his second OW, he said that he "did not love me, never did love me, and never would love me". He walked out the door with that said, and I had NO chance to change his mind. I had no idea this was coming, and no idea there was an OW. This was a complete shock to me.

What did I do? Well, it was 1979, and there was no MB to look for! Without knowing it, I was thrust into Plan B. I had brief contact with him, when we exchanged my daughter.

Well, oddly enough, his fantasy OW didn't come close to being what he thought she would be.

He came home in 3 months. He tried at first to say that my DD and I "needed him", and I said "nope, that isn't a reason to come home". Then he said that my DD "needs a male role model" and I said I had plenty of males who were in my life who were providing help and guidance during this difficult time, and who were very good friends for me and DD. He finally ADMITTED - with a shrug and remorse, "I love and miss you, and I just can't see myself alone without you two in my life." I told him to get his crap and move back home, today!

He did. (Now, consider is was 25 or more years before his next STUPID failing...)

But he was very tough at first. He was convinced that he wanted the single life, that he NEVER EVER EVER loved me and that our marriage was a huge mistake.

He was wrong, then, wasn't he?


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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