NP, I am glad you have MIL for support! Its ok and normal to hate OW at this point. In fact I still hate the xOW and hope some day I can find enough peace to just not care about her at all.

Every time you are tempted to contact your WH mentally picture him waiting for you to be weak. Then picture yourself as Wonder Woman, cape and all.

I love the MIL's that your MIL is so supportive. Be careful though because she is the mother bear. My MIL was very supportive, but started getting on my case for not letting her daugter back in the house when the MIL thought she should come back. It was hard to tell her that I was not ready, I had my plan, and that everything will be fine. It caused a little tension between us, but overall she still did not condone her daugters behavior.

Support here is great, and so is your family. My family was always there for me, and close friends too. Everyone has different advice. I had to weigh it and pick and choose what would be the best advice for what I wanted to do. Even if they gave bad advice, that I would thank them for then ignore, it was still good to have some support.

Do the hard part, then fall into your safety net of support from people here, your family, and your MIL. They are the ones that will help you get through this.

That is what is stopping me from calling!

I am borrowing a small piece of Neak's red cape of power....which will hopefully grow into a full cape....

I am glad your feeling a little better today NP. But listen to Wheels, be careful with your MIL.
My MIL started out supportive of what I was doing in terms of MB's. She then became "neutral", now she and my SIL's have not called me once to just see how I am doing, and I feel is now starting to slightly support WH and his horrible decisions.
MIL and SIL's have also not called DstepKids to see how they are doing; even though they know and realize that the kids are very upset about this.

I felt very hurt by the way my in-laws have treated me, these are the people I thought were my family. But WH is their "blood", and blood WILL always be thicker than water.

I just want to make sure you are prepared for all the fallout that will occur because of WH choices.

Unfortunately it makes everything all the harder, but I feel if your prepared, then once again unlike myself, it is not as big a blow.

I am so sorry you are hurting, I know only too well how you feel right now. Today I am struggling with wanting to call WH at work, not talk, hang up the phone, all just to hear his voice. So here I am posting instead, then I am going to work out to get my mind off of this crazy idea....

Hang in there, there are moments when it is definitely easier to be in a dark Pln B, and then there are moments when you don't think you have the strength to continue. That you want to break the silence and then beg him to return. That is when I come here, to regain the strength to stick to the plan I have laid out. To continue to recover myself.

Just know NP's that you are not alone, all your feelings are normal, and that this is so very difficult. But you have people who truly wish the best for you and will support you on this forum.

When you guys feel the need to call or text WH, just try and think that what you are doin when you tell him you miss him, tell him he is an idiot or just to have contact....is actually the exact OPPOSITE effect that you want to have...each time you do it you are actually ruining your chances of R...It helps me a little.

That is the only thought that keeps me from actually doing it. And I have to come here to read and remind myself of that.

Yes, I agree. I am being careful with regards to my MIL, because even though she is supportive right now I know she will always love her son. It's nice to hear right now, that I am not the only one who doesn't recognize WH as he is now, though.

Whenever I think of calling him or texting him (there are so many questions I want to ask...how is he? Did he get the job up north? How's his work going? etc) I just think of calling and him not picking up so he can feel in power still....and me feeling like crap all over again...

I heard from her husband that OW is stressed to the nines today. I secretly hope it's bc of stuff between her and WH. But I don't really want to know.

NP, can you go and do something for yourself today. Maybe get a pedi...
Don't bring your phone.

I'd LOVE to...but I'm stuck at work all day.... :P Unfortunately. At least it's a distraction.

My phone has been silent all day. He's not calling. Which (and I have to remind myself of this) is a GOOD THING.

I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of crazy game of chicken...to see who backs down first.

I looked at WH's FB and saw he was on his way " home.". I shouldn't have looked - now I'm stuck between not wanting him to come home, wanting him to come home so I can tell him to leave, and wanting him to come home begging to save our marriage.

I also wonder if he did that on purpose - so he could go straight to OW's house and I would KNOW when he didn't come home.

I really should not have looked. It was not very Plan Bat all.

What do I do if he walks in the door? Confront him, or stay in bed until morning and get out without seeing him?

Trust me--Neak didn't always have red cape of power. She didn't have enough red fibers to weave into a thong. The cape GREW with time, practice, and effort...and so can yours.

tl

3:15 am and WH is not here. Now, I KNOW that for Plan B, this is a good thing. For the part of me that misses him and stil just wants him back, this is a very sad thing, because it means without a doubt, he is at OW's house.

This is what I get for breaking Plan B and looking at his facebook.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal, and will get better with time, I promise....and I doubt he did anything on purpose to make you figure he is at OW house.....Waywards are selfish, what he is thinking is "me me me me me". I remember that once my WH said to me "You think I am trying to hurt you on purpose, and I promise you I am not."

He was being truthful I am sure, but my excruciating pain was just an unfortunate side effect of his selfish choices. He really just didnt care....You gotta stop looking at FB...I know with me when I know for a fact that he is with OW, It hurts soooo much worse than just not knowing at all....

You need to protect yourself and to do that you need to not know what he is doing or you are gonna have a really really really hard time, okay? Hang in there NP.

DESPERATE for advice!

I didn't change the locks. I thought he'd come while I was out, leave, and I could get them changed this weekend.

So this morning when I was feeding DD breakfast, who should wander in but POSWH. The first thing he says to me is, "So, ready to work on the marriage?" I said, "Are you?" and he said, "Yes." So naturally I asked where he was last night. And of course, he spent the night at POSOW's "saying goodbye."

I told him I didn't know, that it made me sick that he spent the night with her, and pushed him away when he tried to hug me as I was leaving for work. He asked me what I needed from him and I couldn't even speak.

When I was leaving, he said, "When you're ready to get over the attitude, I'll be here to listen." THAT made me think.....has he really changed? Is he still trying to get power here?
Part of me wants to kick him right out and never speak to him again. But, a conflicting part of me (I never seem to have my emotions straight these days!) wants to give him a list of requirements and see what happens.

What do I do???????? Help!!

Schedule an IMMEDIATE session with Steve Harley.
For BOTH you and WH.

Let Steve develop a plan for recovery.

You must do this right. And I would want STEVE leading the way.

NP,

We all hope that your M works out, especially for the little ones. Please, please, make sure he isn't playing you. I thought I read on your thread that someone was concerned about a FR until after the little one is born. I really think his motives are suspect, especially after he spent the night with OW.

I hope you know that you are strong, a good person and don't deserve this. Think really really hard at your next steps.

It is a good idea to call the Harleys, yourself only for now! Don't let him in the house, tell him to stay elsewhere that you need your space and have to have time to "figure things out".

Do it for yourself and your kids.

Hugs! (PS, your WH=non-stop drama, is this the way you want to live?)

BA

Come on NP.

This "spending the night" is NOT a deal breaker or a plan breaker. Its hardly their first rodeo.

You're not fully committed to Plan B at this point. So I guess I would throw out a few requirement right off the bat. First one being a session with Steve Harley today or tomorrow.
Then let Steve lay out the no-contact-for-life idea, and the precautions WH will have to take to make it safe for you.
Let Steve protect you.

Steve will also be able to tell you if WH is sincere and ready to do the work.

I think a session with Steve is a great idea. Especially if he is able to discern whether WH is sincere or not - because I AM worried about a FR with the baby so close.

I know it's not their first time together - hardly! But....to DO that, and then RIGHT AFTER come waltzing back in the house and expect that I will just shut my eyes to the fact that he JUST slept with her and is now asking me to make the marriage work? It seems so ... contradictory....

It is. But do you want to save your marriage or do you want to be right?

Please, please, please, call the Coaching Center and get that set up ASAP. They will be able to flesh out pretty quickly if WH is just playing you. If he is unwilling to do whatever they say, then you'll have your answer and it should be right back to Plan B.